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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Felt guilted into taking it - advice pls

44 replies

undwrpress · 17/10/2023 06:47

I’m typing this quickly so sorry I might have to drip feed later but I’ll try my best - I left my job 3 years ago (head of department in a secondary school). I’ve been doing supply ever since. Been going amazingly as no pressure.

job (teacher) I took currently was supposed to end this Friday. But head of dept asked me to stay, i explained I’ll think, he’s not bad he’s a good guy but there’s a woman in dept who kept telling me the sob stories of how under pressure he is and it would really help if I stayed till Xmas and please think about it. Last week I told them yes I’ll stay but this morning I’m thinking and just realised I felt pressured l! My agency even said they weee lenient with me so I should stay as they let me have 2 days off for physio (obviously not paid). I feel so unable to say no as I’m a bloody doormat and no self confidence. Ignore typos as not reading through otherwise will be late for said job. Please give me advice whst I should do.

OP posts:
Beautiful3 · 17/10/2023 07:32

You're getting over involved with the school here. Contact the agency and inform them that Friday will be your last day, because the commute is getting too much. They will tell the school. If staff approach you about it just say, I'm only agency and was booked until this Friday. I like it here but it's too far away for me to commit longer.

ilovesooty · 17/10/2023 07:37

What everyone else said. You owe them nothing. Tell the agency that you can't accept the offer and you'll be leaving.

digley · 17/10/2023 07:41

You say "due to childcare it won't be possible for me to stay. From now on I require work within a XX minute commute from my home"

If pressed (which they will) just repeat "No. That doesn't work for me unfortunately."

OurChristmasMiracle · 17/10/2023 08:01

On reflection I am unable to extend my placement here past 20th October

I personally wouldn’t expand further unless asked and if I did it would be “due to family commitments”

Coffeetree · 17/10/2023 08:02

Exactly. Get the agency to tell them Friday's your last day. If anyone gives you a hard time, change of plans, tell them you could leave earlier if they prefer.

Vinrouge4 · 17/10/2023 08:08

You are not obliged to give a reason. Us English do feel obliged to make excuses and give reasons. I’m guilty of it myself. I am trying to get myself in the habit of just saying ‘that doesn’t work for me’ without a string of reasons why. You could just say ‘after discussing with my partner and child care it just will not work for me’. Stick to your guns.

HattieIou · 17/10/2023 08:11

undwrpress · 17/10/2023 07:09

I could reduce the days but then they will make me feel they doing me a favour.

Just reduce your days, so what if they think they are doing you a favour. You have to look after you, not worry about what they think.

KilgoreTrouts · 17/10/2023 08:15

OP, in the nicest possible way, toughen up. You left your permanent job and took up substitute teaching for less pressure, yet here you are actually inventing ‘pressure’. This is not your problem. Tell your agency to inform the school you’re not staying, and develop much better professional boundaries.

Lovelyweatheragain · 17/10/2023 08:16

whatdidshedotogetahillnamedafterher · 17/10/2023 07:12

On reflection I have to decline your offer to stay in this placement as it doesnt work for me. I wish you and the school well going forward. I have enjoyed my time here with you but now it is right and appropriate for me to leave due to my personal circumstances. Something like that OP, They managed before you went there they will manage after you leave! You owe then nothing ,you did the job and did it well by the sounds of it so go with your head held high.

This. You can say that the commute is just too long to commit to long term if you want. You can even offer to do an extra week f that would make you feel better?

Lovelyweatheragain · 17/10/2023 08:16

ie do an extra week after this one but not longer

RosesAndHellebores · 17/10/2023 08:24

It's a lovely school and I like working here. However, I also have two very young children and the long commute from home, is detrimental to my work/life balance and to the children. I'd love to stay but this just isn't working for the family. I'm happy to work the week after half term if necessary to give you a chance to find someone else, show them the ropes but I cannot work beyond that. I've enjoyed my time here and only wish you were 40 minutes closer to my home.

Simples

crimsonlake · 17/10/2023 08:56

It is normal to feel guilty in your shoes, however remind yourself of the fact that the school would drop you like a hat with no notice if you were no longer required. That is the nature of supply.

savoycabbage · 17/10/2023 09:25

crimsonlake · 17/10/2023 08:56

It is normal to feel guilty in your shoes, however remind yourself of the fact that the school would drop you like a hat with no notice if you were no longer required. That is the nature of supply.

Exactly.

I was once at a school for a term and OFSTED came in and the day after the inspection I was told they didn't need me anymore as they had got through OFSTED. And it was after school so I didn't get to see the children.

They asked me to go back for some days the next week but I said no.

KilgoreTrouts · 17/10/2023 09:28

crimsonlake · 17/10/2023 08:56

It is normal to feel guilty in your shoes, however remind yourself of the fact that the school would drop you like a hat with no notice if you were no longer required. That is the nature of supply.

It’s not normal at all for someone who consciously chose substitute teaching over a permanent job to feel guilty about declining a school offering a longer contract!

DNLove · 17/10/2023 09:29

Pretty simple really, reverse the scenario, if they found a permanent person for the role but you really needed to keep the role for another few months until you found a new role would they keep you on. No they'd turf you out, good bye and good luck and take the action that was best for the school.
You need to do the same for your family.

PopSocksRock · 17/10/2023 09:51

Block out the emotional blackmail from them and do what's best for you
Tell them you wish you lived nearer and it the best supply job you've had blah blah blah
Keep on good terms when you leave

toomanyleggings · 17/10/2023 09:57

This happened to me. I got flattered into staying on long term supply. Ended up doing all the bloody parents evenings, report writing, trips and wasn’t paid properly because supply agency take such s big chunk. If they want you you need a proper contract otherwise you’re not going to get paid properly. What are they paying you now?

WandaWonder · 17/10/2023 11:43

PopSocksRock · 17/10/2023 09:51

Block out the emotional blackmail from them and do what's best for you
Tell them you wish you lived nearer and it the best supply job you've had blah blah blah
Keep on good terms when you leave

Someone can't say no = emotional blackmail?

PopSocksRock · 17/10/2023 14:47

WandaWonder · 17/10/2023 11:43

Someone can't say no = emotional blackmail?

Show quote history

Someone using emotive language to get what they want, to make it harder to say no = emotional blackmail
Clear enough for you @WandaWonder ???

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