Kids making fun of DD's surname

[Ppoiikyy]

For a week or so, DD in year 2 has been complaining that her sort of friends in the other class are making fun of her surname and now get others to also mock her. I suggested she ignores it or tells the teacher. She doesn't want to tell the teachers but finds it very upsetting. It's first time other kids have been really mean to her and I would like to support and advise her without making it worse. Any other advice that helps in such sotuations?

I would tell the teacher your and your DD's concerns and get them or an LSA to 'notice' the girls doing it and then tell them that it isn't allowed.

There will be a school rule that it violates... only using names for praise, showing respect etc.

If the girls carry on then they can go for a chat with a member of SLT and their parents can be told. They'll stop pretty soon after that unless their home life is completely dysfunctional.

Schools have to make sure every child feels safe and happy... bottom line.

It can't be as bad as ramsbottom or something like that. (Not my surname) but I have heard some funny ones in my time.

I genuinely went to school with a boy whose surname was slang for lesbian. Poor lad. He was really affected by it as he was always on edge that someone was going to make fun of him. Weirdly, he had a sister who never got bullied for it but she was very outgoing and confident.

It’s too young at age 6/7 to fight this battle alone. Stand up for her and speak to the school.

look, OP, it doesn't matter if the surname is objectively funny or odd or not.

What matters here is your daughter is being teased, possibly bullied.

In that situation you don't really involve her in the decisions you need to make. She may well say "please don't say anything" and you reply "of course, don't you worry" but at year 2 she doesn't get to make those decisions - you do.

Go to the teacher. explain what is happening. Explain that your dd is terrified of everyone turning against her if she speaks up.

It should be very very easy for the teacher to address this. "I have overheard some talk in the playground and think we need to have a talk about what is acceptable" or whatever. it doesn't need to involve your dd telling you and you telling the teacher.

and

I'd hardly call teasing over a surname bullying.
This child will have this surname throughout their school career, this will happen throughout. Mum can't always be there to tell the teachers.

I agree with both of these posts from Googlejourney
Speaking as someone who had a surname that was mocked a lot in childhood. Nothing wrong with mentioning it to the teacher, but 100% more helpful to your dd in the long run is giving her the tools to deal with it herself.

There is also a racist/xenophobic element to making fun of a "funny foreign name" so it needs to be shut down by the school asap.

Character building. She needs to own it. With a little help from you.

I agree. My surname was an unusual one, and I got called by variations of it. As did my father when he was at school, and probably my grandfather. As did other children with surnames which leant themselves to kids making fun. We just got on with it, and you do need to teach your child some resilience. I would have been mortified if my parents had felt the need to go to the school about it.

Children need to be taught how to deal with unpleasant situations - or they are going to have a very hard life.

Kids are dickheads at times. There is obviously nothing else they can find so this is scraping the bottom of the barrel....its jealousy. They dont like that your DD is doing well and has good friends.

I definitely would bring this up with the teacher but with the caveat that your DD really doesnt want you to and this is very much on the quiet. Any half decent teacher would "accidentally" spot this so that your dd doesnt get any blame.

Just seen that others have mentioned the race element, that hadnt actually occurred to me, which really it should have done.

DD is the only person in the entire world with her name. Not because of her first name which is classic english (think Charlotte, Sophie etc) but because at the end of the 1800's her gg grandfather changed his family name. Their family name was the name of the owner of the slaves that they are descended from. DD is half Jamaican. He wanted his family to have a name that was not the "owners" name, but theirs alone. .

It is unusual and completely unique, she has close blood relations to everyone with this name, yes we have checked as DD didnt believe me or her father when we told her! Whenever anyone has commented or laughed at it (it sounds very similar to an American insult) I explain its origins and they back pedal so fast they get cramp!

So yeah, although kids are dicks, I would bring that up if they dont keep an eye on the situation to your satisfaction.

Isn’t he American though? I don’t think prat is used in American English. I’ve never heard one say it in the six-ish years I’ve lived in the US.

I'd hardly call teasing over a surname bullying.
This child will have this surname throughout their school career, this will happen throughout. Mum can't always be there to tell the teachers.

Pfffaaaaatttt...

