Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To rehome the dog without my mothers agreement

65 replies

PurpleBugz · 20/10/2023 11:55

Got a puppy when I was in a happy committed relationship. I have always had dogs and know they are a commitment you don’t take on lightly.

My toddler turned out to have significant special needs so walking the dog became a challenge as son wasn’t safe to take on walks. I got pregnant just before my Sen kiddo looses his school place as his needs are too significant for school. So I can’t even walk dog when he’s at school now. Partner has to take on dog walking.

I then am struck with long term health problems affecting my mobility. Partner can’t cope with it all and we spilt up.

I face the reality I need to rehome the dog. My mum offers to have the dog as her dog just died. Seems a brilliant solution.

My mum has spent 12 weeks of the last year on holiday and every time I’m expected to have the dog. My mother makes regular comments about how she has taken on the burden of my dog. Every time I say we need to rehome dog mum says no.

My dad is terminal and when he dies my mother plans to spend even more time on holidays so this problem is only going to get worse.

I’m really suffering today can’t cope have sent kids to my ex as I can’t hardly walk etc. Then my dad is in hospital and my mum phones me to go get the dog as she’s not home. I say I can’t drive. Mum very pissed off with me. Which I will excuse because my dad is very ill and she’s upset. But I’m being made to feel like a terrible person because I cant get the dog.

I know her husband is dying but he’s my dad and I’m upset too. Instead of going through this as a family I’m getting her on my case for a dog I’ve been saying needs to be rehomed for the last 2 years.

Would I be unreasonable to just rehome the dog next time I have her? Her chip is registered to me so I can do it without mothers involvement. It just feels so horrible to do behind her back as she’s had the dog 2 years now. but saying I can’t have the dog is just being ignored.

I’m upset about my dad I don’t want this dog drama maybe it’s making me unreasonable? What do I do?

OP posts:

NoSquirrels · 20/10/2023 15:25

PurpleBugz · 20/10/2023 12:06

My mother won't consider this I've suggested it. She thinking you have a dog you should care for it. Growing up we always had dog friendly holidays. But because it's my dog she feels I need to have her while mum goes away

Show quote history

But it isn’t your dog. It’s now your mother’s dog.

If it’s your dog, then you get to decide about rehoming it.

If it’s not your dog, then you have no obligation to dogsit.

WiddlinDiddlin · 20/10/2023 15:30

Tell her then.

'I rehomed the dog to you because I do not have time for a dog. This is now your dog, and it is up to you to meet the dogs needs all of the time.

If you bring the dog here or cause me to collect the dog to avoid the dog suffering I WILL REHOME THE DOG TO SOMEONE ELSE. '

Thats it. Though rehoming a dog swiftly is not all that easy of course...

TheCupboardUnderTheStairsAtTheMojoDojoCasaHouse · 20/10/2023 15:30

You need to stop taking the dog for holidays and tell her to make alternative arrangements.

I got pregnant just before my Sen kiddo looses his school place as his needs are too significant for school.

It seems like this is the crux of the issue. Is there any prospect of your child getting a school place soon?

TeeedleDum · 20/10/2023 15:40

WiddlinDiddlin · 20/10/2023 15:30

Tell her then.

'I rehomed the dog to you because I do not have time for a dog. This is now your dog, and it is up to you to meet the dogs needs all of the time.

If you bring the dog here or cause me to collect the dog to avoid the dog suffering I WILL REHOME THE DOG TO SOMEONE ELSE. '

Thats it. Though rehoming a dog swiftly is not all that easy of course...

This.

I think it would be very unreasonable for you to re-home behind her back but it is very unreasonable of her to go on holiday and leave you with no option. It's your mum's dog now and she should be making arrangements with a dog boarder. If she can't afford a dog boarder she should adjust her holidays accordingly.

J316 · 20/10/2023 16:08

WhateverMate · 20/10/2023 13:13

Since you have tried to do this and she simply dumps the dog onto you ag the last minute, my personal solution would be bf to rehome it while she is away and ptetend it met with some dread accident.

This is ridiculous because apart from the fact it's a disgusting lie, the OP's DM is not 'simply dumping the dog on her'.

