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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Felt guilted into taking it - advice pls

44 replies

undwrpress · 17/10/2023 06:47

I’m typing this quickly so sorry I might have to drip feed later but I’ll try my best - I left my job 3 years ago (head of department in a secondary school). I’ve been doing supply ever since. Been going amazingly as no pressure.

job (teacher) I took currently was supposed to end this Friday. But head of dept asked me to stay, i explained I’ll think, he’s not bad he’s a good guy but there’s a woman in dept who kept telling me the sob stories of how under pressure he is and it would really help if I stayed till Xmas and please think about it. Last week I told them yes I’ll stay but this morning I’m thinking and just realised I felt pressured l! My agency even said they weee lenient with me so I should stay as they let me have 2 days off for physio (obviously not paid). I feel so unable to say no as I’m a bloody doormat and no self confidence. Ignore typos as not reading through otherwise will be late for said job. Please give me advice whst I should do.

OP posts:
Burnamer · 17/10/2023 06:50

You don’t want it so explain you’ve changed your mind and won’t be staying

I don’t think it’s a big drama

Original poster
undwrpress · 17/10/2023 06:50

Sorry context - I have very young 2 children so I feel I’m rushing about every morning as takes me an hour to get there as opposed to other jobs that are literally on my doorstep.

OP posts:
pickledandpuzzled · 17/10/2023 06:52

You still aren’t committed. You can change your mind.
Just point out today that you agreed to stay but if your circumstances change you will still leave.
I think you are feeling a bit trapped and anxious, but realistically you are still in the same situation as you were before- free to stop at any time.

if you want to feel a bit better, tell them you will review on a week by week basis- but be aware they may find someone who will commit to the full time.

SunshineAndFizz · 17/10/2023 06:52

If you don't want the job - sounds like you don't - simply say no.

You don't owe them anything, think of yourself. They'll find someone else and they'll never think of you again.

gelatogina · 17/10/2023 06:52

Just tell them you’ve changed your mind?

Bearcub101 · 17/10/2023 06:55

Just say unfortunately your circumstances have changed with regards to child care.

Original poster
undwrpress · 17/10/2023 06:56

They’ve apparently been looking for 18 months and can’t find anyone. There have been 2 adverts go out this year still no candidates. That’s why I was employed till 20th as they had people lined up but it all fell through.

OP posts:
Original poster
undwrpress · 17/10/2023 06:57

That’s what makes me guilty as random teachers from other departments come up to me not knowing I’m supply saying they finally found someone! I know theyve had issues finding.

OP posts:
KilgoreTrouts · 17/10/2023 06:57

It’s mad that you’re even considering making your own life harder with a lengthy commute to a job you don’t want. Just say no, commute too far.

Original poster
undwrpress · 17/10/2023 07:03

I’m planning to see HR later - what should I say?

OP posts:
YoghurtCoatedMeerkats · 17/10/2023 07:03

Contact your agency and tell them next week will be your last week in the job and you're available for other work from that time. It's up to them to inform your placement/supply a replacement. That's the whole point of agency work - you forego all the advantages of permanent employment for flexibility and no commitment.

margotrose · 17/10/2023 07:06

Just say you've changed your mind.

Cherrysoup · 17/10/2023 07:06

You’re on supply, you don’t need to stay. Saying that (been there, done that) would you stay, now that you know the kids and grin and bear it thinking of the money?

On the other hand, I’m interviewing on Friday (sideways step from what I can gather) and the commute would be an hour whilst I currently live 10 minutes from work so I totally empathise re the journey, it’s painful!

Inkpotlover · 17/10/2023 07:09

My OH was in your shoes. Long-time supply, liked the school but it wasn't ideal location and they kept begging him to stay on because they needed staff (he also had a colleague who kept going on and on about stress!). He almost also said yes, because he was worried about letting them down but I said it was crazy to do that just because you don't want to upset anyone! The dep head then didn't talk to him for the rest of the week or say goodbye, which confirmed he was right to leave. So don't feel guilty, just say you've had an offer closer to home that's better for your family and leave this Friday.

Original poster
undwrpress · 17/10/2023 07:09

I could reduce the days but then they will make me feel they doing me a favour.

OP posts:
NunsKnickers · 17/10/2023 07:10

I'm a supply teacher.

I would say that you need to change your agency. They are not being lenient with you allowing you time off. You are an agency worker and can work as much or as little as you want. You can say yes or no to any position, whether it's for a day or for a term.

And just let them know that you're finishing this position on Friday. You don't actually need to give a reason but you can say that the commute is too far and leave it at that.

LoveSeptember · 17/10/2023 07:10

Your young children are missing out on 2 hours of your time due to the travel. I'd put their needs and your well being before a school that once you are gone, won't think of you again.

ladymalfoy45 · 17/10/2023 07:10

I understand. Don't tie yourself to one agency either. I agreed to a year at the school I'm at. I'm taking it half a term at a time because I know I can get a week of day to day supply if I decide to leave.

whatdidshedotogetahillnamedafterher · 17/10/2023 07:12

On reflection I have to decline your offer to stay in this placement as it doesnt work for me. I wish you and the school well going forward. I have enjoyed my time here with you but now it is right and appropriate for me to leave due to my personal circumstances. Something like that OP, They managed before you went there they will manage after you leave! You owe then nothing ,you did the job and did it well by the sounds of it so go with your head held high.

Inkpotlover · 17/10/2023 07:14

undwrpress · 17/10/2023 07:03

I’m planning to see HR later - what should I say?

Cancel this meeting. Ring your agency first thing and tell them you are not staying and to inform the school. It's the agency's job to tell them, not you.

NunsKnickers · 17/10/2023 07:15

Inkpotlover · 17/10/2023 07:14

Cancel this meeting. Ring your agency first thing and tell them you are not staying and to inform the school. It's the agency's job to tell them, not you.

Show quote history

Absolutely! Make the agency earn the fees they're making from every day you work.

lesserspotted · 17/10/2023 07:15

do you enjoy the school? Christmas is only a few weeks, if I enjoyed the school I'd stay until Christmas.

savoycabbage · 17/10/2023 07:17

You don't want to do it so don't do it.

I've been doing supply for years it's got its disadvantages but the advantage is that you don't have to work where and when you don't want to.

If I wanted to take a day off in a long term position my agency would say 'no problem I'll get someone else for that day' and that would be the end of it.

WandaWonder · 17/10/2023 07:18

Just say no, you can come up with a million reasons why you cant say no but it is totally under your control no one else can say no for you, practice and learn that you were not guilted that would mean it is not your fault you cant say no

Coffeetree · 17/10/2023 07:22

Have they actually offered you a contract until the new year?

If not, you're a supply teacher! They could get rid of you in an instant.

I had similar when I worked as an office temp 30 years ago. I got hired as a temp (low pay, no security) receptionist. They asked if I could stay long term and I said yeah, I haven't got anything else going. Then the next week I got a better offer so I left. They were all shirty and I laughed at them.

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