Aibu for buying DC11 Nokia

[areyoupuff]

My daughter, let's call her DC11, is like any typical pre-teen these days - she's obsessed with social media platforms, staying connected with her friends, and losing herself in endless TikTok videos and Instagram stories.

As a mother, I worry about the potential harm excessive screen time and social media exposure can do to her. She's losing interest in outdoor activities, and the digital world seems to have overshadowed the beauty of nature.

In my quest to find a balance, I decided to buy a Nokia 2660 Flip for DC11. It's a no-nonsense, basic phone much like what I used circa '06. I thought it would help her unplug from the social media webites. It would also give me some peace of mind knowing that she wouldn't be exposed to the potential dangers of social media at such a young age.

However, DC11 is not happy about it, to say the least. She feels isolated from her friends, who are all active on various social platforms. She resents not having access to the apps and games that are popular among her peers. She's going through what seems like withdrawal symptoms, constantly whining and begging for her old smartphone back. The tension in our house hold is about to go nuclear, and I'm starting to second-guess my decision.

So, dear Mumsnet, AIBU for choosing the Nokia for my daughter? Is it unreasonable to think that an 11-year-old should be encouraged to enjoy the great outdoors, or am I depriving her of a normal childhood in this digital age? What would you do in my shoes?

The phone looks like this: https://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fimages-eu.ssl-images-amazon.com%2Fimages%2FI%2F61tgKZ1LVSL.AC_UL210_SR210%2C210.jpg&tbnid=h4b2zn0EnZ-Q0M&vet=12ahUKEwjrjarJ84eCAxU4kCcCHdzJCRMQMygDegUIARC4AQ..i&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.co.uk%2FNokia-Feature-display-Connectivity-Classic%2Fdp%2FB0C6FGYH5N&docid=HnHswVBtexPYzM&w=210&h=210&q=nokia%202660&ved=2ahUKEwjrjarJ84eCAxU4kCcCHdzJCRMQMygDegUIARC4AQ

Yabu, you gave her a smartphone to replace it with that.
No wonder she's pissed with you!

she got it as a present from her aunt, we didnt want to take it away because we thought that she would be too upset

That's pretty harsh, poor kid.

At that age they just want to fit in with their friends.

She's going to stand out like a sore thumb with that antiquated phone 😬

think phones are becoming a necessary evil. Her friends will all be on SM to keep in touch & arrange their socialising. She's potentially going to miss out/be left out of things.

Youd be better getting her a more usable phone, setting parental restrictions & talking to her about online safety.

You can still encourage her to do things outside etc. Set rules about when she can/cant use it at home of you feel she's glued to it.

It's all about balance

I think it's difficult to keep kids entirely off social media and popular apps when 'all' their friends are using them, but trying to backtrack by taking away a smart phone and downgrading to a flip phone is taking it to another level of difficulty. No wonder she's unhappy!

Could you compromise by letting her use the phone or a tablet for a set amount of time at home? Maybe put in restrictions as to which apps she can use, as well.

I think yabu

Harsh, and what will happen if she will use other friends phones, eventually getting secret phones that you’ve got zero control over. Give her back her smart phone, instal some time limits on certain apps and make it clear she can’t spend all day on it, or the Nokia is back. Times have changed and phones and social media are how kids socialise these days.

My Dd11 was given a smartphone by her Dad a couple of years ago. I really didn't want her to have it and I still think she's far too young but as some other PP have said - they are become a necessary evil.

Rather than embarrass your DD with the old style phone, just have very clear boundaries around the use of it? It's fairly straight forward to activate a whole host of parental controls on these phones that will allow your DD to feel connected to her friends but have healthy limits on the use of her smart device. You can restrict apps, set screen time, set down time hours etc.
my DD11 has a totally different set of restrictions on her phone when she is with me compared with when she is with her Dad.
Its not perfect - but it works for us.

If someone took away my smartphone and replaced it with that, I'd be none too happy. Fitting in with peers is really important at that age, and as she's not a young child anymore, you have less control over what she views. She could view it all on her friends' phone. When do you think she'll be ready to have a smartphone back, because in just a couple of years she could find a second smartphone and conceal it from you?

The other issue is that being nuclear and uncompromising on this, it might make her less likely to come to you if she does get into trouble with a phone related issue later on. Have you tried to explain why you want her to limit her smartphone use and work with her to establish how it can work. Changing interests is fairly normal at this age, and main teens/preteens would rather be with friends than in the beauty of nature.

YABU. Nowadays they all have phones, and your daughter will be isolated.

Yeah, clear boundaries and restrictions on what she can and can't do on the phone. You know all passwords and it must be handed in at bedtime for charging elsewhere.

We insisted on 2 activities in the week that were away from phone.

She has said that there is no way she will behave in the limits of 3hrs daily on the phone

Then don’t give her back the phone. She doesn’t get to dictate

Dontvyou remember being a tween /teen and wanting to fit in?
Can you persuade her whole yesr grouo to seitch to nokia? Doubt it..
Tallk about boundaries instead
Find suitabls videos to watch on not sharing images etc

YANBU. It's a bloody awful idea for 11 year olds to have smart phones. It might be normal - but riding in cars without seatbelts while your parents chainsmoked used to be normal.

No 11 year old needs a smartphone. Children are actually very smart and all these restrictions and passwords aren’t as simple as people make them out to be.

I think the phone is slightly embarrassing but what choice do you have? There was a post on here about inappropriate language used on snapchat (I think the posters child was 11 or 12) and everyone jumped on them saying ‘well what do you expect when the minimum age for snapchat is 13/14 or whatever it is.’

You can’t win on MN so do what’s best for your family. At some point you will have to loosen the reins otherwise she’ll become extremely secretive

The only people who go from smartphone to dumb phone are criminals who don't want their location tracked. If she smashed her phone and it was being repaired then a dumb phone until the repair was complete is fine but it's basically a punishment to go from smartphone to dumb phone. If you didn't want her to use smartphones (not an unreasonable view ) then you should have returned the aunt's gift. It's inevitable that your dd will be fuming that she's lost the smartphone "perks" that you allowed her.

Yes!

As did putting babies (me) in the boot of the estate car in the carry cot and driving home paralytic after a mega night out. Yep, that was normal, too.

YANBU. Sounds like she's already showing signs that she's addicted ti the thing as well.

If you set the phone to automatically lock after 3 hours she has no choice but to behave within the limits. My son 13 has a limit on school day evenings, and then usage is more relaxed on weekends or holidays. I can also lock it remotely from my phone (if for example I notice that homework or chores haven't been done). I give a couple of warnings, and if he doesn't listen then the phone is locked until the following day. But tbh I don't have much problems with him and his phone as he'd rather not have the consequence

You can't be serious? 17?

I’d be more bothered about teaching her about keeping safe online and online security, and keeping that line of communication open. You can still set limits and boundaries on smartphones and I agree that open reign at 11 isn’t an option, most of those apps have age restrictions anyway. There’s got to be a middle ground because her generation will grow up in a more and more technologically focused world and you can’t simply opt out of that.

Remembering my friends at that age the ones that were hard banned from things just ending up finding ways to do them without their parents knowing. I’d much rather know what I was up against and help inform their choices rather than find out after the fact about a whole part of their life they’d kept secret.

Lol

You're takin the piss right?

Yes it is unreasonable. Whatever your thoughts on social media it's absolutely the method teens and preteens keep in contact. I was wary with my oldest but at seniors it's kind of unusual, and socially isolating, not to be on the latest apps.

If you want your dd to limit her usage, you can cap her usage. You removed her personal property and that’s really unfair.