Kids making fun of DD's surname

[Ppoiikyy]

For a week or so, DD in year 2 has been complaining that her sort of friends in the other class are making fun of her surname and now get others to also mock her. I suggested she ignores it or tells the teacher. She doesn't want to tell the teachers but finds it very upsetting. It's first time other kids have been really mean to her and I would like to support and advise her without making it worse. Any other advice that helps in such sotuations?

I'd contact the teacher as that could be seen as bullying behaviour and needs to be dealt with

At that age it’s not up to her whether you tell the teacher or not, she needs you to advocate for her by contacting the teacher and making sure they put a stop to this behaviour.

Speak to the teacher.

This. If she’s in year 2, you need to intervene. This is bullying.

Why are you not talking to the school yourself? You need to stick up for your daughter.

You need to tell the teacher, not her

I had an embarrassing surname which rhymed with some embarrassing words - the best thing I did was laugh along, roll my eyes, shrug my shoulders...it definitely put a stop to any teasing, it really is such a silly insult that people soon get bored of making if it doesn't have any impact.

Yes....escalating with the teacher might help in year 2, but teaching your child resilience against childish teasers will help them in future years.

Talk to the teacher, the children need to be told it is not kind to say these things. Name names if you can as it may paint part of a bigger picture within school. Your DD needs to know that this sort of behaviour can be nipped in the bud.

My advice going forward, make a note of this in a diary or a list on your phone. If the name calling continues, you can refer back to when you spoke to the teacher with a date and then they can escalate the punishments for the children. Never fear of making a situation worse. School should deal with it with increasing punishment and will call parents into school if the child does not stop. I used to volunteer in a primary school for over a decade so I have seen the inside of a school that cares and shuts this sort of behaviour down swiftly.

Talk to the immediately.

This is bullying and she is far to young to manage it alone. And the other kids need to be told that this is bullying and they mustn’t do it.

There are plenty of ways to learn resilience. One of them is that you can often advocate for yourself to have bullying stopped.

Plus the fact getting away with it will do the bullies no good at all.

If this continues I will speak to the school but DD really doesn't want me to. The two girls are in the other class but are close friends with DDs best friends i.e. they are all part of a large friendship group. She is scared that me speaking to the teacher will turn everyone against her.

I'd hardly call teasing over a surname bullying.
This child will have this surname throughout their school career, this will happen throughout. Mum can't always be there to tell the teachers.

So it's not an obviously embarrassing surname or at least no one ever made fun of it when I was at school. Am also not sure whether it's proper bullying and they will move on after the half term or actual bullying.

I have a hilarious surname. I got the Micky taken out of me at primary school and worse at secondary. Best thing is to make a joke of it yourself before anyone else does. Just own it. I’m actually quite attached to my terrible surname and decided to keep it when I got married. Though my DC have their fathers name.

I agree with pp. Please advocate for your daughter and have a word with the school.
Also I’m sorry this is happening to you and to your daughter. That’s very young to be made to feel that way. 😥

I went to school with a boy who had the surname Pratt and he was teased about it all the time.

I wonder if the same thing happened to Chris Pratt?

I think I would change my/my child’s name if it were that bad. However, you say nobody ever raised it as an issue when you were young… Is it topically funny?

Is it a funny surname @Ppoiikyy ? I know you’ve said it was on for you, but maybe things have changed?

I had a comedy surname. It was ok for my dad who was a ‘bloke’ type, but not for me. Awful. I’m a massive feminist but snapped the hand of my normal husband’s surname! If it is comedy and you can help her get rid of it then please do, my life is SO much better with a normal name.

I went to school with a boy who had the surname Pratt and he was teased about it all the time.

I worked with someone who dated a Pratt but, when they got married, they changed the family surname because she didn’t want any children to be picked on.

Sof it's nothing as obvious as Chris Pratt....It's a foreign surname and if you change some letters then part of it could spell something like snot....

One of my daughter's teacher's surname was Hore. I don't know why she never changed it

I have a god awful surname. Picked on and teased for it, it was hell. You need ro advocate for her, it may not be bullying in the sence of nicking her lunch money but it is, in fact still bullying. It is lowering her self esteem and upsetting her. You need to say something, even if they move on to someone else next term this is likely to stay with her!
Teach her to be proud of her name but to not take any shit for it either.
I work with young children and to this day they still find my name hilarious, it doesn't bother me so much now and its a great icebreaker. I've even had a 6 year old tell me that my name makes him laugh inside, I told him I'm glad he is happy and laughing. Yet I still remember the chants and taunting in the playground!

My DD has a surname that is also a commonly used adverb.

When she was in year 2/3 she came back home and said "people in my class tried to make fun of my name. I told them that I will "insert adverb/surname" you."

She clearly was brave enough to take matters into her own hands - I was shocked because she spent 2 years being mute at school. Now she gets comments but has surprisingly been able to turn into into a joke (as @Ohhelpicantthinkofaname mentions) and own it - which I still find shocking 10 years on.

But your DC is too young to carry this alone.

I have dealt with bullying/harassment (not surname related). The advice I can give is -

1. I raised it with teachers (if your DD doesn't want to - speak to the teacher separately - ask or her opinion of the friendship group and express your concern but ask them to keep it confidential). Keep pushing the school to find out what resources they have to help friendships. Do they have a pastoral team of some kind?
2. Can you get the other parents involved (we did that with the friendship issue and so the parents can also enforce this - hoping that those children have half decent parents).

It sounds like your own boundaries are a little blurred OP. It’s definitely bullying, she shouldn’t have to put up with it let alone try and ignore it. Advocate for your daughter, teach her right from wrong and tell the school ASAP.

It's really not as obvious as Hore and I never even considered that it was a funny surname. Foreign yes, funny no.

OP,

I live the in the UK and have done so since primary school age. I also have a foreign last name because I am foreign, to state the obvious I guess!

I remember really vividly kids making fun of my last name. It started in primary school too, albeit not as young as Y2 and I would not describe it as full on bulling. It carried on until sixth form (though grown adults still sometimes try to make fun of it or mispronounce it on purpose). I remember it to this day so it clearly did impact me. I also remember for a really long time wishing I had a different anglicised name and DREADING any time my last name was mentioned in school.

How anxious it made me makes me so sad. Because I adore my last name now and wouldn’t give it up for the world. I think it’s a really important part of who I am and is a name I have now also passed to my child, as I think it’s an important link to their heritage given they will grow up entirely in the UK.

Your post has made me quite sad, I really thought times had moved on. It didn’t cross my mind that one day my own child may be made fun of because of the last name I now love so much. I’m so sorry your daughter is dealing with this.

I would say something, either to the teacher or to the parents of the children. I’d be pretty bloody mortified to find my child doing this. I know it’s not what your daughter wants, but as others have said, she’s so young and needs you to advocate for her.

Do you know the parents of said children, if so, do they seem like reasonable people? I’d maybe explain to them what’s going on and that for the time being you don’t want to involve the teacher but could they speak to their children, perhaps saying “I overheard you making fun of xyzs last name… why did you do that”, so perhaps it isn’t as obvious it’s come from you / your daughter.

Also, knowing how it made me feel, I would sit down with your daughter and explain to her where her last name comes from, why it’s “different”, but how special it is. And that when she’s older people will love her last name and hearing about her heritage and history. I guess try and give her the confidence or understanding to be proud of her wonderful, different name!