To ask for your advice on how to get baby to sleep - please help!

[Springbaby2023]

My 5.5 month old baby will not sleep and has not slept well since 3.5 months. I’ve posted about this before but it’s just getting worse and worse, he’s now up every 30 mins - hour over night. Never does more than an hour.

Last night he was up god knows how many times (it’s usually around 10 when I count) and has now been awake since 4.30th and my three year old will be up any minute. Today will be hell.

I’m at my wits end and can’t think clearly on it because of being so tired.

He has a good nap schedule but is fed to sleep (EBF) which I think is the issue. Also has a dark room, white noise, isn’t too hot/ too cold, has teething medicine, anything you can think of basically. Won’t take a dummy.

As far as I can see I’ve got three options:

1. Wait it out, know it’s a phase and will pass
2. Sleep train
3. Introduce solids to see if that helps (I don’t think it will but MIL swears it will so thought I’d include it)

I honestly go round and round in circles trying to decide what to do and it’s driving me just as mad as the lack of sleep itself. I don’t really want to sleep train but I can’t keep living like this.

Probably opening a can of worms here but has anyone got any advice on what to do? Or even just on how to survive this phase.

Exactly, every baby is different and hence why it's cruel to sleep train, as if a baby can be programmed like a little robot. Most babies will still need night feeds at that age. If a baby is waking every hour though it's likely allergies or intolerances causing discomfort, as they should naturally start doing longer stretches to some extent.

Doesn't work for every baby when it comes to formula and she doesn't have to stop BF. She needs to teach them to self settle. Put them down without a feed and keep at it.

I never need a drink during the night! You'd be surprised a lot of babies sleep through without needing a feed.

It isn’t cruel just because every baby is different. There are many different types of sleep training due to the fact that babies are different.

Sleep is a need, for both parent and baby. It isn’t cruel at all to attempt a method that just might help a baby sleep so they can grow and develop.

Yep! Sleep is very much important for the babies development and for the mother. A sleep deprived mother is dangerous

Is it anything to worry about?

DD1 was EBF woke hourly until 19 months.

DD2 is 4 months and EBF and has been sleeping through the night since 6 weeks old, sometimes wakes once. I didn't realise it was unhealthy or bad ☹️

DS1 was like this. Fed to sleep every time, it was hell. We used the baby whisperer (probably showing my age here) pick up out down method which really helped. DH got involved as well. And once I'd figured out his sleep cycle (40 mins) I'd creep into his room during a nap and just put my hand on his back to see him through the light sleep phase. That was more for naps but it helped him learn how to re-settle at night too. I think he was 14 months before eventually sleeping straight through the night.

No please don't worry! Its completely fine. X

Don't panic! Mine was the same - I worried needlessly, trying to wake them in the night trying to get more milk down them. It didn't work - the poor wee one just got crosser and crosser at me trying to force feed them!

HV said they were gaining weight and growing fine, obviously getting all that they needed during the day.

OP - my guess would be associating boob with sleep and to break that through some gentle sleep training - and persevering not giving up too soon. Good luck!

I definitely agree with this. The other day I came home and realised I’d left the hob on, I’m sure it’s because I’m so tired. It also makes me a worse mum for my toddler for sure and gives me real anxiety issues.

I wouldn’t worry at all! Really hope it lasts for you. This one was great until 3.5 months and it all changed, but I know that’s not the case for every baby.

We’ve just a bottle of formula at night and it makes no difference. I would rather take the sleep deprivation over giving up BF at this stage

I should say I’m not expecting him to sleep through the night, I have no issue with 2-3 wake ups. It’s the every 40 mins / hourly wakes that are killing me.

Also for those who suggested allergy issues / reflux etc. We were recently on holiday and he only woke two or three nights a night most nights while we were there, so he can sleep better (and he does have two hour naps). I feel like if there was an underlying reason then this wouldn’t happen? Also he’s the happiest little baby in the day! Never grumpy.

@scrantonelectriccity well if weight gain is fine it's fine. If your baby does this naturally it's fine. Sorry for my confusing post. What I meant was more that it's not healthy to encourage or force a BF baby who doesn't naturally sleep through the night to go extended periods without food. If it's your baby's natural pattern then that's different. For some women such extended periods without feeding could affect supply and for some babies, it could be detrimental to weight gain. But if your baby is doing well it's fine.

My nephew had no night feeds between 12 and 7pm from a week old growth was fine strapping young man now.

That's because you've been trained to drink.

@jannier I was responding to PP comment suggesting most babies should be sleeping through at an early age and suggesting that feeding at night is unnecessary. Some babies are outliers and that's totally fine if it's their natural pattern but it would be silly to think all EBF babies are capable of sleeping through at an early stage. OP is reasonably asking how to stretch out the gaps between feeds but some PP have suggested baby should be fully sleeping through which is unrealistic for many BF babies. I agree that if it's the baby's natural pattern to load up on calories all day and feed less at night then that's fine.

Just re read that... from a WEEK old? That is super unusual. If he was EBF it's lucky it didn't affect his mum's supply.

Sorry if I've missed this as haven't read the full thread.
But DD2 was like this at that age.
I finally gave in after trying everything and one night bought her downstairs and just laid her on her playmate while I slept on the sofa.
It worked a dream.
From that moment I knew she actually needed far less sleep than I thought.
She'd happily babble away and kick her little arms and legs before she just fell asleep.

This came after many months of driving her around at 3 am, rocking her to the ends of the road ends of the earth, just turned out she didn't want to sleep.
For me it was a game changer although it went against all my instincts as a mother.

My child just did not want to sleep at certain points of the night.
The result was an incredibly happy baby because a fraught mother wasn't trying to get her to sleep when she just didn't want to.
Not conventional but saved our families sanity.
That child is now into her second month of uni.
I wish now I hadn't spent so much of my energy ,or hers, trying to get her to sleep

Forgot to say that she was BF and was woefully attached to me until much later

Have you tried a dummy op? Baby may just want to suckle.

@BurbageBrook no not EFF, initially EBF, then moved to combi-feeding due to low supply caused by a difficult birth. Low supply was nothing to do with not feeding at night - my supply dramatically improved once I was getting at least 8 hour blocks of sleep in. Like I said, sleep is vital for well-being - have a look at "Why we sleep" by Matthew Walker. And sleep deprivation is dangerous - it's effects are worse than alcohol on driving, for instance.

I was surrounded by people normalising babies waking frequently, even for years, and it was so unhelpful and bad for mental health. But if you separate out feeds from sleeping and only feed if they're actually hungry (rather than doing a fart and sighing) then they quickly learn to connect sleep cycles.

This would actually point more to an allergy actually assuming that you weren't eating the exact same foods - as in the same brand not just "brown bread" for example.
Some of my daughter's allergies are obscure and you would be surprised which products are safe in one supermarket and not safe at another even though the packets look essentially the same.

@Superscientist didn’t think of that! Would there not be other signs of an allergy though? Also he used to sleep ok until 3.5 months.

@Chanhedforthis yeah he won’t take one, we’ve tried regularly over the last five months

Erm it's not down to how they feed how well they sleep. You'll find that formula fed babies wake up frequently too and not all sleeping through.