Aibu for buying DC11 Nokia

[areyoupuff]

My daughter, let's call her DC11, is like any typical pre-teen these days - she's obsessed with social media platforms, staying connected with her friends, and losing herself in endless TikTok videos and Instagram stories.

As a mother, I worry about the potential harm excessive screen time and social media exposure can do to her. She's losing interest in outdoor activities, and the digital world seems to have overshadowed the beauty of nature.

In my quest to find a balance, I decided to buy a Nokia 2660 Flip for DC11. It's a no-nonsense, basic phone much like what I used circa '06. I thought it would help her unplug from the social media webites. It would also give me some peace of mind knowing that she wouldn't be exposed to the potential dangers of social media at such a young age.

However, DC11 is not happy about it, to say the least. She feels isolated from her friends, who are all active on various social platforms. She resents not having access to the apps and games that are popular among her peers. She's going through what seems like withdrawal symptoms, constantly whining and begging for her old smartphone back. The tension in our house hold is about to go nuclear, and I'm starting to second-guess my decision.

So, dear Mumsnet, AIBU for choosing the Nokia for my daughter? Is it unreasonable to think that an 11-year-old should be encouraged to enjoy the great outdoors, or am I depriving her of a normal childhood in this digital age? What would you do in my shoes?

The phone looks like this: https://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fimages-eu.ssl-images-amazon.com%2Fimages%2FI%2F61tgKZ1LVSL.AC_UL210_SR210%2C210.jpg&tbnid=h4b2zn0EnZ-Q0M&vet=12ahUKEwjrjarJ84eCAxU4kCcCHdzJCRMQMygDegUIARC4AQ..i&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.co.uk%2FNokia-Feature-display-Connectivity-Classic%2Fdp%2FB0C6FGYH5N&docid=HnHswVBtexPYzM&w=210&h=210&q=nokia%202660&ved=2ahUKEwjrjarJ84eCAxU4kCcCHdzJCRMQMygDegUIARC4AQ

We are lucky in our school, none of the kids have a smartphone. All the parents have bought into the idea. The kids have Nokia bricks. They arent allowed smart phones or social media till they are in secondary school. They are only allowed video games in the right age category. It's fine because everyone is consistent. You are in a very different situation especially having let her have one then taking it away. I think the only option is timed access with firm boundaries.

YABU.

Personally, I would've put in strict limits with the smartphone eg one hour a day after school and that's it.

I think that if she'd started out with the flip phone, it'd have been no problem. But if she's had a smartphone, it'd probably be better if you said "you can have the smartphone back BUT, at 5pm or whatever, you have to give it to me for the evening"

YANBU. A lot of posters here are caving into social pressure suggesting 11 year old needs a smart phone, exposure to, or accounts on social media, let alone WhatsApp etc. I firmly believe, and there is growing evidence to suggest, they do absolutely no good for mental health, social relationships or social contribution etc.

My SIL was incredibly strict with my Nieces who had very late access to a smart phone. Best decision. Ever. Eldest Niece is an incredibly well balanced, thriving at Uni. Younger at school and definitely not 'harmed' for not having access to a phone, in fact clearly better off for it!

Poor child

Fitting in is so important at that age

My kids had a brick at 12 and only allowed a smart phone at 16. I've always been very strict about all screen time. As young adults now all of my 3 DC love reading and buying new books, all do several sports each and none of them are glued to screens.

YABU and she will be isolated from her peers from this and possibly be mocked. Not saying she has to have the most expensive new model but one where she appropriately can use apps her friends are using and keep in touch at least. You'd be better imo to ensure vigilant strict parental controls and monitoring, clear boundaries, and communicating with her around online safety so she feels she can discuss any concerns and can learn how to assess and manage any risks. She can then know how to use it safely and in moderation (!) rather than than just not allowing her access to something which unfortunately is the norm and part of her age and generation. And even moreso no wonder if she had a smartphone, I would be fuming if my parents then removed this and expected me to be appreciative of it for a more basic model!

My kids had a smartphone at 12.
Both do sporting activities at least twice a week.
Both have a bedroom full of books that they read (even the one with dyslexia)
My youngest would much rather be out horse riding and my eldest is usually out on a hike with the dogs rather than 'glued to a screen'.
I don't set limits on screen time (I know, pass the smelling salts) and both kids are happy, well adjusted and quite honestly thriving.
I don't think your decision not to let your kids have a smartphone until they were 16 has had as big an impact as you think.

Better to teach your kids limits than just remove a phone. I put in parental controls, app limits etc and rules around charging phones only in the kitchen overnight.
By showing them how to control their usage you'll teach them a lifelong needed skill

@RosesAndGin it's not just not having a smartphone till 12, it's not having the gaming systems that has have encouraged other interests. My Foster son does different sport 5 times a week and still manages an active social life but tends to meet his friends in person rather than on a screen.

YANBU. Smart phones and apps are designed to be addictive. Social media shouldn’t actually be used at all by under 13s. The number of parents who ignore the dangers these things pose in order for their kids to be popular is ridiculous.

OP thanks for bringing this to my attention. I’ve been looking for a phone for DD when she goes to secondary. I wouldn’t bother at all but it’s been years since I saw a working pay phone.

@caringcarer my kids also meet their friends in person, of course they do. They make the arrangements to meet through WhatsApp or Instagram etc.
At the end of the day it doesn't matter to me what phones other people give their children, but to convince themselves they are not disadvantaged by having a 'brick' phone today is silly.

11 y6 or 11 y7? There’s a difference. If in y6 it’s kind of ok for her to not have a smart phone, she won’t be the only one who doesn’t, though it’s still a bit mean to let her have one and then take it away.

if she’s y7 then you’re probably isolating her from friendships and activities. All group chats where stuff is arranged happens over social media. I get why she’s so upset.

that said she’s only 11 and you can absolutely control her phone use and the time she can spend on it. Set parental controls so that she can’t use it after say 8pm. Rules around no phone use on family days out would also be appropriate at 11. But no smart phone at all of at secondary is very harsh.

Absolutely this.

Feel really sorry for your dd.

You can put restrictions on it so she only has access for a set period

An 11 year old shouldn't have a smart phone or be on twat Tok or any SM
You're the parent. Do some parenting 🙄

YABU. I presume you want your daughter to be isolated and bullied?