Work colleague annoys me

[PandoraBox2]

I’ve been working in a new job for 9 weeks and I hate to say this but there’s a colleague that really annoys me, I don’t get annoyed easily so this is new territory for me and I’m wondering if I’m over- reacting but just looking for a place to rant really - she constantly talks and I mean constantly. I’ve tried to block her out with “uh, mmm, yeah” whilst I’m working but she’s relentless! One comment she makes everyday - “have you eaten?”, I responded with “yes I have thanks” everytime for 8 weeks But last week I don’t know why it pisses me off so I started responding with “ look at the size of me, you don’t have to worry about my eating” (I’m a size 18). She just laughed and continues asking me after every break and every lunch. I’m trying to cut down my eating so I feel her comments make me think about food more!

she asks for advice on everything and I mean everything (not work related). I had a 25 minute conversation with her of how she can find a dentist. I mean it’s a 3 minute max conversation but she manages to this with every topic. She really annoys me. I hate the way she smiled at me and asks personal questions all the time. She annoys the hell out of me. I’m there till December and they want me to renew my contract but seriously I can’t stand her. She could drag a 2 minute conversation that people have into a 2 hour one. I really can’t stand her.

The day we do have lunch same time I just sit in another area where she can’t find me but she keeps asking where I went and she was looking everywhere for me. I need a break from her. There’s another colleague in the department (a man) and I can see he tries to avoid her but he’s management so he can sit in his own room.

she makes me so on edge it’s crazy I feel my head is buzzing constantly with her noise. I even spilt my tea over myself one time when she wouldn’t stop asking questions it was obviously by mistake but I’m trying to concentrate on things but she’s chattering away in the background. I feel bad when I ignore her and try to be kind but it’s affecting me.

Sorry for the long rant! Can anyone sympathise (sp) or even suggest how I get through the next few weeks. How would you respond with the eating comments every single day?

I can certainly sympathise. I had this in my work place. A workplace chatterbox and I were the only two people in the office as everyone else worked from home and her talking was non stop.
I used to feel like crying sometimes, and often had to work late to finish stuff I hadn't got finished in the day because of her non stop talking.
What made it worse was that because of her bubbly nature on the phone all the people WWH used to tell me I was so lucky to be working with her, wasn't she amazing, etc.
Eventually I told her I really needed to have some quiet time to get my work done... and it took a weird turn for the worse. After that, instead of chatting she'd mime zipping up her mouth, and say cheerily "Don't worry, I won't disturb you!". She'd do this about every ten minutes! Or she'd start to ask a question, interrupting my train of thought, but would then say "No, just ignore me, I know you don't like talking" and pull a jokey sad face.
I spoke to her manager who obviously just thought I was a complete misery, and didn't understand at all.
It sounds awful (because I love my job) but I actually thought I might have to resign... but then she found another job and resigned herself! 😃 Happiest day ever.
So... no advice, I'm afraid, but boy, you have my sympathies!!

Would putting on headphones help? I sometimes used to do that even when I wasn't listening to anything so she wouldn't disturb me, but it didn't always work...

First of all, try shutting her down directly, but politely as so far she's not understanding the cues to shut up - "I'm concentrating on x and can't talk now or I'll lose my train of thought. Maybe later when I make a coffee?" If she starts up again instead of waiting, "please - I already said I need to concentrate". This kind of approach makes it clear she's the problem and you're not being rude. If this doesn't work then speak to your manager. She'll be hurt and likely get upset so better if it comes from someone else if you have made it clear she's disrupting your ability to work effectively.

It's that you need to make clear, not that you find her personality irritating, but that she's affecting your ability to do your work.

I've had this problem in the past however I had a handy trick up my sleeve because the job involved audio typing so I'd have my headphones on and pretend I couldn't hear her half the time. Just smile, point to my headphones and say "sorry I'm just doing this".......... a lot. Or determinately stare at my screen like something was intriguing / puzzling me and I had to concentrate on it. You have my sympathies though it's a very tricky and exhausting situation to be in.

