What does fairness look like to you in this scenario?

[JonahAndTheMinnow]

Parent 1 and parent 2 have been married for a long time and have four adult children. They’ve recently sold an asset and want to share £300k amongst their children.

All children are aged between 35 and 48.

Child A - Eldest child. Married with grown-up children who live independently. Mortgage cleared recently. Household income isn’t very high and they don’t have much of a pension pot so will likely rely on state pension and likely work to full retirement age.

Child B - Was a very young single parent. Their child is now grown up and B has a partner. They live together in B’s house (bought by B’s parents) and B has no mortgage. B is a very low earner with no personal pension and will rely on state pension and work until full retirement age. Their job is tough and very physically demanding and working to 65+ will be a challenge.

Child C - Has two children (teens) in full time education, one with severe physical disabilities who will never live independently. C can’t work due to caring needs. Her husband works and he has a pension which should see them both live a modest but comfortable retirement. Child is in receipt of disability benefits. C and her husband have about 4 years left on their mortgage. Monthly payment is low on a house worth over £500k, thanks to generous gifts from parents, but they’ll never be able to downsize as it’s custom built to meet needs of disabled child. They have a lot of additional costs linked to their child- physio, need for a vehicle that can meet their needs rather than a cheap run-around etc.

Child D - Youngest child. Vey high earner married to a very high earner. No children. High mortgage costs on a large home but will clear in next five years. Own several investment properties and an holiday home outright. D and spouse will retire early with significant pensions. Current unmortgaged assets valued in the millions and had an inheritance from spouse’s parents of £600k in 2020.

Parent 1 wants to split the money between children A, B, and C so they’ll each have £100k. 1 thinks they need the money more than D and it’s a life changing opportunity for them whereas it’s not for D. 1 thinks that treating people fairly doesn’t always mean treating people equally and circumstances have to be taken into account.

Parent 2 wants to split the money equally between all 4 giving them £75k each. 2 believes that all children in the family should be treated equally, regardless of their current position.

What do you think?

No mention of tax burdens here which is a real issue, especially for very low or high earners. A lump sum could stop universal credit payments or incur 40 or 50 percent tax burden on the high earners. Personally I think its better to drip feed money as and when it's needed. Also, how do parents feel about how the money will be spent? Plus. You can't just give money away should the parents need care in the future the local authority will consider they have deliberately deprived them of assets to avoid care fees. Forget the 7 year rule as it's a myth! Frankly give it away piecemeal and spend the rest ensuring they remain independent as long as possible. That will be the true gift to the kids.

Split equally. Correct thing to do anyway, but also even if you think their circumstances are relevant, circumstances change.

Unless you want your legacy to be one of siblings not speaking, almighty rows and possible legal action then do the right thing and split it equally. Parent 2 is right.

It should be split equally. Why should one of the children be penalised for doing well?

Parent 2 / equal shares. No one knows what's around the corner.

Equally split

Absolutely parent 2, money to be shared equally 4 ways.

How horrible to punish child D because they're doing "too well".

You cannot predict the future, no one wishes anything bad, but child D could face difficulties in life, and at the same time, child C could win the lottery.

Parent 2 wants to split the money equally between all 4 giving them £75k each. 2 believes that all children in the family should be treated equally, regardless of their current position.

Irrelevant of any of their current situations Parent 2 is correct.

Only MO... there's nothing like letting one of your DC know that they're not as much a part of the family as their siblings.

Equal split but i’d ask child D potentially whether they might consider where their share goes. Are the siblings close? Has or would child D help out their siblings anyway since they have so much in the way of assets?

If it was a much larger sum I could maybe see more of a dilemma, but why on Earth would you risk upsetting D just to give the others an extra £25K?

The money should be split evenly between them. Why should one miss out because they has been luckier or made better life choices?

I can't believe any parent would be so cruel

25% each.

Equal split unless you dont mind Child D feeling that you love and care about the other children more than them.

B and C have already benefited from financial gifts from their parents, in one case a house, and the other a significant contribution to their £500k house.

A and D should receive £140k each, B & C should receive a token £10k each. It isn’t A & D’s fault their siblings have struggled financially and therefore shouldn’t suffer as a consequence.

Who is to say A&D won’t be in financial hardship at some point in the future.

Fair is fair. 🙂

Discuss with D. D might agree with parent 1 and doesn’t want the money. If they’re upset about it, and feel a four way split is fairer, then I would go along with parent 2. It’s not always about the money, but the feeling one child might have at being left out.

Parent 2 is right.

you don't know what the future holds for any of these children, they could all divorce, become ill or disabled, inherit from other sources, go bankrupt with poor investments or poor mental health. Their futures are unknown and so split it evenly between all 4 kids.

the important thing to remember is that children regularly equate parental wills with parental love. So a lesser amount of money left in a will means there is more love/favouritism for others. It seems a sad very last message, showing a child you think less of them.

Forget the 7 year rule as it's a myth!

it relates to inheritance tax, not care home fees.

I think the parents have already been unfair by giving gifts of over £100k to B & C and nothing to A & D so they should equalise that first.
Even if B & C needed it more at the time it should have been made clear that money would be deducted out of any future inheritance.

Particularly B - unlike C they had options but presumably chose to keep their child and got subsidised by mum and dad, whereas it sounds like A who was more responsible with when they had kids had to do it all by themselves.
Plus if B had their child very young they have another 40 years plus to earn money to get themselves into a better position, whereas C will always be limited by caring for their child.

I think it should be split evenly between all four children.

Absolutely this, is parent 1 having issues with child d's lifestyle?
Can't think why they'd buy a house for B and C, (so they are mortgage free)and then think they were being fair not giving anything to D saying its because they have a house (which still has a mortgage)!

Uneven distribution reads as uneven love. You will cause problems among your DC that will always exist. Don't do it. Same with inheritance. Even if one DC "needs" it less, you will rue the day that you made the choice to advantage one over the other.

Either put it in trust for disabled grandchild or use it to level up Child A and D, who haven't had any help from their parents so far.

Save 50k for the therapy bills though, god the dynamics here must be fecked. There's a reason Child D is the highest achiever...

Speak to them individually to get their opinion but start from £75k each. I'd speak to D and A first as they've not had anything yet, then B and C. I'd be really worried about treating children differently based on circumstances that might change.

Parent 2