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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How much effort do you put into making things magical?

41 replies

MrsFletchersFlan · 16/10/2023 11:56

I guess this is apt in the run-up to Christmas as well, but this is about favourite toys and what happens when they get lost.

DD (3) recently got a new toy from my parents, who are currently visiting. We went for a walk in the park, and played pooh sticks. DD managed to throw one (precious to her) part of it into the water along with her stick. She was very sad!

I've managed to order a new one, and I've been thinking about ways for her to "discover" it. Like if we went for a walk near a river, and she could find it on the bank like it's been washed up... Is this insane? Should I just give it to her?

How much effort do you make for the "magic" of childhood? If it makes a difference, DS (6) is kind of sceptical in general and we haven't put much effort into Santa as he's not convinced (though I still do stockings and a plate with a mince pie and a carrot for Rudolf!), and we don't do the tooth fairy or elf on the shelf or anything like that.

YABU - just give it to her. She doesn't need an elaborate set up
YANBU - do the magic! It doesn't last long!

OP posts:
TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 16/10/2023 12:00

I am not going to vote because my answer is do it if you will get a kick out of it. If it’s one of the parts of parenting that brings you joy have as much fun with it as you can but ‘providing magic ‘ shouldn’t become yet another chore for hard pressed parents.

INTERNETEXPL0RER · 16/10/2023 12:00

Id do the magic! My kids still pretend to believe in Father Christmas to humour me 😬

Edamfan · 16/10/2023 12:01

We would do the ‘discovering’ the toy on the river bank, great idea.

MyBedIsMySpiritualHome · 16/10/2023 12:04

We do the magic. The chance to do it doesn’t last long!

MoulinPouge · 16/10/2023 12:12

Our son (then also 3) lost a beloved toy not long before Christmas. We bought a replacement.

Then we told him the toy had gone travelling and we made fake postcards, by printing (very dubious / low quality!) photoshopped pictures of the toy in various destinations which we posted through our own letterbox. He believed it totally. He was quite into "stickman" at the time which is about a lost stick finding his was home to the family tree.

After a long wait the toy "returned" on Christmas morning finally, with a chocolate treat he got from Santa after visiting the North Pole and riding with Santa in his sleigh. It was really magical!

I agree with what someone else has said though, make it fun not a burden. They also move on from their toys and forget little upsets quite quickly. Parenting is hard work and you don't have to do it all or make everything magical. There's a lot of stuff we haven't bothered with!

tabulaisrasa · 16/10/2023 12:19

I still make the effort to make my own life magical - I mean, why not have as much fun as you want?!

Comtesse · 16/10/2023 12:25

This would never cross my mind. Maybe it means I’m boring and prosaic? But I have never tried to be “magical” in my life. Playful and jolly yes, but not supernatural!

UseOfWeapons · 16/10/2023 12:31

MoulinPouge · 16/10/2023 12:12

Our son (then also 3) lost a beloved toy not long before Christmas. We bought a replacement.

Then we told him the toy had gone travelling and we made fake postcards, by printing (very dubious / low quality!) photoshopped pictures of the toy in various destinations which we posted through our own letterbox. He believed it totally. He was quite into "stickman" at the time which is about a lost stick finding his was home to the family tree.

After a long wait the toy "returned" on Christmas morning finally, with a chocolate treat he got from Santa after visiting the North Pole and riding with Santa in his sleigh. It was really magical!

I agree with what someone else has said though, make it fun not a burden. They also move on from their toys and forget little upsets quite quickly. Parenting is hard work and you don't have to do it all or make everything magical. There's a lot of stuff we haven't bothered with!

Edited

That sounds utterly lovely for a young one! And for you, too!

LadyBitsnBobs · 16/10/2023 12:37

Yanbu - Do the magic!

I would absolutely love it if you went for your walk and ACTUALLY found the part of the toy you lost.

My mum lost her wedding ring shortly after my father died, she was distraught. We looked everywhere, we took whole parts of the house apart. Cue lots of tears when it appeared to be gone forever… until we found the ring about 8 months later, the week before her wedding anniversary, in a canvas shopper my mum hadn’t used in years, tucked at the back of the larder. It made absolutely no sense. The magical feeling was pretty special, my mum felt like she had had some kind of cosmic/spiritual encounter.

