Page 3 | My rude and ungrateful 19 year old child:

marhsmind · 2023-10-17T12:13:41+00:00

I am a single parent and work full time in a high stress job. My daily commute is 100 miles and I have other children with sn. My 19 yr old child is in uni. Spoilt, rude , ungrateful and generally unpleasant to all round her . Except to her friends of course. I am in Ireland so I pay her fees, apartment and travel. She has a weekend job so has e150 per week to play around with . She has promised to lend a ball gown to a friend but said ball gown is in dry cleaners, unpaid for and they are 90 miles away. She expects ME to pay for the cleaning , collect it and give it to my friend (to hand over the dress, as he lives nearby)!I've said I'll ask my friend to bring something to my daughter in the event of an emergency. Again, she is taking the piss I think. Why is her friend not arranging transport of the dress??? For the usuals who like to comment ...' you really don't like your daughter/ son/ child ? ' etc , no I don't . Not right now . I love her of course and while she said she hated coming home , in temper, I suggested she stay in her university city and get a job there as she wants to give up her excellent weekend job for more sociable hours. She prefers to come home, sleep, socialise, work and make zero effort with anyone . AIBU here or once again, am I the worst ever? Ps... She didn't so much as give me a Mother's Day card last year . Says it all really.

Devianinc · 28/02/2025 01:32

stayathomegardener · 28/02/2025 00:55

Zombie thread.

Now I feel stupid, lol

Herewegoagainz · 28/02/2025 01:32

I would collect the dress, but tell DD the borrower can pick it up, and you won’t hand it over until you have been paid the money.

Motnight · 28/02/2025 11:58

Herewegoagainz · 28/02/2025 01:32

I would collect the dress, but tell DD the borrower can pick it up, and you won’t hand it over until you have been paid the money.

That advice would have been useful back in 2023 😬

ShulaPow · 29/03/2025 21:05

Can someone confirm if what im doing through with my 19 year old daughter is ‘normal’?
working backwards, she told my husband, her step dad today that she sees no reason to acknowledge Mother’s Day tomorrow, it was my choice to become a mum. Also, ‘dad never worries about her not acknowledging Father’s Day so maybe I should take a leaf out of his book’.
Our relationship has been volatile since she was about 16. She had a toxic same sex relationship at the age of 17 which resulted in her dropping out of college then taking an overdose when the relationship ended. We stood by her and she moved forward, went back to college, got a part time job and a boyfriend. A year or so on, she has more time for her boyfriend’s mum/family than her own. I’m by no means perfect but I’ve always done my best by her.
Another thing which I absolutely don’t get is her lack of hygiene, she goes days without showering and will literally get up and go to college, not even brush her teeth.
I’ve tried to take a step back and just be here for her but that has just seen the gap widen. There is no effort on her part to have any sort of relationship with me.
Whilst she still lives at home she spends most of her time at her boyfriends, which is fair enough, she’s 19.
Really getting to the point I’m just done, I get nothing back. The Mothers day debacle has actually confirmed that I actually get no acknowledgment on any day that im her mum. I just feel so sad, we had a lovely relationship when she was younger.
I know no-one can solve anything but it would be good to know if this is ‘normal’ for this generation.

EggFriedRiceAndChips · 30/03/2025 00:24

ShulaPow · 29/03/2025 21:05

Can someone confirm if what im doing through with my 19 year old daughter is ‘normal’?
working backwards, she told my husband, her step dad today that she sees no reason to acknowledge Mother’s Day tomorrow, it was my choice to become a mum. Also, ‘dad never worries about her not acknowledging Father’s Day so maybe I should take a leaf out of his book’.
Our relationship has been volatile since she was about 16. She had a toxic same sex relationship at the age of 17 which resulted in her dropping out of college then taking an overdose when the relationship ended. We stood by her and she moved forward, went back to college, got a part time job and a boyfriend. A year or so on, she has more time for her boyfriend’s mum/family than her own. I’m by no means perfect but I’ve always done my best by her.
Another thing which I absolutely don’t get is her lack of hygiene, she goes days without showering and will literally get up and go to college, not even brush her teeth.
I’ve tried to take a step back and just be here for her but that has just seen the gap widen. There is no effort on her part to have any sort of relationship with me.
Whilst she still lives at home she spends most of her time at her boyfriends, which is fair enough, she’s 19.
Really getting to the point I’m just done, I get nothing back. The Mothers day debacle has actually confirmed that I actually get no acknowledgment on any day that im her mum. I just feel so sad, we had a lovely relationship when she was younger.
I know no-one can solve anything but it would be good to know if this is ‘normal’ for this generation.

It’s always your responsibility to be the grown up. Always. Your daughter is being maybe a bit annoying but it’s normal for her age. Don’t worry about the hygiene that’s for her to deal. Mother’s Day is just card industry bs. Be the grown up and don’t react to anything

EggFriedRiceAndChips · 30/03/2025 00:26

But yeah also sorry you’re feeling like shit being a woman can suck , especially in middle age . Solidarity x

LastRoIo · 30/03/2025 00:36

Don't get into argument. Just say sorry can't do.

I had similar with a flatmate who I used to drive around all the time. It boils my blood looking back on it! I used to drive her to her parents every weekend. She'd give me a fiver which barely covered the fuel in my GTI and I didn't complain as I earned a lot more than her.

However, it started becoming a real pain as it was "oh, they're not going to be back for a couple of hours", so I was sitting around wasting my weekend waiting to take her. I eventually get sick of it and got another mate to come over with a bottle of wine so there'd be no question of me driving. My cheeky mare of a flatmate sat there on the phone to another mate saying "well, LastRolo was going to take me but looks like she's getting pissed now". Whilst giving me a snotty look. The cheeky bitch hadn't even asked me for a lift that day, had just assumed I'd take her.

It was at that point I decided I'd never give her another lift and I didn't. A lot of people seem to take charity for granted and will act shittily towards you when you stop helping them, even though most of their other friends never did half as much for them.