Would you say something to the class teacher?

[Spangler]

And if so, what?

NC but I’m a regular user.

Been going to a toddler group for six weeks now and I’ve noticed another mum there (she may also be grandma as she seems older? I think this is relevant - if I was leaving my child with someone like this I would be horrified). I am worried she seems to be struggling with her mental health/looking after her child. I don’t know anything about her so there’s nothing I can do except possibly say something to the class teacher and ask her to signpost her for support?

Examples:

I have never seen her smile. She is not warm towards her child.

It is an interactive class not a stay and play. Today she literally sat on her phone doing online shopping most of the time.

She does absolutely nothing to put boundaries in with her DC. DC was pushing another child and she sat where she was and said “be nice. Cuddle.” And then went back on her phone.

She is really critical, rolls her eyes at her DC. She hardly speaks to her other than to tell her off.

On the way out, the kid dropped her dummy and she yelled at her “OH FOR GOD’S SAKE WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?!”

I know anyone can have a bad day, but I feel so sad for this child. This is consistent across the six weeks.

YABU keep your beak out.

YANBU let the class teacher know you are concerned.

If you think I should say something, what would you say?

Thanks MN!

Toddler group so not actually a teacher? Depending on the set up she might not have much power to do or say anything.

keep out of it. Not your business. Try not to judge.

Teacher??

A teacher or another parent ? If it’s the latter, have you tried to talk to her ?

If it's a toddler group it won't be a teacher but probably a volunteer. I don't know what you would expect them to do. But if you have noticed something is amis surely they will have done to.
I think you would be much more helpful trying to get to know the mother/grandparent. She may be struggling. She might be totally different in another environment.

It’s another parent who is being like this.

This is what I am thinking, apart from asking if she is okay I’m not sure that there’s anything the leader/teacher can do. But maybe she needs to be asked if she’s okay.

@ASCCM I’m concerned for the poor kid! Would you not be?

I have tried to smile and say hi but it’s not a very chatty group.

@Notmetoo she’s not a volunteer, it’s a paid group. It’s her business.

She's not up to your parenting standards but this is not neglect.

I think you should ask her if she's OK and beyond that mind your own business unless you see her actually harming the child.

The class teacher has no more responsibility here than you do. If you’re concerned call the NSPCC.

Unfortunately, parents who prefer to be on their phone than interacting with their children are far too common.

You only have to go to a soft play to see how little they care.

It's depressing, but there's not much you can actually do.

If the owner of the business doesn't call out the parent to interact when they are supposed to, it's obvious she's not that bothered herself.

Seems like the general consensus is to keep out of it.

Thank you everyone, that’s really helpful.

If you're very concerned, contact your local MASH for advice. You don't have to report it, just describe it and ask them what they think.

Have you tried chatting to the mum? If she's struggling she might appreciate a friend.

But I disagree about staying out of it. I'd try to see if they're ok. Safeguarding kids is everyone's responsibility. If she's likes this in public, it'll be far worse at home.

Signpost her where exactly?
Social services? How do you see this conversation going? "Hello, I would like to report a parent. I have never seen her smile and she spends an hour on her phone during a toddler group"...
The parenting may seem less than ideal and you have a professional in the room who doesn't find it concerning.

What would the class leader do though? Presumably she is observing the same things you are already.

It doesn’t sound nice but I don’t think there’s much you can do sadly.

@SacAMain yes the phone thing was kind of depressing. She’s on her phone a lot but I always assumed she was taking pictures or something.

but the thing that worries or sticks out most is the lack of interaction generally and the complete lack of warmth

Safeguarding is everyone’s responsibility, I would be concerned. I would phone the NSPCC.

Yes I am worried about this. Especially with the shouting today.

She sounds awful but I'm not sure what anyone can do about it.

Yes this is the conversation I’m having with myself in my head.

Theres definitely something you can do. I really wish people took these things more seriously. The mum might have PND, and the child is in need of help.
I would speak to your local MASH OP. You can make anonymous reports. Google your Local authority and MASH team. They'll be able to advise you.

You can normally spot the people who have had safeguarding training on these threads, and they are not normally the ones telling you to keep your sticky beak out of it.

I am assuming as it is a business the organiser should have done some basic safeguarding training. I would either have a quiet word or as others have said contact NSPCC/MASH for advice

What the last two posters above here have said