The OP is agreeing to look after it, so needs to stop doing so.

It's not like she flings the dog through the door and shoots off in a taxi.

Show quote history

No! What the mother does is leaves the dog with her Ill husband so the op has no choice but to pick dog up.

WhateverMate · 20/10/2023 16:37

J316 · 20/10/2023 16:08

No! What the mother does is leaves the dog with her Ill husband so the op has no choice but to pick dog up.

Show quote history

That's what happened this time.

However the OP says....

My mum has spent 12 weeks of the last year on holiday and every time I’m expected to have the dog.

disappearingfish · 20/10/2023 16:40

What kind of dog? The "shelters are full" probably true only for dogs with problems. A young dog with no health or behavioural issues is likely to find a home.

Neriah · 20/10/2023 16:45

PurpleBugz · 20/10/2023 12:04

I can't afford it. Lost my job as son out of school. I've done it a bit when I have the dog but I struggle to even pick up the poo in the garden now

Show quote history

If she can afford holidays she can afford it. It's her dog now.

MatildaonMain · 20/10/2023 16:48

You need to keep saying no and when she says the dog is your responsibility either day ‘if she’s my responsibility then it’s my choice to rehome her. If she’s your responsibility then it’s up to you to find a solution that doesn’t rely on me’

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 20/10/2023 16:55

Mum, I rehomed dog to you on the understanding that she is now your dog. You knew that I was going to rehome dog, you knew I could no longer look after her at all, you said you would give her a new home.

If you persist in telling me that she is still my dog, and keep abandoning her expecting me to pick up the pieces when you are away, then I will absolutely treat her as my dog, and I will rehome her as I wanted to originally.

It's your choice, either she's your dog, and you need to look after her and arange proper care for her while you are away - which will not be me, ever again! - or she is my dog and I will rehome her the next time you abandon her expecting me to care for her.

I am deadly serious, I will do this.

bellac11 · 20/10/2023 16:59

Yes you need to use the right language when you speak to her

She is abandoning the dog, she isnt caring for the dog properly, she isnt looking after the dog

Going on about 'you have a dog and you care for it' in her argument against having a dog sitter/walker when she isnt caring for the dog at all!!!

OP is between a rock and a hard place, she will worry about her dad not being able to cope in the home, even having an accident if he trips over the dog or slips in dog mess because the dog is kept inside so she naturally steps in

Also OP I dont know if your mum helps out at all with your health and your children, if so is she likely to withdraw that if you refuse to care for the dog?

Atethehalloweenchocs · 20/10/2023 16:59

I think you have to give your mum a clear message about what you can and cant do, and then refuse to take the dog. It is not right for your to rehome the dog.

NamelessNancy · 20/10/2023 17:04

I know it doesn't answer OP's question but just wanted to correct a common misconception.

Microchip registration is NOT proof of dog ownership. The chip is registered to the "keeper" of the dog. Whilst in most cases this is the owner that is not always the case. Similar to the situation with car registration documents.

YeahIsaidit · 20/10/2023 17:04

YABU, it's your mums dog now, you can't just give it away. Remind her each time she gets pissy with you that she offered to take the dog as you could no longer cope with it and therefore it's HER responsibility to find care for it if she's unavailable and that you won't be taking it anymore.

Liglig · 20/10/2023 20:32

I really feel for you because it feels like an impossible situation as when you refuse to take on the dog she leaves it at her house with her husband (your unwell father) who sounds like he is far too unwell to cope with the dog, and then that's where you naturally step in and end up collecting the dog, probably because you worry about the dog and your father being left alone with it while he's so unwell. I think your mother is not only being selfish to you and the dog but she is being selfish to your father (her husband) does she not care about your father? Why is she swanning off on holiday and leaving him alone with the dog? I have no answers OP I hope you find a solution somehow, maybe ask friends or other family if they would take on the dog? It would be better than rehoming, since I've just read your dog is of senior age which is a disadvantage at a dog shelter and is a lot for a senior dog to go through. (Hope I've not got my wires crossed with the information I have understood to be true)

Flip

1 2 3