Could you fake cheeriness and say stuff like:
”I’d love to chat/continue chatting but I need to work on this now”
”One moment, let me finish this and we’ll chat after”
”Hold that thought, need to work on this but we’ll catch up at coffee break”

Just keep brushing her off in a friendly way.

Second the headphones, would that work?

At my work we share offices - 4-5 in a room (albeit not everyone in on the same days as tend to wfh 2 days per week). So it is quite chatty particularly as people from other rooms might stop by to talk about work but then move on to non-work topics. I definitely get less work done in the office so when really really need to concentrate I put headphones in, others do the same. I think it's definitely harder when it's just one other person and they're talking directly to you. I used to really struggle when sat opposite someone who would basically give a running commentary on everything she was doing - half the time I wasn't sure whether she was talking specifically to me and was expecting some kind of acknowledgment from me or just talking to the ether - I definitely had to get over my fear of whether I was being rude to her (she was lovely), and just stick my headphones in and determinedly ignore.

Yes, I've dealt with people like that. They have the social skills of a snail and are a bit thick.

Shutting them down in a firm way is the only way as they are clueless about boundaries.

Another reason to love WFH. Never having to deal with the inane chatter from these numpties.

I encounter this regularly, and I think these types are becoming more prolific. There's at least 3 I can think off in my small office. They just ramble on and on and on about absolute crap. Rarely ask questions about you, its just a never ending monologue about them, their experiences with x etc etc etc.

I'm really over it atm. Maybe I'm just getting older and jaded but I truly think the art of polite conversation and ability to read subtle body language has gone by the wayside. Roll on retirement (25 years 😭)

Is she actually able to do her own work while she’s chattering away like this?

Yep. Had one for about 15 years. Non stop talking about herself. Drained the life out of me asking for advice over and over about the same subject. No interest in me other than to criticise and pick. Turned a decent job into a fucking nightmare. Managed to escape the clutches during covid and retired

Thank you for understanding everyone, I do feel like crying sometimes. She makes me feel so lightheaded due to her non stop chatting.

One person can ruin a whole office x

I feel your pain. I leave at 3pm for school pick up, so I just now say 'I'm out of the door at 3pm, so I must get on.......'

Can you try similar? 'I have to get this finished by Tuesday, so I must get on....'

or 'I need to get this written down while it's fresh in my head, so I must get on......'

Totally understand and sympathise. When i was younger, i put up with it but after a few years i stopped. I just couldn't deal with it . So i stopped engaging beyond perfunctory please, thanks and anything that was required for work. I literally couldn't do any more than that. It helped. It was going against my people pleasing nature but it had to be done. Try to remember, we don't have to like everyone and it's ok if you don't, all you have to do is stay professional. They sound like a nightmare tbh!

“Sorry - can’t chat right now - I need to concentrate.”

”I do need to work now.”

”Why do you keep asking this? Don’t worry about me.”

Have you actually asked her to stop?

If you have then just keep reiterating that you can't concentrate and if it continues then you can speak to management to say "Jane won't STFU despite repeated requests and I can't work ... Can you tell her to be quiet?"

If you haven't then she may not realise just how distracting she is - I work with a mix of people, most of us like a bit of chit chat through the day but know that occasionally people need quiet to concentrate but we had one colleague who would open her mouth the second she walked through the door and wouldn't close it again until she got in the car to go home and it was exhausting, but as soon as someone actually spoke up and said "Jane, I love chatting with you but I really need to concentrate on XYZ so I can't chat, can you leave me alone for a bit?" she would apologise and quieten down until you reinitiated the conversation when you were ready.

I can really sympathise - I get really on edge and overwhelmed when people just talk at me relentlessly and can’t seem to get to the point, especially at work when I’m focussing.

Id use headphones to show you’re busy and just don’t answer. You’ll feel rude but the alternative is one day, she’ll fray your last nerve and you’ll snap at her. And, really, she’s the one being rude.

I think people like your colleague are probably very lonely, a bit insecure/craving validation but also totally lacking in self awareness & wholly self absorbed. They don’t take subtle hints so you just need to stop engaging with them. Maybe they didn’t get enough attention as children or something - but none of this is your issue to solve!

Maybe make a point of occasionally engaging in some friendly chitchat - say on your way out the door on a Friday. But, otherwise, headphones on and focus on work. I’d also start going for a walk at lunchtime

They don’t take subtle hints so you just need to stop engaging with them

Or just stop hinting and be explicit with what you need/want?

I never understand why people go from "This person has ignored all the subtle hints I've dropped about a behaviour I don't like" immediately to "flat out ignore them" without once just saying plainly "I want you to stop doing XYZ because ABC"

You don't have to be rude or unkind but there is no reason why the OP can't plainly state their needs and ask their colleague to stop talking as it distracts them.

"Jane, I find that I can't concentrate on my work if you're talking to me all the time. I have something I need to get done so can you stop chatting to me today, please?"

This isn't aimed specifically at you @Katiemag but more at the general attitude of many people that the only two options are subtle hints and ignoring someone.

A colleague of mine comes out with the same banal comments to certain people every time they come in to the office

They could come in five times a day and he says the same thing every time

When it's lunch time he always asks me if it's lunch time when he can see I'm eating

So when he comes in to work on his motorbike he'll walk in to the office holding his helmet so I ask him if he's came on his motorbike just to annoy him

Some great ideas here OP as to how to handle this PITA woman. I feel your pain.

I would get say three of theses suggestions ready in your head and bring them out whenever needed. However, make sure you don't make any of them a question! The last you need is to make the person talk more! And also, don't fall into the trap of saying you can talk later on your break or whatever. You can't and won't. So use some of the ideas that don't do this.

Added to this I would also say don't say sorry, and don't smile. You can still be polite. But she needs to know you mean it.

And as others have said, once you have done this for a while if it doesn't work you will be perfectly within your rights to take it higher up.

As a PP asked, how does she manage to get her own work done?

There's a woman at work I literally have to walk away from as she cannot stop telling her ten minute long stories. I walk away, to my room and shut the door. Can still hear her from there 😂.

This

You also don’t need to answer everything - if she says things like have you eaten/where are you going - you can just half smile or ignore it

Get some headphones, wear them as an ‘I’m concentrating’ symbol. Wear them all the time at your desk.

Tell her you like to have lunch alone, or to do online banking or listen to podcasts.

People like this have some form of neurodiversity I guess, because it must stop them forming relationships. But no reason you need to suffer for it.

You need to tell her you have work to do and can't stop to chat. Repeat Repeat. If she carries on you will have to escalate it.

Tell her that she can safely assume you have eaten during your breaks and she doesn't need to keep asking you.

In short, you need to toughen up!!

Yes, these are great.

Say it as many times as you need to as these people are daft and so used to their own self-absorbed monologue, they don't hear other people.

Plus NC headphones.

Yes I can sympathise and how. I won't bore you with the saga of an intrusive non-stop chatterer in an open-plan office that used to wind me up to into a right state. It is simply intolerable.

What about the office space? Do you have to work together? Are your desks together? Can you angle away from her to create some distance or organise a divider or barrier of some sort? Failing that, can you swap with someone - a chatterer - in another corner of the office or ask for a move to another area of the building?

Failing that, as you are trying to be kind, although it's not working, you could take her out for a tea break and gently tell her that you need to make her aware of her constant chatter and how it is affecting you.

If you don't want to do that, you could just take it on directly when it happens and be firmer about it - e.g. Open up the conversation: Oh, you are quite the chatterer, Jane (at which she will probably start talking about what a chatterbox she is) ...look, I like you as a colleague and it's nice to talk and be friendly but I can't get on if you keep talking to me or chattering next to me all the time. Please...no more. It's distracting and exhausting. I'm going to get on with work now. I need space and quiet. We can go for a tea break later if you want.

The next option would be to go to the manager and be straightforward about it and how it's affecting you, even to the extent it would put you off renewing your contract to work there. You've tried to parry and be kind as you don't like upsetting people but it hasn't worked and you are at the end of your tether.

Just tell her just because your colleagues dosnt mean you have to be friends tell her in an adult way you don’t need to be rude or anything then leave it, she will either leave you alone out of embarrassment or see herself in a new light