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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go to the pub by myself

39 replies

User65412 · 21/10/2023 19:26

I am from and live in a small town. I used to work in most of the pubs so everyone knows me and I know most people.
I also grew up in a pub so feel very at home in one!
My dh and I used to go together but now we have 3 small DC so life is just hectic.
A friend asked me to meet for a drink tonight but can't make it now. DH has had a long work week so as soon as the kids are down he's heading to bed. I was looking forward to a bit of social interaction so might just go anyway. The pub is about 200m from my house, very small village local where I know everyone. I feel fine about it but having done it once before I felt kinda judged by a couple of people. Like you're by yourself? Is your marriage ok? Are you struggling? Men go to the pub by themselves all the time but I feel like people think it's weird if a woman does it?
I just want a nice cold glass of wine after a rough week! Would probably have 2 then come home.
Would you judge me?

OP posts:
Friolero · 21/10/2023 19:27

No I wouldn't judge you - go for it! I hope you have a lovely time.

WarmLightsAtNight · 21/10/2023 19:27

Nope. Have four!

TomatoSandwiches · 21/10/2023 19:29

No judgement from me, have fun.

deadrave · 21/10/2023 19:30

I wouldn’t judge you. Sounds like a nice evening. I’m

fairymary87 · 21/10/2023 19:30

Do it

Whattodo112222 · 21/10/2023 19:31

Go already. Have one for me!

ClarkGablesMoustache · 21/10/2023 19:32

Do it, and enjoy!

Ollifer · 21/10/2023 19:32

Even if people do judge which is ridiculous but they'll hardly say anything to you, just go and enjoy yourself. Like you said no one would bat an eyelid about a bloke going to a pub alone, we shouldn't hold ourselves back from doing things that are perfectly fine!!!!

AmyFFismyhomegirl · 21/10/2023 19:33

No. I wish more women would do it then it would feel more likely you could go in randomly and chat with someone without an assumption you were on the pull!

notacooldad · 21/10/2023 19:33

Blimey, get a grip, its 2023.
Me and my mates have been going to pubs individually since around 1984 when we were in our late teens/ early twenties That said, I’ve always had FOMO, so if no one else was around to out with I’d go by myself anyway.

People may judge you but so what? How does that judgement affect you. You don’t need to know what people think of you. You are going to a quiet pub for a couple of hours, big deal. Go out and enjoy yourself.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 21/10/2023 19:33

Go!

Pherian · 21/10/2023 19:33

I'm 42, and I go to the pub by myself occasionally. If I was by myself and saw you, I would say hello, make small talk and chat if you so wished... but judgement... nah not here.

I think it's reasonable to want some headspace and a cold glass of wine.

MissAmbrosia · 21/10/2023 19:33

I'd go! You might meet up with a crowd and have a lovely evening. Or at least take your book and have a couple. Why not?

ChannelyourinnerElsa · 21/10/2023 19:33

This is a lot of thinking for two glasses of wine. It’s a complete non event- I’ve worked many a village pub bar, I wouldn’t even notice bar to say hello and get your drink.

BurbleBumleBleep · 21/10/2023 19:34

No. I live near a similar pub and happily go in on my on.
Are they showing the rugby? You’ll have a ready made atmosphere.

JuneWind · 21/10/2023 19:34

I wouldn’t judge and am also very jealous! I’d take a good book (or scroll through mumsnet!) and honestly even if people judged me, the satisfaction I’d get from a couple of peaceful child-free hours would be more than worth it.

Swashbuckled · 21/10/2023 19:34

Go, and sit at the bar. Then you can join in the chat with the regulars.

EnoughNow2023 · 21/10/2023 19:35

No absolutely not. Go and enjoy

Ilovelurchers · 21/10/2023 19:37

I still do this and I don't drink alcohol any more!

Sometimes it is nice just to sit out somewhere and be surrounded by people. I tend to take a book, or maybe go on my phone?

As you say, men do it all the time - why shouldn't women? Go for it.

OliveToboogie · 21/10/2023 19:38

When I drank I went to pub on my own. Sat there with a glass of wine. Sometimes took a book or guess now would take my Tablet. You go girl .

Original poster
User65412 · 21/10/2023 19:38

Thanks to those saying get a grip and I'm overthinking. I'll be honest, motherhood has not come easy to me and massively knocked my confidence. Wouldn't have thought twice about it when I was younger but now everyone knows I'm 'a mum' I feel people view me differently. Like the look at me with pity somehow?! Was just asking here to hear opinions!
I don't know why I thought twice about it tonight. I'm definitely not in a tizz or anything, just hadn't made my mind up really.

OP posts:
EdgeK · 21/10/2023 19:38

One of life's great pleasures is a book, a pub, and a drink.
Some older blokes think it odd and you're just desperate for their company.
But you know the area, and you understand the territory.
Enjoy yourself x

(The book means you can say at the top of your voice 'I'M READING YOU F*CKING SEX CASE'). Hope this helps Smile

38woman · 21/10/2023 19:41

I agree with previous posters, enjoy a cold glass of wine, take a book or magazine and have a lovely evening. I go to restaurants alone on occasion and it's liberating x

itsnothingoriginal · 21/10/2023 19:43

I go to the pub for a pint on my own every week while DD has a dance lesson in town. Otherwise I'd have to walk around for an hour!

I occasionally get the odd look as it's a small town and you dont see many other women drinking solo but I'm from a city and don't see a problem with it!

Go for it OP - very liberating

BookHereNoFee · 21/10/2023 19:48

I'd LOVE to do this but I'm not brave enough (yet).

I'll happily shop by myself, go to cafes and have had coffees, lunch by myself but I always think if I go to the pub everyone will think I've been stood up and pity me. Why that matters to me I don't know but people feeling sorry for me is a massive no.