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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a Solicitor shouldn't be allowed to do this?

59 replies

Moonlightbythesea · 21/10/2023 06:18

I can't go into all the ins and outs as I don't want to out myself potentially.

I'm involved in Court proceedings regarding unpaid child maintenance. Ex has a Solicitor acting for him, I can't afford to have one represent me, although hopefully I will be ok by myself.
As part of my case I've received paperwork, copied from the Court to both parties, and I'm truly aghast at how his Solicitor has slated me in a couple of her letters.

She has made a few points about me not being very 'stable mentally', words to that affect anyway. She doesn't know me, and besides. I guess she's just writing what my ex tells her to.
Can a Solicitor do this?
I thought Solicitors had to abide by a code of conduct, or as it's Court proceedings, is there such a thing as litigation privilege where Solicitors can get away with writing all manner of derogatory words and they can't be classed as defamatory?

OP posts:
Original poster
Moonlightbythesea · 21/10/2023 07:30

Reugny · 21/10/2023 07:19

I'm another one who doesn't understand how your mental instability can be linked to him not paying maintenance for your joint children.

His own mental instability could be an excuse it could easily effect his income.

The judge will likely ignore it as it isn't relevant plus if you go into the court room and act calmly, you will have proved they are talking shit.

I'm seriously annoyed they are writing this crap, but I'll remain calm!

OP posts:
Puncturedbicycle85 · 21/10/2023 07:30

She isn’t defaming you, she is writing what her client is telling her to. It’s actually good that she is writing the letters and not him, as he would no doubt be abusive. You won’t have any course of action against her and I wouldn’t bother complaining to any regulating body because it makes you look unhinged.

Judges won’t listen to a solicitor more just because they are a solicitor but if you have legal representation it means your case will be presented better and will probably come across as more persuasive. In most family cases though at least one party is not represented so judges are very used to it.

BettyPhuckzer · 21/10/2023 07:31

I should have thought it is fine for your ex to say anything he chooses to believe

However if his solicitor is also saying that they believe it, that can't be correct

Also, for the judge to believe it, I'd have thought there would need to be a medical report to back it up

Hibiscrubbed · 21/10/2023 07:31

Interesting how he thinks claiming you’re mentally unstable will help defend his failure to pay maintenance.

“If your former partner was so unstable, why did you fail to pay to help the lives of your children that you left with this apparently unstable mother?”

Puncturedbicycle85 · 21/10/2023 07:33

Also child maintenance wouldn’t be something the courts would be dealing with as it’s done by the Child Maintenance Service so I am guessing your case is about something else. In law, payment or not of maintenance is irrelevant to whether a parent has contact with a child. You will look bad if you withhold contact on the basis that he is not paying, crappy as it may be that he’s not.

Original poster
Moonlightbythesea · 21/10/2023 07:33

MyGooseisTotallyLoose · 21/10/2023 07:15

This, unless you are saying 'give me 60% of your income to fund me for spousal income', why on earth would he rather pay a lawyer than give money to his children!

Edited
Show quote history

I think some men would rather pay as much as they have to to a Solicitor to fight their corner, rather than pay towards their Children, as they see it as giving money to the ex and not their own Children. Unbelievable.

OP posts:
MikeRafone · 21/10/2023 07:34

You get to ask questions in court, your ex doesn’t

Original poster
Moonlightbythesea · 21/10/2023 07:37

Puncturedbicycle85 · 21/10/2023 07:33

Also child maintenance wouldn’t be something the courts would be dealing with as it’s done by the Child Maintenance Service so I am guessing your case is about something else. In law, payment or not of maintenance is irrelevant to whether a parent has contact with a child. You will look bad if you withhold contact on the basis that he is not paying, crappy as it may be that he’s not.

It's a Tribunal appeal.

OP posts:
Reugny · 21/10/2023 07:37

Puncturedbicycle85 · 21/10/2023 07:33

Also child maintenance wouldn’t be something the courts would be dealing with as it’s done by the Child Maintenance Service so I am guessing your case is about something else. In law, payment or not of maintenance is irrelevant to whether a parent has contact with a child. You will look bad if you withhold contact on the basis that he is not paying, crappy as it may be that he’s not.

High income earners -as in very high income earners - can have court orders for child maintenance as the Child Maintenance Service only deals with income up to a certain amount.

Original poster
Moonlightbythesea · 21/10/2023 07:39

lazysundaymorningcoffee · 21/10/2023 07:20

I'm a lawyer and I think that's appalling if there isn't a medical report to support that. There were much better ways the solicitors could have inferred something to that effect without stating that to be a fact.

Personally I'd complain to the SRA and they will look into that.

She has pretty much implied it as a fact, which is why I'm fuming.

OP posts:
Reugny · 21/10/2023 07:42

Moonlightbythesea · 21/10/2023 07:37

It's a Tribunal appeal.

Show quote history

Then he should be focused on proving he doesn't have the income used in their calculations (or that he has more children than stated that aren't yours) rather than your mental instability or your financial circumstances.

Original poster
Moonlightbythesea · 21/10/2023 07:43

TigersTea · 21/10/2023 07:22

Perfect response

Show quote history

I agree, great response.
Yes I'm so 'unstable' that he's left me to raise our DC's with minimal support from him in all sorts of ways, including financially. But I'm the World's worst parent he'd have everyone believe.