I am screwed for life socially because of bullying I got age 8-11 for my surname. Which is not one you'd obviously pick on, but the kids did at that school. One time in corridor I had the whole class chanting at me (imagine they were shouting cock at someone with the surname Cox), only one teacher ever told the kids off for it. This bullying only happened at that school, at that age, no one said an ugly thing since about my surname. Of course it wasn't just my surname, my surname was only the start. I was socially isolated so fair game for all sorts of nasty tricks, public humiliation, public shunning and comments, constantly. And no adult acted on it. So I have a really weird screwed idea of what friendship is, whether to trust people, and extremely low expectations of all social interaction & friendship opportunities. I only learned at the time how to wallow in self-pity & how to be a miserable victim. On a positive note, I find the neuroses of MNers hilarious at times.

I wish adults & my own family hadn't made excuses like "Oh bright kids struggle socially" and "We got teased too, it's no big deal" and actually recognised instead the horrible bullying I endured.

I hope OP says something to the teacher.

I would say something to the teacher as they will (hopefully) know how to deal with it and tell them she didn't want you to so they will be sensitive about it.

From my school days back in olden times, most children got called 'funny' names at some point. My surname is not remotely 'funny' so a couple of consonants were swapped to make a mildly offensive word and I was teased about it for a few days and occasionally over the years. The best way to deal with it is to not bite or react as little as possible otherwise you are giving them amunition.

OP you should inform the teacher.

All the "it's character-building" and "she needs to learn to deal with it herself" types can get in the bin. You don't teach a kid to swim by throwing them into the deep end in full clothing, that happens much later during lifeguard training. In the same way, this year two girl has had the courage to disclose mistreatment to her mother. The girl in question is already being cowed into not disclosing to the teacher by fear of repercussions. I went to a primary school that had a similar "snitches get stitches" schoolyard culture. Fear had me not only fail to disclose beatings but also fail to disclose a sexual assault in year four.

It's not fucking character building to have two older boys take turns to grope your vulva whilst discussing the feel of your nascent pubic hair. That's not something a child can deal with themselves. What "deal with themselves" actually means is "suffer in silence so that the adults don't have to get off their arses and do something to help", let's be honest here.

If a child is terrorised by other kids into silence about the "little things" like name-calling, there's no way in hell that she will be able to speak to an adult about the big things, like being punched, kicked, and sexually assaulted. This little girl needs to know that the adults will have her back until she's old enough to handle things herself. Year two is not old enough.

You could talk to the class teacher, it's worth trying. However, bullying is not dealt with well by schools generally. I hope this school is different though.

Thank you for writing my post for me.

I also endured so much crap at school, from people that "said" they were my friends but they weren't. They were horrid almost every single day. Even when they did stuff to my house, my parents just ignored it, and ignored my pain.
I won't go into what it did to me then, it's scary and depressing as hell, as I turned my outward pain inward and my hate of others unto myself. I will say that even now, I trust so few people in my life that most in my small little town wouldn't know me to see me. And yes, I had lots of therapy but some scars are too deep to totally heal.

Character building? WTF?

It doesn't matter if it's bullying/teasing/banter. These children are being unkind and disrespectful. They need to stop. No, mums can't be there all the time. Not in nursery, Reception, year one....which is why the teachers needs to put a stop to this.

It seems there are a few posters on this thread who would happily condone their DC being unkind and disrespectful- they probably think their child is doing some sort of public service to toughen others up, when in fact they're just being rude.

What are the school values OP? I'd bet compassion/kindness/friendship etc are in there someone and the school staff need to make sure all children are filling if the school values. I'd be having a word with the teacher, the other children don't need to know how the teacher found out they were doing this, the teacher can just say they were overheard.

She is a bit young to have learned how to be nonchalant but, honestly, a yawn and a 'say something new', or 'I've heard it all before', would be appropriate comments. Quite grown up actually. Perhaps you could encourage her to do that, I think it would put a stop to the teasing. Kids can be flipping awful sometimes, they don't know their own strength but generally mean no harm.

That's ridiculous, talk to the teacher without the child knowing and tell them all that including you child's concerns about you speaking to the teacher and your concerns re bullying.