Extra appointments and visits aren’t helpful support

[Cappuccinoa]

They just add more stress and make it worse 😩

PND (diagnosed late and had a while as baby is now a toddler) , ASD, ADHD and ME.

Finally went to the dr asking for support and it’s ended up that they want me to to have appts, for the health visitor to come round, to have a homestart volunteer . Having people in my safe space dysregulates me and makes me more stressed. Having to go out more makes me more stressed.

I asked can the HV check ins be by phone as I can cope better with that.
I’d rather have some antidepressants and just appts for monitoring of that, I think I need practical support as have been feeling overwhelmed by tasks so with homestart id rather not be dragged out to groups. I’d rather have help and advice about some funded nursery hours etc rather than me having to socialise alongside dd

This ‘support’ is for NT people I think and it’s not right for me ?

They may as well have said to me ‘so you’re exhausted and don’t like going out or socialising or talking to new people or waiting around in waiting rooms - get your diary we will fill it with all of that ‘ 🤦‍♀️

Tbh I'm surprised they're offering that much support in the first place!
Have you any family support?

No none at all

i know they are offering support and I’m not being ungrateful but for me it’s the wrong package of support if that makes sense it’s just all the things that make me more stressed

I’ve waited and waited to ask for help and tried to manage and now I can’t and I was very clear what I think would help but I was fobbed off and then given this whole set of things that have just made me more stressed

What I requested was :
-antidepressants
-counselling referral
-referral to pain clinic or some painkillers as get pain with my ME
-it I have to have check ins with the HV by phone not home visits
-I asked the HV for support with nursery places could she help to see if I can get 2 yr funding and liasing if needs be to help get a place
-homestart I’ve declined as I can’t host someone here and can’t go to groups (I have selective mutism and can’t manage the stress)

So are you happy with health visitor check ins by phone?

Home Start is totally voluntary so you can choose whether you have someone or not and what support you want - you don't have to go to groups.
What could the Home Start volunteer do to help? Help you apply for nursery funding? Watch your toddler while you have a bath or a nap? Just phone for a chat?
You can tell them what you want.

The HV wants to do home visits then clinic visits. I don’t want to do either. It’s very much ‘you need to get out more’ sort of attitude

Were you refused the antidepressants, counselling referal and pain clinic?

Yes the gp said that what I need is more ‘social prescribing ‘ (not even sure what that is??!) and that they would contact HV with my agreement and the HV then called and said she will refer to homestart etc etc

You say you have declined homestart, but I'm not clear if you have contacted homestart to explain the situation and request telephone or email only support, please could you clarify that?

The HV said that wouldn’t be an option that homestart visit at home and get parents out to groups or for walks etc etc

The only think I can think of to suggest is to write it all down, and ask for antidepressants. Then take it with you if you visit the doctor, or email him/her instead.

You can add in that you’ll start groups/appointments when you feel better.

I had PND and I was immediately given antidepressants and they started working after two weeks, but it can take longer. I wasn’t offered anything else, but probably times have moved on

If I was you I would go back and see another GP and request antidepressants again.
You might be able to self refer for counselling - google IAPT or Talking Therapies for your area.

I don’t actually feel that the gp was sympathetic and if I had the energy of make an appt to see a different one. Or maybe I should just write a letter as that is actually easier for me to do

Ah okay I see.

I think it would be worth contacting homestart directly and asking them if telephone or email support is possible, explaining that it is because of your disabilities.

I'm sorry you're having to battle uphill.

You could also ask for a second opinion with another GP, and tell them that you aren't able to access what the first has prescribed.

I don't understand why the pain clinic had been declined - I'd definitely ask for a second opinion on that.

Home Start can get parents out for walks and to groups if that is what the parent wants, but equally they can offer help at home, help getting to appointments, filling in paperwork, emotional support over the phone etc depending on what's needed.

Would practical help at home be useful if you are overwhelmed by practical self care tasks (sorry not sure if this is relevant for you) If so you could ask adult social services for a care needs assessment and it might be possible to get direct payments for someone to support you.

I had a lovely lady from Homestart support me when I had PND. She came to my house, would look after my toddler, baby or both if I needed/wanted. She would take the toddler out. She was totally lovely and invaluable. My toddler wanted to marry her.

This is quite hard to comment on, as sometimes when we feel we don’t want to get out of the house or see people, it’s exactly what we need, and feels good once we’ve done it. Plus there’s also the baby/ toddler’s well-being to factor in.

Or it might be that you’re right and that you are fine with just phone calls.

I think maybe speak to another GP if you can, esp re the prescriptions. Doesn’t sound right to me but I’m not a doctor!

This sounds amazing

My HV told me that the homestart volunteer ‘isn’t a babysitter or a cleaner ! It’s to facilitate you getting out and about with support and having company’ she said that they have to make that clear now to everyone

Perhaps their remit has changed. We did go out occasionally, I felt less useless knowing someone was with me and would take charge if I bottled it.

I think that’s what she was trying to tell me I didn’t know much about homestart but got the feeling from how she worded it that they maybe used to help look after children but now it was more to get parents out and about

Sounds tough. I wonder if the home visits are partly so that the HV can see how your bond is with your baby and check that you’re managing to look after the baby ok. I’m not for one moment suggesting that you’re not, but I think when PND is involved there is a duty of care to make sure both the mum and the baby are ok. I had these kind of visits myself and found them helpful but if they’re causing you to feel worse then you should absolutely ask for phone visits instead. PND is really horrid and I hope you’re feeling better very soon.

You need to see another GP ASAP. A doctor denying you antideppressants when you have PND is horrendous. I had horrific PND and I would be dead now if it wasnt for massive doses of Prozac.

I would ring your GP surgery and ask for an urgent app with a different GP. Tell the GP you need anti deppressants and councilling for the PND and a referal to the pain clinic and some pain management options while you wait. If they refuse state you want it written in your notes that you have asked for medication to treat PND and chronic pain and have been refused with no good reason( ie allergies ect) You will need a copy of your medical records as a system access request, and you require the contact details of the practice manager to take it up with them.

Its awful you need to do this for just some basic support, im so sorry you are going through this.