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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you ever get TOTALLY overwhelmed by wanting to do lots of things, yet end up doing nothing?

72 replies

Howmanyblanketsdoiwant · 18/10/2023 21:36

Honestly, I drive myself mad. I have ADHD and my Mum died recently and I am grieving or depressed or a bit of both.

I have so many things I want to do...and end up doing nothing. There is so much jostling around in my brain, I can't prioritise what I want to do most. So I eventually just slump with exhaustion and do very little.

For example, I signed up to go to a lecture tonight that I ended up cancelling. I spent the whole day consumed with things I should be doing and want to do, did nothing, and it's like I couldn't find the enthusiasm to go to the lecture this evening then.

I have so many things I'm interested in, realise I don't have enough time and get exhausted and overwhelmed, is anyone else like this?

I genuinely love yoga but yet again, have signed up for a monthly membership to Classpass and haven't gone - because my two favourite studios can't be booked for some reason, so I'm overwhelmed and haven't tried anywhere else.

Even fucking Netflix and other streaming services - I can't prioritise what to watch. Loads of stuff looks good, and then I can't choose and get drained and watch nothing.

If you relate, have you found anything that helped you prioritise? Could ADHD coaching teach me some tools to work with this?

OP posts:
TheBeatles · 18/10/2023 21:38

Have you tried medication for ADHD? I know it’s not suitable for everyone but the first time I tried it… wow. All of the above issues simply vanished for a few hours.

Smartstuffed · 18/10/2023 21:39

Same here but I know the reason why. Diagnosed ADHD but un-medicated due to current meds shortage.

Original poster
Howmanyblanketsdoiwant · 18/10/2023 21:40

I'm so tempted by medication. I have heart and blood pressure complications though so I'm scared to.

I envy you your issues melting away! Wow! Are you still able to take it?

OP posts:
TheBeatles · 18/10/2023 21:40

Also, I’m sorry that you’ve lost your mum. That’s surely going to have a big impact too. Grief can be very draining 💐

magneticmoon · 18/10/2023 21:41

I came in here to say sounds like my ADHD but no need...

Whydoifeelthisway · 18/10/2023 21:42

this has been me this evening. On waiting list for ADHD diagnosis.

@TheBeatles did you find it helpful?

BethTalk2thehandpodcast · 18/10/2023 21:43

I think it might help to break your to do list into chunks. Firstly I’d suggest making a list of the things you want to do. Select one of them, just one, and lay out what you need to do to achieve it. It might be big enough that you need to make a sub-list of things you need to do to get there. Ignore everything else and put everything into achieving that one thing. When you’ve mastered that, pick the next thing. Don’t beat yourself over what you haven’t done, but give yourself a pat on the back for what you have done.

Zoologydragon · 18/10/2023 21:47

This is me!

Bizarrely, having music in wireless earphones makes me achieve things. Otherwise I just end up doing nothing. I'm very all or nothing tbh....I'm either flying around like a blue arse fly achieving everything or I'm lolling around achieving nothing at all and then feeling guilty!

DaisyWaldron · 18/10/2023 21:47

I saw the thread title and was going to reply with "yes, but in my case it's because I have I have ADHD", but I'm not the only one!

I'm sorry about your mum.

In my case, the things that help the most are masking less, which means I spend less energy on trying to act normal, and accepting that I will find everyday life more exhausting than most people and build in proper periods of rest and recovery BEFORE the things I want to do as well as after and that one unit of busy time will "cost" me two units of rest.

Original poster
Howmanyblanketsdoiwant · 18/10/2023 21:48

I don't even have a to do list, it sounds really stupid but I don't know how to make one?

What I mean is - the list either ends up being massive vague statement such as "make simple website for small business" or the complete opposite, it's a never ending list of very small tasks such as "hoover rug" and "choose hair salon and style and make appointment".

The list always looks unbalanced and makes me feel anxious. Also, I don't know where to stop with it? The life list of tasks never ends until, well, life ends. I don't know how to neatly wrap up the list, it goes on day after day or else there's no list at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Howmanyblanketsdoiwant · 18/10/2023 21:50

Zoologydragon · 18/10/2023 21:47

This is me!

Bizarrely, having music in wireless earphones makes me achieve things. Otherwise I just end up doing nothing. I'm very all or nothing tbh....I'm either flying around like a blue arse fly achieving everything or I'm lolling around achieving nothing at all and then feeling guilty!

Oh this has reminded me that I do get some modest success with music playing! thank you!

It can't have any words or any particularly interesting musical structure but I do like certain music for trying to do things.

OP posts:
PantsOfDoom · 18/10/2023 21:52

Make a list of 5 things and do the absolute worst thing immediately first thing in the day

Notsuredontknow · 18/10/2023 21:53

I feel like this all the time and I only recently found out it’s a sign of adhd. I don’t know any of the other signs so might start to look into it…

I have a big to do list but agree it is overwhelming. I break it down by “to do this week” or “to do for DCs” as I find that helps. Sometimes even “to do tonight” and then it’s the little things like “hoover rug” Op. Still tonnes of stuff that’s been on the list for ages though

Catwoman1985 · 18/10/2023 21:54

Yes, all the time. I'm also neurodivergent. I think it's a ND thing - executive function etc.

