Would you say something to the class teacher?

[Spangler]

And if so, what?

NC but I’m a regular user.

Been going to a toddler group for six weeks now and I’ve noticed another mum there (she may also be grandma as she seems older? I think this is relevant - if I was leaving my child with someone like this I would be horrified). I am worried she seems to be struggling with her mental health/looking after her child. I don’t know anything about her so there’s nothing I can do except possibly say something to the class teacher and ask her to signpost her for support?

Examples:

I have never seen her smile. She is not warm towards her child.

It is an interactive class not a stay and play. Today she literally sat on her phone doing online shopping most of the time.

She does absolutely nothing to put boundaries in with her DC. DC was pushing another child and she sat where she was and said “be nice. Cuddle.” And then went back on her phone.

She is really critical, rolls her eyes at her DC. She hardly speaks to her other than to tell her off.

On the way out, the kid dropped her dummy and she yelled at her “OH FOR GOD’S SAKE WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?!”

I know anyone can have a bad day, but I feel so sad for this child. This is consistent across the six weeks.

YABU keep your beak out.

YANBU let the class teacher know you are concerned.

If you think I should say something, what would you say?

Thanks MN!

Can't you ask the woman yourself if she is ok? Why do you want the teacher to speak to her?

Why not see if she wants to have a cuppa or a walk or go to the park or something after the class and find out a bit more about the full situation.

I think it's harsh to judge someone based on a 30 minute class once a week.

This is such a common occurrence. I would have a quiet word with the group leader, after irritable woman has left. But all the time I see children having no interaction with their parents, who are staring at their 'phones and getting annoyed if their child distracts them from it.

I wouldn’t approach her as what would be the point - I’d try and report somewhere though (others posters will have a better idea of where). Your report could be another piece in the jigsaw to get this kid some help if they’re already known to SS in some form or another. I’ve read countless times on here from people who had abusive childhoods that they wished that someone would have reported concerns.

@PestilencialCrisis yes I agree I should have tried harder to speak to her. I did try to be friendly with everyone in the group but no one really responded so just kept myself to myself. It’s not that convenient so o won’t be going back now, so no opportunity to try to speak to her again.

However saying it’s unfair to judge - i’m not ‘judging’. I’ve observed some worrying stuff and im not sure if I can help her or her DC. I’ve seen her with her DC for five hours now and I’ve not seen any warmth at all. I can’t imagine being that way with my own DC for five minutes let alone five hours! Does that sound normal to you? It looks really worrying from where i’m sitting

Thanks for all the replies. Seems really mixed now. Kind of the way I feel about it!

But what's the safeguarding issue here?

She's distracted by her phone? She snapped because the child interrupted whatever she was doing?

This is not great parenting but it's not a safeguarding issue.

I reckon it will turn out she's a child minder.

@lifeturnsonadime if she is constantly critical to her child and yells at her, that can be a safeguarding concern

@lifeturnsonadime i suppose if you mean her immediate physical safety, no. But it’s not good for kids to have no interaction or warmth and be told off and yelled at for no reason. It may be much better all the time
she’s not at this class. I suspect that if she’s behaving like that in public then things can also be a lot worse at home.

I agree, but this is seen every day in lots of settings sadly. We don't have adequate social services for children to be supported for their parents being on the phone and being cheesed off at being distracted.

I genuinely don't think seeing someone act cold towards a child and being distracted by a phone is anywhere near intervention levels.

Get to know the parent. If you are still concerned and have more information to go on, maybe then report.

I’d watch a little more though- as someone said above sitting on your phone and not being happy- have we not all have those days? She sounds like a gp that’s been forced out. What she said to the child isn’t great, once off then you might have seen her on a bad day but anything again, yes I’d probably speak to her to suss her out or tell the group leader.

A) primary school teacher observed parent at home.visit being cold to child. She did inform ss and parenting classes were the result.
B) You'd need to find out her name to report her I'd think? I've seen two incidences of parents being awful to their toddler. One pinching them in a shop and then being fake nice to them when anyone came into the aisle. I was round the corner but could see her through the display. One, a grandparent walking a not more than one in a pushchair. The baby squeaked, the gp bent down and ferociously told them to shut up you stupid brat. In neither case did I know name or address, how could I report to anyone. At least you can get a name.

Sorry wrong thread edited comment

Do you know for sure she's not a nanny/child minder?