Page 2 | How much effort do you put into making things magical?

MrsFletchersFlan · 2023-10-16T10:56:15+00:00

I guess this is apt in the run-up to Christmas as well, but this is about favourite toys and what happens when they get lost. DD (3) recently got a new toy from my parents, who are currently visiting. We went for a walk in the park, and played pooh sticks. DD managed to throw one (precious to her) part of it into the water along with her stick. She was very sad! I've managed to order a new one, and I've been thinking about ways for her to "discover" it. Like if we went for a walk near a river, and she could find it on the bank like it's been washed up... Is this insane? Should I just give it to her? How much effort do you make for the "magic" of childhood? If it makes a difference, DS (6) is kind of sceptical in general and we haven't put much effort into Santa as he's not convinced (though I still do stockings and a plate with a mince pie and a carrot for Rudolf!), and we don't do the tooth fairy or elf on the shelf or anything like that. YABU - just give it to her. She doesn't need an elaborate set up YANBU - do the magic! It doesn't last long!

Stompythedinosaur · 16/10/2023 14:09

I put lots of effort into giving my dc nice experiences, I find it gives me lots of joy too!

There is only really this little bit if their lives that they can believe in magic, and I want them to have that experience.

APocketOfGooseFood · 16/10/2023 14:13

All fine as long as it doesn’t train her to think that anything she finds she is supposed/allowed to keep - such as another child’s toy or bike, or everything at nursery…

theduchessofspork · 16/10/2023 14:17

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 16/10/2023 12:00

I am not going to vote because my answer is do it if you will get a kick out of it. If it’s one of the parts of parenting that brings you joy have as much fun with it as you can but ‘providing magic ‘ shouldn’t become yet another chore for hard pressed parents.

This

MardiLisa · 16/10/2023 14:18

My general answer is not very much. We don't do elf on the shelf - I think too much magic spoils it really. It's best in tiny little glimpses.

But, this is absolutely one of the bits it's worth doing. There was another thread recently about a 7 year old who'd lost his most beloved toy and whether the parent should mock up a new one by washing it a few times etc. I think they'd be a fool to try and replicate it - the child will know the difference. But with this - much younger child, much newer toy - yes I would.

Be warned you have to hide it really, REALLY badly to be found by a 3 year old!!

DressingRoom · 16/10/2023 14:26

LolaSmiles · 16/10/2023 13:58

Everyone is different.

Personally I think a lot of the obsession about making everything "magical" is driven by parents and parent emotions.

I want my DC to have a fun childhood, lots of experiences, do things together as a family, have a blast at Christmas etc. We do lovely things around Christmas, but not out of a pressure to be magical.

I couldn't care less about giving myself shit loads of additional work, tying myself in knots trying to keep the "magic" going (which let's be honest is usually more mental load for mums, more actual load for mums, and endless opportunities for companies to sell experiences by making parents feel shit if they haven't done a polar express train ride, seven visits to Santa, got the elf, got the Christmas eve boxes, got matching pyjamas). I'm cynical and think a lot of it is just pushing parents to do more and more and spend more an more money else they feel guilt for not making a random day of the year "magical".

I agree with this.

Do it if you will enjoy it. It does sound to me as if you will need another adult involved and fairly strict timing and placement if you're going to let your DD discover the washed-up toy by the river before some other child finds it...?

Original poster

MrsFletchersFlan · 16/10/2023 21:16

Thanks everyone for your input! Sounds like magic gets the thumbs up from most! I briefly considered doing postcards as per PP, but I think that's a bit too much effort magic for me 😄

OP posts:

JustKeepSlimming · 16/10/2023 22:02

LolaSmiles · 16/10/2023 13:58

Everyone is different.

Personally I think a lot of the obsession about making everything "magical" is driven by parents and parent emotions.

I want my DC to have a fun childhood, lots of experiences, do things together as a family, have a blast at Christmas etc. We do lovely things around Christmas, but not out of a pressure to be magical.

