to be crushing on a married man at work?

[Throwapple123]

my work crush (M32) is married and I (F 25h am in a long term relationship. I am so sick of this crush, I just want it to go away! Any tips on how to stop this now?

Don't ever ever go down the route of messaging him/ getting to know him more, it's bloody dangerous and leads to a path you really don't need to be on. If you're not happy with current partner do something about that, but thinking about getting with your crush isn't an option, he's taken. By all means fantasise about him, but remember, the grass really isn't always greener and the consequences really are not worth it.

So , he’s flirting?
Doesn’t that turn you off?

He’s hot and cold. He is sometimes very flirty and then other times cold. I don’t think he has any feelings for me. However, he likes the attention.

He’s hot and cold. He is sometimes very flirty and then other times cold. I don’t think he has any feelings for me.However, he likes the attention
He'll be setting the bait and seeing who'll take it.

When he finds someone at work with a low bar for men, the script will kick in:

• bumping into each other
• staying for drinks or strategically working late
• flattery
• a small amount of deniable flirting
• offer to help her out with something
• jokes about how people think something's going on, and they're so silly right
• drip feeding about his home life, wife doesn't understand or appreciate how hard he works, it's so nice to talk to someone who understands
• innuendos creep in but it's all innocent because mental gymnastics say so
• closer to sealing the deal there'll be something about no sex at home, together for the children

Don't go there. It's a well trodden path

So you were 16 or under when you got married?

always try to be professional, only, min socialising

Everyone gets crushes at work google proximity crush
Remember he is a 7/8/9/10 whatever out of 10 to you right now but out in the real world he's probably a 4 you're just seeing him a lot! Time to distract yourself. It never works out! He's prob bored and flirting. Perhaps pick up a new hobby.. or crush on someone fictional for now

I genuinely don't understand this crush thing as an adult. Surely to fall for someone it has to be about their values, personality, shared beliefs etc? So any married man who so much as showed an inkling of interest, or in my case any man who showed their interest in a clearly married woman, would not hold any attraction for me, because that wouldn't align with my values, morality, core beliefs etc.

Some people are just thirsty.

Oof, you want to stay well out of that one. Quite apart from anything else, women often get the short end of the stick if there's an office liaison that goes sour.

@Throwapple123 create some distance between you and don’t interact with him unless on professional terms.
Invest time and attention in your long term relationship or maybe you’re looking for a way out to be single? Have you thought maybe you’re not happy in your relationship for you to be looking elsewhere? Have a think about what you really want for your future and go from there.

I'm a terminal crusher. I'd blame ADHD hyperfixations but that's an online cliché. Anyway, in my experience, the only cure for a crush is a different crush. Get a new fixation on someone or something. Ideally not someone you know - get obsessed with horseriding or the snooker. If it must be a crush, then get one on a dead pop star.

And yes, he's playing you (and others, presumably) for attention. I bet other people have noticed so maybe you can make friends with some other women who are aware of what he's like and make fun of him behind his back for it.

I couldn't resist it. 🤣

When I met my work crush’s wife and children that’s what ‘cured’ me.

He's an arsehole. Why do you find arseholes attractive? Focus on this question and you will work it out.

Gutted that this fleabag reference didn't get the appreciation it deserves!

So true though!

OP - keep it as a crush. Fantasise and daydream. It will pass!

Yes i was 16

It’s usually just the mystery and attention that does it. You can project anything to someone at work. But no don’t go there. Imagine him poooping, imagine his face pooping. Imagine him vigorously picking his nose. Imagine him with acid reflux after raw onions leering in for a kiss. You’re welcome.

Read this string to understand the consequences of affairs. Liz Fraser, Z lister parenting expert has broken up three marriages, plus her own. She now finds herself alone and friendless, with career in tatters. So tattered, she’s making a career out of claiming to be a victim of domestic violence. She went beyond accepting ways to steal the husband of the lady who told her story yesterday. Flirty texts turned into porn posts into shagging in the poor woman’s bed. With Liz Fraser leaving a hairbrush, like a dog might leave a, well… don’t do it. https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/what_were_reading/4890757-coming-clean-by-liz-fraser-thread-2

But a crush doesn't require the other person to demonstrate any inappropriate interest in you. Your colleague or whoever may simply happen to be a lovely, attractive person who shares your values, sense of humour, and to be one of the many people you could have been happily married to, had you met him before your actual DH (which can be a disconcerting realisation, especially if you had previously believed your DH was your 'sole soulmate').

The only time it's happened to me, I was happily married, and my path simply crossed with someone lovely, with whom I could easily imagine having had a relationship in other circumstances. Neither of us behaved in any way inappropriately. He had no idea I'd developed feelings for him. They passed eventually.

Don't do anything, OP. Keep away as much as possible and keep schtum.

Depends what you mean by crush. You talk about "falling for" someone, but to me that's a lot stronger than a crush.

Also a crush requires absolutely no reciprocity, so you wouldn't necessarily have any inappropriate behaviour from them to be put off by. You could have a crush on someone who barely knows you exist.

@WeWereInParis fair points, I think I was just considering the OPs situation and just don't get it, he sounds awful!

I had this when I was 25, it went on for months and was a standing joke in the office. I’m proud that behaved impeccably, although to do otherwise could have sabotaged my career. There were very basic psychological reasons why I fixated on him, which I was aware of at the time.

No unnecessary contact, no flirting, focus on your own life. If he flirts with you, “let’s keep things professional” (not ‘try’, there is no ‘try’ here because that makes it a game). Act offended. Be offended, because he’s taunting you.

it will wear off.

What is the matter with you? She is asking for help to get over it, not to act on it.

Oh yes I agree!