Boredof2020 · 18/10/2023 21:56

I don't have adhd but can relate as i lost my husband last year. I want to do stuff but I really can't be bothered. I really do need to because all I do is work, not sleep and go to asda. Not exactly living, just survival really.

Freepublictransport · 18/10/2023 21:58

This sounds like me. I start doing one thing and another thing pops into my brain so I start doing that without finishing the other task.
I make lists, sometimes sub-dividing, sometimes not. They do help and find it better to write than put it on my phone.

At lot of my tasks at the moment are sorting out some rooms in my house and I feel like I’m just shifting the mess around rather than truly organising it.
My DD seems to think I have ADHD traits.

Fleetheart · 18/10/2023 21:58

I’m like this; my DS has ADHD so maybe i have too. I get things done by making a list and setting deadlines. I also have to be realistic and recognise that I need time - I can’t work at deadline pace for very long. Caffeine does help. I wouldn’t recommend stimulant drugs if you have any suspicion of heart irregularities. the main thing is to be kind to yourself and don’t get exasperated. you will get it done in the end!

BethTalk2thehandpodcast · 18/10/2023 22:01

Imbalance of the task size on the list is fine, as I say, you can have a sub list for the beefier tasks. Personally I have a list with everything on it. At the top I have a section called today, and a section called this week, and then a section called future. Each morning I look through the this week section and move a few tasks into today. Each week I look through the long list at the bottom and move some into the this week section. Every now and then I look at the long list and see stuff that’s been there for months and it’s still not even close to getting priority, so I remove it from the list. Ticking stuff off is immensely satisfying so rather than keeping the list consistent with the big jobs, I’d actually urge you to include some of the routine jobs in there. On a tough day, you might only put hoovering into your today list. On a day where you feel better, you might put hoovering and a couple of steps for your website e.g. register domain and organise hosting. The list is yours and having it gives you control, which certainly makes me feel better - as does ticking things off or removing them.

This may not be for everyone but it has helped me stay organised and productive over a long period of time. You may think, I just want the today part, that’s fine, do that. Having some structure over what you need to do is the first step to actually doing it.

I hope you find something in there that you can use.

feelingnotbelieving · 18/10/2023 22:02

Oh my god this is me. I think sometimes I’m just extra lazy. But the truth is when I’m busy, when my diary is full, or I know i have loads to cram into one day, I’m really productive. I actually manage to squeeze more in on busy days. On days where I have no obligations but plenty “to be getting on with”, I do nothing. My mood plummets. My washing basket will be sky high but even with an empty schedule it’ll remain untouched. I get so fed up with myself. I go days not going shopping because I haven’t made a list and I can’t go into the shop without a list (I’ve walked out before because I just get upset having to make decisions with no list or no plan), but then I sometimes can’t even get round to making a meal plan let alone a list. There’s loads of stuff I struggle with. Thought about discussing adhd with a doctor but literally everyone is getting diagnosed with adhd/autism atm (massive spike in adult female diagnoses) i feel like they’ll just roll their eyes and say no you’re just stressed/anxious/overwhelmed. It’s just gotten worse as I’ve gotten older.

Maryamlouise · 18/10/2023 22:03

I can't remember the name of the book I read recently but it said to have a to do list where you write down everything you think of but then pick the 10 most urgent/important and start with those and only add something else in when one is completed. And to keep a done list as well as a more positive spin on it - to do list seems overwhelming but done list reminds you of everything achieved. Have found it helpful

LadyTrunchbull · 18/10/2023 22:04

For me the issue is that I can't seem to do things casually and always want to go all in. This makes it overwhelming to try and do all the things I want. For this reason I've picked a couple of primary hobbies to get obsessive over and everything else I just roll with.

I'm not currently on meds but I hit the gym and lift heavy 3x a week which does wonders for chilling me out.

CheshireSplat · 18/10/2023 22:06

I was feeling like this about one particular thing the other day.

I am a much happier person when I've read a bit of a book as opposed to scrolling on my phone.

I had about 8 really good half read books next to the bed. I have had them there for months and haven't touched them for months.

I moved all but one to a book shelf and started reading that one immediately. Could you apply some kind of principle like that? All I could think about was which book I wasn't reading, so I read none. And now I might get through them all one by one. But even if I don't, some is better than none.

NoraLuka · 18/10/2023 22:06

Yes! I am self employed and never miss a deadline but if there’s lots of time before the deadline I faff around something awful and the work always seems to take up all the available time, even when I have loads of non-work stuff to do.

I also spend so long deciding what to do that in the end nothing gets done. Or I start a few things at once and none of them get finished. On the plus side, I have lots of practice tidying the whole house in record time so it’s done before guests arrive 😁

I don’t have ADHD so maybe this won’t be helpful but I’ve found the thing to do is to list the tasks and start with the one that takes least time, then once that’s done it’s satisfying so it creates a kind of momentum to do the next thing, etc.

Peachyscream · 18/10/2023 22:06

OP, this is me in a nutshell. I have soooo much to do but actually doing it feels beyond me.

CalmConfident · 18/10/2023 22:09

Music or background buzz helps me focus too. Starting to wonder if I have some ADHD traits…

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