I couldn't care less about giving myself shit loads of additional work, tying myself in knots trying to keep the "magic" going (which let's be honest is usually more mental load for mums, more actual load for mums, and endless opportunities for companies to sell experiences by making parents feel shit if they haven't done a polar express train ride, seven visits to Santa, got the elf, got the Christmas eve boxes, got matching pyjamas). I'm cynical and think a lot of it is just pushing parents to do more and more and spend more an more money else they feel guilt for not making a random day of the year "magical".

I'm so glad someone else has said this, because I completely agree! I think childhood is generally "magical" without much effort, because a small child has so little understanding, but I don't like the pressure to make everything magical.

I try to make things fun, and interesting, but I can't really be bothered with trying to make it magical, especially as that usually seems to involve a lot of time and money.

My SIL is obsessed with "the magic of Christmas", and takes her kids to Santa breakfasts, North Pole rides etc, does elf on the Shelf, sprinkles flour on the hearth and makes footprints in it on Christmas morning, the works. I don't think her children have any more of a sense of excitement about Christmas than mine do, plus her 2 are exhausted by the time they get to Christmas Day.

For a lost toy, if it was very special I might get it to send a few postcards from its travels, but in your situation I'd just give her the replacement part. I'm probably a grump, though, and you can do whatever you like for your own child!

LolaSmiles · 16/10/2023 23:44

I try to make things fun, and interesting, but I can't really be bothered with trying to make it magical, especially as that usually seems to involve a lot of time and money
Same here. You hit the nail on the head.

It might be an outlook thing too. For all I hate the twee expectations of being magical, if I was going to sum up my ideal Christmas it would be one with no or low stress, time with everyone off work to slow down, time to be hospitable to friends and family, a small number of presents that have been properly considered for each person. I'd look forward to it, have the time off with family and then feel refreshed afterwards.

The idea of sitting in endless online queues the day the region's most wanted Christmas events go live trying to get booked into the right events and having a packed December sounds stressful to me. That's before all the hassle getting everyone out the door because greedy venue says that if you're not there within a 10 minute window they won't let you in and you can't get a refund. I know people who do all this and it's clearly worth it to them and they're all about the "magic", but I have limited sympathy hearing about how busy and stressed they are in the run up to Christmas, and especially hate being told how lucky I am to not be stressed. It isn't luck.

SockQueen · 17/10/2023 23:03

JustKeepSlimming · 16/10/2023 22:02

I'm so glad someone else has said this, because I completely agree! I think childhood is generally "magical" without much effort, because a small child has so little understanding, but I don't like the pressure to make everything magical.

I try to make things fun, and interesting, but I can't really be bothered with trying to make it magical, especially as that usually seems to involve a lot of time and money.

My SIL is obsessed with "the magic of Christmas", and takes her kids to Santa breakfasts, North Pole rides etc, does elf on the Shelf, sprinkles flour on the hearth and makes footprints in it on Christmas morning, the works. I don't think her children have any more of a sense of excitement about Christmas than mine do, plus her 2 are exhausted by the time they get to Christmas Day.

For a lost toy, if it was very special I might get it to send a few postcards from its travels, but in your situation I'd just give her the replacement part. I'm probably a grump, though, and you can do whatever you like for your own child!

Show quote history

Very much agree! I want my kids to have fun and enjoyable experiences, and am fortunate to be in a position to afford more of these than my parents could when I was a child, but I'm rather cynical about "magical." Plus what then happens when the child grows out of magic? Are there not other ways to enjoy special occasions?

I have a photo from last Christmas that reminds me of how different adults' and kids' priorities can be. I'd got myself really worked up because I wanted to get the kids to a special church service on Christmas morning. It just didn't happen and I was gutted, it felt like all my hard work was down the drain. Went off to have a cry while DH looked after the kids for a bit. He sent me a picture of DS2 (aged 3.5) on the sofa, with a bowl of crisps and his Santa chocolate, watching the Numberblocks Christmas special for the 100000th time. And he was delighted with it all!

