Was this a threat or am I being ridiculous?

[StaceyTweedle]

Have you ever met someone who really scared you to the core?
I think I have, and the bastard has his claws in my sister, who has a history of abusive relationships.

I'll be honest and admit that I had a bad feeling from the start but I can't explain why. After this weekend I can, even if I will sound like a hysterical shrew.

We had a family event and he joined yesterday, and we ended up talking at some stage when we were both outside. Smalltalk, I asked him about work etc when he suddenly said "I usually get what I want, and when I don't get it then I make sure that nobody does" and smiled.

I know that this sounds ridiculous but it really scared me, and I can't think of any reason why he would have said this apart from knowing that I don't like him. Is there something I am missing, any reason why someone would say something like this? I might be overly sensitive because of my sister's background but I honestly can't think of a single good reason why he'd say such a creepy thing.

About 10 months in but she is already talking about moving in together

You can apply for Claire's Law but I believe any information found is disclosed to the person he's in a relationship with and not always the applicant- just so you're aware

you need to do some research on facebook. pretty sure you will find a connection somewhere even if he isnt a friend of yours. sometimes in pics too

You’re not being ridiculous, OP. It’s the kind of thing someone says in a jealous rage when they’ve been dumped and can lead to murder. Rare, granted, but has happened.

It’s unnerving and he sounds like twat at best and a narcissist at worst.

"Nice and understanding" and then says that ... 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

I totally get why you felt that way especially given your sister's previous relationship history.

I would be concerned for her as well as that sounds very much at odds with his so called "nice and understanding" reaction to her previous relationships.

He could be one of those absolute twats who seem to think that coming out with something like that gives them macho points when in reality it only makes them sound ridiculous.

I understand that Claire's Law requests all have to be vetted first ~ meeting to discuss amongst professionals ~ and they don't always grant them. When they do, they then speak to the actual person in the relationship with the person.
They also inform the person they are not allowed to disclose the information. Also takes some time.

I would definitely be keeping a very close eye on your sister and watch out for any sign. As she will likely not want it to be known if anything has started to happen with him... Being involved in another abusive relationship brings with it more unique fears and amongst that is feeling ashamed that people close know that it has happened again. The main thing is that she has you who obviously cares very much about her.

Similar initial thought to me. Sorry to scaremonger, OP. I have a neighbour who got involved with a known violent man, thinking she could change him. He’s now been imprisoned because of his treatment of her after the initial charm offensive and her children have been removed from her (not his kids) and he’s threatened “He will make sure they never return” or “nobody else will want her” if she won’t get back with him. I have to say, it straight away reminded me of lovely Katie Piper’s acid attack. Poor, poor woman.

I’d want to tell my sister exactly what happened, although if you think she’ll tell him and it’ll put her and you in a vulnerable position it’s a trickier one. Definitely do the search as others have suggested.

Sorry replied to wrong post above.

@StaceyTweedle As the mother of a woman who was in an abusive relationship, I might be wary of telling your sister what he said. She probably won't believe you, she might tell him and put herself more in his power and cut off her escape routes. Does she have good friends you trust? Other siblings? Parents? If you can, share your concerns with them. It turned out that my DD's friends were all worried about her but didn't feel able to do anything in case they were over reacting.

Incidentally, nobody got any weird vibes off my DD's abuser. We all thought he was lovely, and I was relieved that after a series of grim relationships she had finally found someone nice and reliable. So they are often hiding in plain sight.....

Trust your instincts

My DM started seeing a guy years ago who had been married four times

Myself and my brother only met him once. I immediately didn't like him. I got the feeling he was very controlling

Divorced four times?

Neither of us liked him and luckily my DM stopped seeing him.. keep an eye on your sister

I agree with the pp who said don’t tell your sister. She will either not believe you, think you’re jealous of her final happiness or some other such thing. You’ll be the bad guy.

Id put the feelers out with the police under Claire’s law, also do some googling and Facebook stalking.

Don't put his picture on Facebook that's terrible advice

Could he have been quoting a line from a film or something? Sounds like something a movie villain might say.

Did you ask him what he meant by that or could you ask him in future? Definitely don’t tell her as in my experience they don’t listen and you’ll be ostracised. She will 100% tell him and you’ll be the enemy.

I want to tell her but I also think it would be a bad idea, and I am wondering if that's exactly what he wants me to do so he can claim that I am trying to break them up or so.
I'll see if I can find some information on him, and I'll make sure to keep regualr catch ups with my sister.
Whatever his reasons, it was a fucked up thing to say.

I’m struggling to see how you throw that into a conversation about work. What is his job?

Has your sister said anything at all to you about his behaviour towards her?

@StaceyTweedle Please don't miss my post a little dwonthread.

Red flags everywhere OP

hi OP - I went through something very similar with my best friend, her now exdp said similar worrying things but always not enough for it to be a rea l threat. Also I just knew he was a wrong un from day one, there was just something about him….
I won’t tell you what he ended up doing to my best friend as you don’t need the imagery right now. But trust your gut. I wish I did.

You're right, that isn't something anyone who is a genuine nice person would say. It's an odd statement with a slightly threatening undertone. As in a "don't go against me or I will make life difficult for you" kind of way.

Best case scenario, he's just an arrogant prick who thinks saying things like that are impressive. Worst case, he is another abuser who thinks women are a possession. Always trust your gut instinct especially when you've seen your sister in bad relationships before. I would be watching him very closely.

No. He said it because he means it.

Please tell your sister he said it.

Sounds like my friends ex. She ended up in hospital.

He sounds like an arse and probably a bit of a shit but there's not a lot you can do, just stay away from him