I can't be the only one this happens to?

[queenofayrshire]

Woke up this morning, laying in bed and having a nice relaxed scroll through Mumsnet. Come across the thread about which generation had it the hardest. This somehow led my brain to think about how one day I will be dead. Usually I'm quite chill about dying, don't give it much thought, no control over it, when my time is up, it's up etc. don't think too deeply. However not the case this morning.

I got this overwhelming gut punch in my stomach realising that I'm going to die one day. And that the people I have been surrounded by all my life, will no longer be with me and the things I enjoy doing, I'll not be able to do again. And I'll be alone for eternity. And me and everyone else I know will be forgotten about in 100 years, as if we didn't exist. I feel this overwhelming panic and helplessness. I know it'll pass, I'm 31 and have experienced this before.

But does this happen to anyone else? Like I know death is inevitable but I keep it at arms length but once in a while the reality of it hits me. Anyone else?

Ugh what a way to start a Friday

Oh yeah, a bit of periodic death angst is normal I think, especially on a Friday (when you are tired) and at the beginning of winter.

Put your phone in the sitting room as PP says
maybe get an SAD lamp
don’t walk through any graveyards for a bit

Haha solid advice. Will give my daily jaunt through the graveyard a miss for next few days 😂

I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
Mark Twain

Bless you...ive had same thoughts... worried, panicked...but...Tbh though i thought, theres not much i can do about any of it, its inevitable for us all. Im only person who leaves flowers at my great grandparents grave, grandparents..theyll be forgotten when i go. Im not frightened of death,my body is in a lot of pain anyway, im not depressed but it will bring relief from massive pain 24/7.
Families will move on but thats what we want them to do isnt it? We raise kids so they carry on the human race, bloodline...thats all there is to it..everything is beyond our control.
Have you thought of looking into Buddhism way of thinking about life and death? It will make you feel differently i feel xxx

I'm 72, so a lot closer to it than you are OP.
I'm always aware of death and age, but it doesn't really worry me as such, I'm fit and healthy at the moment though.
What does make me sad is that I probably won't see my great nieces and nephews grow up.They are aged 1 and 2.
I do understand how you feel though.My Mum died at 91, so I'm hoping I will live as long.

Hi OP, this is something I have experienced a lot and recently has got to the point of being an obsession that is keeping me awake at night and every thought process leads me back to it (I will watch a TV show and someone saves another person's life and this awful voice in my head starts saying well actually no you just prolonged it a bit they are still going to die, we all are and it's all pointless) all day, every day. It's exhausting and I've fallen into a horrible depression over it. I'm seeing my gp next week. There is a phobia for fear of death to this extreme so I obviously have that. I'm not really sure how you get over it as nothing seems to help me

I've had this (or similar thoughts) over the years - contemplating your own mortality is part of being human, and a healthy thing to do.

I'm in my 50s now, so closer to it. I think when you get older it gives you a sense of urgency to 'make hay while the sun shines'! But also helps you to realise what's important.

It'll pass, and you'll carry on with your day, as we all do 😁

I used to get this, OP, a really visceral deep realisation of my own mortality that seemed almost unbearable. Then I was seriously ill (multiple cancers) having to undergo traumatic surgery, long hospital stay and treatment. I was so scared of the operations. But I have never since felt afraid of dying. I actually find the idea that my life will come to a natural end comforting. It's a cliche, but when you truly face up to your own mortality, you more fully appreciate what it is to be alive.

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way 😔 that sounds awful and must be really exhausting for you not getting a break from it. I'm sure that you will find relief and get some help after speaking with the GP. This will pass. Sounds like you are ruminating and that's a difficult cycle to get out of but you'll get out of it. Hope you feel better soon. In the meantime

I've always had these thoughts but more so since becoming a parent. I think it's terribly rude that people have to die!

I've had this since I was 12 I'm not sure if this will offer comfort but I've been near to / resuscitated 3 times now each time I had no concerns with them thoughts about being gone ect but about my kids and if they'd be okay. So i guess the way I see it is there is no need to be afraid or sad

When I get this I try and think of the things I won't miss ... toothache, having to get on an aeroplane, grief, hangovers ...

I'm feeling this too. My mother is at end of life, and as I sat with her today I was struck not just by the grief of being about to lose her as such but that one day my children will grieve for me and I don't want that for them. They're both under 5 at the minute and I haven't seen them experience any hardships so the idea of them experiencing such a big one hit me hard.

I'm sorry for your loss

Why do you think you will be alone for all eternity ? Either you believe that death is the absolute end of you or you don't.
Personally I think someone will come along and collect you when you leave your body, then you begin another phase of being, if I am wrong I won't be bothered

I've had this since I was a child.

I'm 58 now and in the last 8 years I've lost my father, my mother, my aunt who was like a grandma to me, my god son and my dh. Sometimes I look at pictures and think "god, they're all dead. All those smiling, happy-looking, alive-looking people are dead".

Strangely, my dh dying has made me less afraid somehow. I don't know why or how - maybe because he was so brave throughout years of pain and illness, maybe because he was so matter of fact about it, I really don't know.

I still have moments of absolute panic but they happen much less frequently now. I do still feel an almost physical pain when I think about my dc dying though :(.

It used to happen to me but since being terminally ill, I have made my peace with it

I am terrified of dying.
I dont think about it often, but it is always there, at the back of my mind.
So yeah, I know exactly what you mean!

I worry about dying suddenly while my children are young and them growing up without a mother. If I died now my 4yo DD might just about remember me but my 9mo DS would have no memories. I don't want them to have that turmoil and grief in their life, no one else will ever love them how I do (obviously DH loves them just as much, but it's not a mother's love) and I don't want them to lose that. Plus I really want to see them grow up.

My eldest DS died unexpectedly so I have a specific anxiety about loved ones or myself dying without warning.

I am the opposite OP, I have zero fear of death but am terrified of a long life. The idea of old age horrifies me, the daily shuffling around counting pills, living with chronic conditions etc then the eventual slow fading away in a bed, your mind slipping a little every day, dribbling into a cup and being spoon fed gunk while your kids fall apart with guilt and worry. Then a tiny miserable funeral because almost everyone has gone before you and your kids will feel sad but admit that they mostly feel relief and that the real you was gone long before. I'd trade 10 years off my life for a quick but dignified exit. I'm 46 now and sometimes the thought of another potential 40 years depresses me, I have gone through phases of becoming fixated on this and down about it.

I am 72 and yes I do think about my morality quite a lot but I worry more about losing the people I love. I am spiritual and trust that there is more than life on this plane. I could be in for a surprise! One day I will find out that is for sure. 🙄

I’ve been having these thoughts recently, like how everyone’s basically waiting to die and every day we’re getting closer.

Not only that, but how one day I’ll be an old lady and basically invisible in society. No one will treat me the same as I’m old and nearly dead anyway 😃 (that’s the impression I get about how society views old people generally)

It makes me wonder what the point of it all is really. I’m 33 but I think the realisation that my life is going too quick is what triggered it!

Mortality although morality may well be something I should worry about too if I want to go to Heaven.

Not sure about everyone else but I certainly won’t be dying!

I get this fairly often @queenofayrshire and always wonder if it’s just me. It is horrible. But I am slightly pleased (sorry!) to know I’m not alone in this feeling/experience.

So glad you posted this.. I nearly posted the same thing. I’ve had it for about a week now, just keep on thinking about it. I had thought about the death thing before but only this week have I been thinking about how everyone is forgotten and your entire family will not even be mentioned by anyone a few generations down. It’s made me feel like a lot of things are a bit laughable and pointless. Even the concept of mortgages etc, you’re buying a house just for a little while. Your car is only yours for a short time and your kids are only even your kids for a set amount of time before you’re all gone.

Its as if you should feel ridiculous for thinking any of this but it’s all completely accurate. You have to just somehow trick yourself back into your cheery little bubble again and forget about it 😆