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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Do you assume diabetics with horrible complications are to blame?

251 replies

BlueberryIsMyFavourite · 21/10/2023 20:38

I'm just curious about this. And as this is an anonymous forum I thought people would answer truthfully, whereas in person I think people at least sometimes want to be more gentle.

I have type 1 diabetes for a long time now, 28 years, since childhood. I have always been incredibly sensitive to insulin and for a long time in old fashioned terms would have been called "brittle" but doctors don't tend to use that term anymore.

I have very good diabetes management now thanks to new technology. However, plenty of damage was done early on.

There just seems to be a general sense that people think diabetes is quite simple to control, and if you are struggling it's because you aren't doing something right.

Whereas, there are so, so many factors that can cause blood sugar to rise or drop apart from food - as an example, brushing my teeth can cause me to start dropping quickly, which then needs some glucose or juice to treat and stabilise it, and try brushing teeth again later. Because of course, diabetes also can destroy oral health, so good oral hygiene is very important. This is obviously a small, mundane example.

It is relentless and there are no days off.

Do you just assume diabetics with complications are essentially irresponsible?

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 21/10/2023 20:39

Nope. But if I hadn’t encountered type I through work I suppose I might have been more ignorant.

MatildaTheCat · 21/10/2023 20:40

No definitely not but I have a relative with a serious issue caused by diabetes. It’s a horrible disease.

itsgettingweird · 21/10/2023 20:40

No I don't.

But I have a good friend with type 1 who does everything she can to a,make it well and has and still suffers horrific complications.

It's a cruel condition.

Pigglesworth · 21/10/2023 20:42

No, I would definitely be aware that "it depends", and poor management of diabetes can be down to the person's behaviour, but it can also be down to the nature of that person's medical condition and how well the tools we currently have can control it.

Hapshepsut · 21/10/2023 20:42

Type 1 no, of course not. Type 2, less sympathetic ( I am type 2 myself, and yes, I could have avoided it with stronger will power and better selfcare, but I didn't)

thermalvestwearer · 21/10/2023 20:44

Definitely not

Picturesofowls · 21/10/2023 20:46

No, of course not. I would never judge anyone for their handling of a medical condition I don't have.

Iam4eels · 21/10/2023 20:47

Hapshepsut · 21/10/2023 20:42

Type 1 no, of course not. Type 2, less sympathetic ( I am type 2 myself, and yes, I could have avoided it with stronger will power and better selfcare, but I didn't)

While there are risk factors associated with developing type 2 diabetes, you cannot give yourself diabetes in the same way you can't give yourself flu or cancer or dementia. The myth that diabetes is self-inflicted is both insulting and harmful.

Backagain23 · 21/10/2023 20:47

I know a woman who refused a CGM and stopped doing finger prick checks as she "knew how she felt in herself". A pandemic and 2 years of missed clinics later and now she's on dialysis 4 days a week. Only in her 30s.
I go between feeling annoyed at her for not looking after herself and sympathy as I know that the day in day out nature of diabetes is incredibly wearing.
My DS was diagnosed T1D at 2 years old and every day is a school day and we discover more random things which can affect blood sugar. Even down to how and when we can bath him.

CurlsnSunshinetime4tea · 21/10/2023 20:47

When I was young stupid and immature yes. But I know better now.

Citrusandginger · 21/10/2023 20:48

If they are smokers as well, then honestly? Yes I do a bit. There is nothing more depressing than a hospital smoking shelter with people with amputated lower limbs still smoking.

Diet wise, I'm less judgemental. It can be hard to eat well enough to achieve good control if you don't have the resources.

Hapshepsut · 21/10/2023 20:48

Iam4eels · 21/10/2023 20:47

While there are risk factors associated with developing type 2 diabetes, you cannot give yourself diabetes in the same way you can't give yourself flu or cancer or dementia. The myth that diabetes is self-inflicted is both insulting and harmful.

In my case, it most certainly was 100% self inflicted. And not in any way related to the chances of getting cancer, which I also have

FlowersFlowersEverywhere · 21/10/2023 20:49

Think I’m mostly with @Hapshepsut . Type 2 is avoidable for many and would have less sympathy. Type 1 is much more complex, so innately I would not think complications are caused by the sufferer - but if I saw someone with Type 1 being an idiot about their diet/management, then I wouldn’t be as sympathetic if they then suffered complications (same as for any other illness where someone knows they have it but then do something stupid that makes it worse).

Terfosaurus · 21/10/2023 20:49

Honestly? Yes. Until I was diagnosed with type 2 and realised how fucking complicated it can be.

welcometothnuthouse · 21/10/2023 20:49

Dad had type 2 and I had gestational diabetes. I was gutted to learn at the time it might put me at higher risk. I have now it and have to live along side it, lost six stone prior to diagnoses and now slightly underweight but at least it is controlled for the best part with diet.

gotomomo · 21/10/2023 20:49

No but I know it's a case of it depends. I have a friend who is having complications and she openly admits it was her fault, not her fault she has diabetes but she didn't follow proper medical advice for years

Throwawaypersona · 21/10/2023 20:50

No but I have family with type 1 and type 2, I'm borderline for type 2 myself

Years ago we lost a family member due to them being "brittle" and another is about to loose his eye die to complications caused by his diabetes both type 1

I know a lot of people who don't know much about it and would probably judge until educated

Tellmeallthestories · 21/10/2023 20:50

No of course not. Some people have complications before they are even diagnosed. Some have difficult to control diabetes no matter what they do.

Human biology isn't an exact science.

Picturesofowls · 21/10/2023 20:52

Iam4eels · 21/10/2023 20:47

While there are risk factors associated with developing type 2 diabetes, you cannot give yourself diabetes in the same way you can't give yourself flu or cancer or dementia. The myth that diabetes is self-inflicted is both insulting and harmful.

I agree. I'm very slim and healthy, unlikely to get type 2. But I'm not better than anyone who has type 2 diabetes or any other condition.

I'm lucky I'm genetically slim, have been raised to understand nutrition (to some degree), don't suffer food addiction or disorder, have a medium appetite and like healthy food.

I know this makes me fortune not better than those who have any of the above not in their favour.

But I do have pcos and no its not my 'fault'.

Grmumpy · 21/10/2023 20:53

Absolutely not and I think you are brave and courageous dealing with it. My sister struggled for many years. Lockdown, stress within her family, bereavement and old age got the better of her and she died in a diabetic coma. I hope there is emotional support or support groups for people with type 1 diabetes. I only recently found out that stress causes body changes which are particularly dangerous for a person with diabetes. Please be kind to yourself.

Anotherparkingthread · 21/10/2023 20:53

Honestly? Type 2 diabetes yes.

WiddlinDiddlin · 21/10/2023 20:54

No, but then I am a hard to control insulin dependent T2 with multiple conditions and a huge raft of medication, some of which can really fuck up my BG levels without much warning.

I suspect years ago i did believe the tripe about people 'giving themselves' diabetes but i learned that wasn't true long before I was dx.

Meadowdog · 21/10/2023 20:55

Picturesofowls · 21/10/2023 20:46

No, of course not. I would never judge anyone for their handling of a medical condition I don't have.

This. And anyway I know someone who manages it with far more willpower than I ever could and still has complications so I know for a fact it's not their fault.

DramaAlpaca · 21/10/2023 20:55

Not at all. Both types of diabetes can be difficult to control.

concernedmumhelp · 21/10/2023 20:55

Hi, no, I don't blame diabetics at all for their complications, but I wasn't sure which option to tick, so didn't tick one!