DappledThings · 17/10/2023 23:11

LolaSmiles · 16/10/2023 13:58

Everyone is different.

Personally I think a lot of the obsession about making everything "magical" is driven by parents and parent emotions.

I want my DC to have a fun childhood, lots of experiences, do things together as a family, have a blast at Christmas etc. We do lovely things around Christmas, but not out of a pressure to be magical.

I couldn't care less about giving myself shit loads of additional work, tying myself in knots trying to keep the "magic" going (which let's be honest is usually more mental load for mums, more actual load for mums, and endless opportunities for companies to sell experiences by making parents feel shit if they haven't done a polar express train ride, seven visits to Santa, got the elf, got the Christmas eve boxes, got matching pyjamas). I'm cynical and think a lot of it is just pushing parents to do more and more and spend more an more money else they feel guilt for not making a random day of the year "magical".

Completely agree with all of this.

DC have lovely Christmases. We all have fun and nice times and all of that. We do stockings and leave a carrot out but none of the icing sugar footprint malarkey. DC1 stopped believing at 5, DC2 is 5 now and still going strong. It makes zero difference to DC1's enjoyment of Christmas, or to mine.

letmesailletmesail · 17/10/2023 23:21

DD was so taken with the idea of the tooth fairy as a toddler and so upset that she had to wait a few years until she lost some teeth that we used to have the toothpaste fairy who came and put the toothpaste on her toothbrush in the evenings! DH thought this was nonsense but DD never seemed to realise or think it was odd that the toothpaste fairy only came on the days I did bedtime!

INTERNETEXPL0RER · 18/10/2023 00:32

letmesailletmesail · 17/10/2023 23:21

DD was so taken with the idea of the tooth fairy as a toddler and so upset that she had to wait a few years until she lost some teeth that we used to have the toothpaste fairy who came and put the toothpaste on her toothbrush in the evenings! DH thought this was nonsense but DD never seemed to realise or think it was odd that the toothpaste fairy only came on the days I did bedtime!

My son had two teeth extracted by the dentist for orthodontic treatment and he put them under his pillow for the tooth fairy. He was 15 😬

He also tried to negotiate an increase in the rate since they were adult teeth 🧚‍♀️

Howmanysleepsnow · 18/10/2023 00:49

I was going to say no. I always speak to my kids like mini adults: my boss laughs at how I explain things to them as if they’ve a degree in medicine/ law/ science/ whatever but I’ve always just used the correct terms.
But then I remembered I’ve written letters from the tooth fairy (generally to explain lateness when I’d no change) and had lost toys ring the doorbell on their return. I say, do the magic while you can!

hilariousnamehere · 18/10/2023 00:50

Do the magic! I would let her find it with a little note from a river mermaid (I have done similar in the past for friends' little ones - because among other things I'm a professional mermaid 😁🧜‍♀️). Or if you're worried about someone else finding it first, make a parcel of it for her to find at home with a note from the mermaid who found it and sent it back?

Three is a wonderful age for that full belief. When we're at the beach in our tails or if I'm swimming anywhere in public, adults often get really excited and point out the mermaid(s). 5+ year olds get excited too and want to ask me questions and check if my tail is real, but 3-4 year olds often just delightfully see it as totally normal - there is water therefore obviously there are mermaids, is the vibe I usually get. Makes me smile!

Niche response I know, but always go for the magic if it's not too much faff - some of us always remember these things our parents made happen for us, and never outgrow the magic!

bridgetreilly · 18/10/2023 01:20

To me, this particular example sounds absolutely bonkers, and also not ‘magical’ at all. But you do you, I guess.

Original poster

MrsFletchersFlan · 18/10/2023 07:15

Thanks everyone! Went to feed the ducks yesterday and, what are the chances! It was right there washed up on the bank! Her face 😍

Then she nearly threw it in with the bread 😂

OP posts: