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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is this normal once you become a mum? (Gifts)

75 replies

Whereismyjug · 16/10/2023 19:37

Since the birth of my DS when I'm bought a gift it's actually a gift for DS. I have a feeling IBU. FTM here so no idea 🙈

For my birthday I opened my gifts from family and it was baby clothes. My DH (birthday less than a week from mine) got cool t-shirts and various things DH will love.

Christmas I received only baby clothes and my DH received thoughtful gifts DH would love.

Was bought a few souvenirs recently from a family members holiday. DH had some really awesome bits. I opened my gifts and it was BABY TOYS.

I was excited after seeing what DH received and felt instant disappointment for it to happen again. Plus it's been from all kinds of people not just the same person.

Is this just how gifts will be now as a mother? I'm absolutely not ungrateful, as all very useful items for DS, but is this normal? I have been buying normal gifts for other mums, am I only supposed to buy baby stuff? It doesn't make sense to me. Help!

(Ps, if it is, I will just start dropping hints on what DS needs from now on 🤣)

OP posts:

NewName122 · 16/10/2023 19:52

No that is not normal at all. Is everyone that buys you gifts sexist?! That is so rude.

pigsDOfly · 16/10/2023 19:52

You're still a person in your own right, not just a mum. That would really annoy me too.

However, perhaps for some people this is normal.

After one of my daughters became a mother, when it came to her birthday, I'd ask her what she'd like and every time she'd say she'd like something for the baby.

It wasn't as if I didn't buy things for the baby normally. I actually bought all the big things for all her children.

It actually used to irritate me because I wanted to treat her to something just for her but she just insisted that she would prefer something for the baby and didn't want anything for herself.

Her husband bought her a hoover for Christmas one year and she seemed happy enough with it so maybe she no longer saw herself as anything but a mother and domestic drudge.

Original poster

Whereismyjug · 16/10/2023 19:53

I think it's a good idea to say "this won't fit me" etc.

I could try and play it in a funny but serious way.

No problems with money that people could misinterpret. Just bad luck I think 🤔

OP posts:

Caerulea · 16/10/2023 19:54

That's really bizarre imo. I've 3 kids & never had a gift presented as for me but for it to be for the kids. Like, never. Not even heard of it.

I'd honestly be a bit insulted when your DH is getting stuff for himself but, apparently, you don't exist as a human anymore, just a woman shaped gift-opening automaton.

NewName122 · 16/10/2023 19:54

Basically these people forgot about you and brought for your husband and child then thought oh no, we best put her name on babies gift. It makes zero sense for baby clothes or toys to be your gift. Who would do that?! You know crazy people. Poor you.

Quitelikeacatslife · 16/10/2023 19:55

If it's your 30th soon you must tell them now. Maybe say (to the gobbiest one or on a WhatsApp group )
"I'm so looking forward to my big birthday, last year was weird because I got baby presents, I guess it's because baby was new, but this year I'm looking forward to getting things just for me"
Or give ideas list
Honestly some people need very direct language

happylittlesloth · 16/10/2023 19:55

Is it all his family? Maybe they don't like you? If not its really weird

WeightoftheWorld · 16/10/2023 19:55

What on earth? That's really bizarre.

ClarkGablesMoustache · 16/10/2023 19:57

Whereismyjug · 16/10/2023 19:47

The first few times I was like, okay, I guess it's not the end of the world. But it keeps happening.

I'm just bracing myself for my 30th next month and Christmas.

If it's not normal, which I absolutely feel right in thinking, I'll try to say something. It's always a bit awkward being critical of a gift though..

Happened to me too, and it's rubbish.

user1846385927482658 · 16/10/2023 19:57

You definitely need to speak up.

Sumtimesiamgreen · 16/10/2023 20:01

Sounds like hive mind. Relatives have followed on what others have done. Only thing I can think is that when my granny was alive and was given housekeeping she budgeted from that money for dc. If bairn needs nowt cos you have gifts, you kept the money to treat thy self.

NotReadyForAutumnYet · 16/10/2023 20:01

Never heard of that either. Some people stop buying for adults and get kids a present instead, but that would be at Christmas (addressed to kids) or on the kids' actual birthdays - not the parent's.

NotReadyForAutumnYet · 16/10/2023 20:02

Guess you could always give them a present for their partner or sibling on their birthday! (Joking - mostly).

RLmadmum · 16/10/2023 20:04

No, that's not normal. People forget that when you have a baby, you're still you but with the additional job title of mummy 🙈

When I left work for maternity (I work with some truly amazing people) I was inundated with gifts for the baby and was truly grateful for everything. I left the day before my 30th birthday and my old manager came in with a bottle of gin for me and said "you're probably swamped with baby gifts but this is especially for you to have when you're able to and have a fab birthday tomorrow". Just absolutely melted my heart, especially as she'd brought me a gift for the baby earlier that week. ❤️

WonderingWanda · 16/10/2023 20:04

Whilst at Christmas I certainly noticed much less being spent (quite rightly) on me when relatives were also buying for the dc, it is in no way normal for people to ignore your birthday and buy gifts for the baby.

If it was family members who bought normal gifts for your dh I would get dh to bring it up with them.

whereisthecheese · 16/10/2023 20:04

Quitelikeacatslife · 16/10/2023 19:55

Yes do this. Please nip this in the bud if you can and tell DH to do the same.
Honestly it's nice you can find humour in this. I would be really upset, I think it's awful!

Redmat · 16/10/2023 20:06

Never happened to me ,but I had a friend who had babygros for her birthday after she had her first child. She was really cross! They never did it again.

Noodge · 16/10/2023 20:07

I agree with everyone else! But I Read FTM as 'Female to Male' ...

TolkiensFallow · 16/10/2023 20:07

its not normal - although I found this the Xmas I was expecting dd1, everyone bought something for the baby but once she was born everything was for me again!

TheGoogleMum · 16/10/2023 20:09

This sounds odd, it's normal to get a lot of baby gifts shortly after baby is born but not if it's your birthday!

Torganer · 16/10/2023 20:10

No not normal at all. It’s an awkward position too, as I would hate to seem ungrateful for a present. Next time I would partially open it, see it’s a baby gift, then say, ‘oh, I think the label is wrong, this is for baby’s name’ (pass it to whoever is holding the baby and make them open it, just make sure you’re not when presents are being opened)!

googledidnthelp · 16/10/2023 20:15

I've never been bought a gift for me which
Was for me ds

DrinkingMyWaterMindingMyBiz · 16/10/2023 20:15

Quitelikeacatslife · 16/10/2023 19:55

This is a good idea!

ReadingSoManyThreads · 16/10/2023 20:17

That's not normal.

However, when I became a mum, a relative said that I'd no longer be receiving a birthday or Christmas gift and that she'd be buying for the baby instead.

I was a bit annoyed as she's not exactly hard up (more than comfortable) and only used to spend £20 on me anyway, so not like she couldn't afford to still buy for me too.

FuzzyPuffling · 16/10/2023 20:18

My leaving present from one (very senior role) was entirely for my cats. Nice for them, but a bit baffling!

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