Original poster
MrsFletchersFlan · 16/10/2023 13:19

@MoulinPouge Aww, that sounds amazing! He must have loved it 😍

OP posts:
GreenAventurine · 16/10/2023 13:29

Always choose magic 🪄

uncomfortablydumb53 · 16/10/2023 13:30

I would absolutely do this if you could be sure no one else would see it first
Imagine the joy and wonder on his little face
That stage is so short and he will always remember it

uncomfortablydumb53 · 16/10/2023 13:30

Sorry DD

RabbitsRock · 16/10/2023 13:33

Absolutely do the magic! I’m 57 & try to look for magic wherever I can.

DelurkingAJ · 16/10/2023 13:37

Some of this is parental character driven. I cringe at children being wound up to fever pitch over Santa, for example, whereas others love that. Doesn’t mean we didn’t creep around with stockings when DSs were small. But for me ‘magic’ is just a bit exhausting (and autistic DS1 would hate it, which probably colours my view too).

So, if it makes you happy go for it but I don’t think your child will lose out if you don’t!

Original poster
MrsFletchersFlan · 16/10/2023 13:40

@LadyBitsnBobs What a great story! Your mum must have been so happy to have it back.

I would really love to find it for real too! It floats, so I've been googling where the river goes 😄

OP posts:
RealTopekaPeople · 16/10/2023 13:42

YANBU. I think that the idea of 'discovering' the replacement is very special and magical.

MedievalNun · 16/10/2023 13:43

Do the magic. When DD was small, the tooth fairy left glittery footprints, santa left footprints that were a combinaton of soot and snow, and answered letters. A group of ipus where I worked then all had children around the same age so we had a 'factory' one lunch in the run up to christmas, amswering each other's santa letters, decorating them and burning the edges for that authentic 'came down the chimney' vibe. DD still remembers it.

If you'll enjoy it, I'd go for it. They're only little once.

OneTC · 16/10/2023 13:43

Someone once brought a "Found Toy" poster they'd made into our shop and gave us a little toy to hold onto and then a little kid came in and saw the poster and we returned the toy to them. It turned out it had been dropped down a drain and no one prepped us for the awkward question of how we got it out Grin

Missingmyusername · 16/10/2023 13:45

tabulaisrasa · 16/10/2023 12:19

I still make the effort to make my own life magical - I mean, why not have as much fun as you want?!

^ Exactly. You only get one chance. 👏🏻👏🏻

Isheabastard · 16/10/2023 13:47

Everyone has their own line of what’s keeping the magic alive and what they think is bullshit.

Id say do whatever works for you. Just remember that it should always be about the child and not you.

So in your case I’d definitely say keep the magic.

Gardeningtime · 16/10/2023 13:50

I voted unreasonable, not because I don’t think it’s wonderful but because I think there’s a very high chance someone will find it before you. And then she won’t get that one either.

SusiePevensie · 16/10/2023 13:53

Total killjoy here, but as a kid I found this stuff confusing and quite upsetting. I was trying to figure out how the world worked and trusted my trusted adults to tell me the truth.

LolaSmiles · 16/10/2023 13:58

Everyone is different.

Personally I think a lot of the obsession about making everything "magical" is driven by parents and parent emotions.

I want my DC to have a fun childhood, lots of experiences, do things together as a family, have a blast at Christmas etc. We do lovely things around Christmas, but not out of a pressure to be magical.

I couldn't care less about giving myself shit loads of additional work, tying myself in knots trying to keep the "magic" going (which let's be honest is usually more mental load for mums, more actual load for mums, and endless opportunities for companies to sell experiences by making parents feel shit if they haven't done a polar express train ride, seven visits to Santa, got the elf, got the Christmas eve boxes, got matching pyjamas). I'm cynical and think a lot of it is just pushing parents to do more and more and spend more an more money else they feel guilt for not making a random day of the year "magical".

willWillSmithsmith · 16/10/2023 14:06

Definitely the magic. Those times are precious, the next thing you know they’ve got tattoos, piercings, vaping, hard partying etc (speaking from my own parental experience 😁) and their day to day life no longer involves you.