OP posts:
lazysundaymorningcoffee · 21/10/2023 07:43

@Reugny that's absolutely appalling. I'm in litigation and would never dream of this type of mud throwing and I'd fully expect an SRA complaint if I did

Topsyturvy33 · 21/10/2023 07:47

DPs solicitor said to him, I will
do what ever you instruct me to do but this is my advice. Since she cost a million dollar we went with the latter!

His ex certainly told a pack of absolute lies. Wasn’t even abashed to have them proven as lies! I suppose for some people there is nothing wrong fighting dirty… even if it is at the detriment of the children they are suppose to love!

izzygirlis4 · 21/10/2023 07:50

Is she a member of resolution ?

Original poster
Moonlightbythesea · 21/10/2023 07:57

izzygirlis4 · 21/10/2023 07:50

Is she a member of resolution ?

I wasn't sure what this meant until I looked it up, I can't see anything on her website about this.

OP posts:
Imperfectp3rf3ction · 21/10/2023 07:58

Child maintenance is mandatory if the child is his and he earns income ( I'm not disputing either btw)

Likely hood is they're gonna either angle for or say .. that you are unstable so he doesn't want to pay you he'd rather put it in a bank / buy items blah blah and the reason he hasn't paid is because of concerns of how the money will be spent in your hands. Its basically just an excuse because everyone knows he's going to be ordered to pay not sure why he's costing himself thousands more to do so unless he's ego central and wants to believe he's won somehow which wouldn't suprise me I've seen this level of petty.

BrandNewPigBag · 21/10/2023 08:06

Solicitor will be instructed by your ex. Whether she's good or not/handled it correctly is another matter but that will have come from your ex.

A judge likely won't just accept it, either. My ILs are divorcing. MIL and her solicitor have labelled FIL as the worst thing since Dr Crippen and her as a poor wee mouse. I think they expected to be believed and just awarded £££. The judge has asked her for evidence of quite a few claims about herself and her situation and has commented on a couple of things that seem unusual about the whole situation. FIL is a kind, shy, gentle man and he's willing to give her a very generous settlement to his own detriment- she's ignored all offers and attempts to settle and is pushing for something so tilted towards her that it's actually ruinous to FIL. The judge seemingly isn't convinced and is really unpicking it.

izzygirlis4 · 21/10/2023 08:14

Just reply to her and copy in whoever she has emailed and state that she is making wild allegations about your mental health. They are untrue and no evidence to support them and in any event completely irrelevant to the case in hand.
That you find her correspondence and allegations unprofessional.

I'd also report to SRA although it probably won't get you anywhere but I'd do it anyway.

Reugny · 21/10/2023 08:20

@izzygirlis4 No point.

The judge will have seen the instability line loads of times.

Also then the solicitor through ex can use it as an excuse to ask the OP to prove she isn't mentally unstable e.g. more muck raking. The solicitor doesn't care as long as she gets paid.

junebirthdaygirl · 21/10/2023 08:29

Judges are not fools. They will be dealing with this bullshit every day and will see through it immediately. All these dad's who don't cough up are the same: there is nothing new under the sun.
Just go in with your head up and don't engage in anything but facts...no slating your ex so you hold your dignity. The more nonsense he writes the more he is exposing himself as a loser. Just take the high road. Solicitors are not always fair.
Remember in the next session in court that same Solicitor will be defending a woman who never got a penny and will be slating the guy. They just say whatever the client demands.
The judge will know.

Gillypie23 · 21/10/2023 08:29

They are instructed by the client. Your ex is playing dirty.

Fahbeep · 21/10/2023 08:37

Ignore it. The solicitor is attempting to destabilise you for advantage in the claim. Proceed on the facts and don't rise to the bait in anger. Judge will be impressed with you if you keep your cool and pursue the claim in a reasonable way.

Original poster
Moonlightbythesea · 21/10/2023 08:41

BrandNewPigBag · 21/10/2023 08:06

Solicitor will be instructed by your ex. Whether she's good or not/handled it correctly is another matter but that will have come from your ex.

A judge likely won't just accept it, either. My ILs are divorcing. MIL and her solicitor have labelled FIL as the worst thing since Dr Crippen and her as a poor wee mouse. I think they expected to be believed and just awarded £££. The judge has asked her for evidence of quite a few claims about herself and her situation and has commented on a couple of things that seem unusual about the whole situation. FIL is a kind, shy, gentle man and he's willing to give her a very generous settlement to his own detriment- she's ignored all offers and attempts to settle and is pushing for something so tilted towards her that it's actually ruinous to FIL. The judge seemingly isn't convinced and is really unpicking it.

Hopefully your MIL''s shitty behaviour will backfire on her.

OP posts:
Puncturedbicycle85 · 21/10/2023 08:53

Oh sorry didn’t realise it was a case in a tribunal. Ok well I can’t see how your mental health has even the slightest relevance if it’s about his liability to pay. At least you can be reassured that he’s spending loads on the lawyer.
As for the allegations, just be simple and factual and say you dispute it if it comes up. The calmer you are the better.