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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to park on former friend's neighbours driveway?

40 replies

stomachachequarterpast8 · 15/10/2023 20:20

My work has parking but it’s often full, so I have to park on a nearby street. The street where I usually park is near my former friend’s house and my car is probably visible from her house as it’s that close. I have seen her occasionally.

What happened with my friend – it was fine until the Covid lockdown in 2020, when she started speaking less. I arranged to meet her in September of that year but she didn’t turn up. At the time, I tried to get in touch because I was worried due to her husband’s business being badly affected by the lockdowns and she had health issues anyway, so I was concerned about her being depressed or ill. I tried contacting her via phone and email, then via letter which I delivered by hand to her house. I’m not normally a pest like that but we’d been friends for years and it was so out of character that I was seriously worried (she’d had mental health issues in the past before we met), and I told her that multiple times and that if she didn’t want to be friends anymore then she should just tell me and put my mind at rest. She never responded and we haven’t seen each other to speak to for 3.5 years, and I haven’t been in touch with her for about 2 years now. I have seen her from time to time near her house where I park but we ignore each other. I don’t want to see/speak to her again as it was a really upsetting time for me when she ghosted me, not just due to the loss of a friendship but also a family bereavement and discovering that I cannot have children (which I told her about and really needed her support).

Back to my parking issue – I’ve been parking near her house for a few years and it used to be fine, but others from work have had the same issue as me and so we all park in that road and in the area. I have to arrive an hour earlier than I need to because I never know if I’ll get a space in the road or in work’s car park. I’ve looked on JustPark and it just happens that her neighbour is renting out their driveway! It’s really cheap and would solve my parking problems, but I’m not sure about parking next to my former friend’s house. From what I’ve seen, she doesn’t appear to be in most of the time but it still feels a bit strange. I also don’t know if her neighbour knows who I am as he or she will likely have seen me delivering the letter to her house a few years ago. My family says I should just do it but I don’t know?? WIBU?

OP posts:
MereDintofPandiculation · 15/10/2023 20:24

Just fo it. You can’t spend the rest of your life restricting yourself because she might be there

Shortpoet · 15/10/2023 20:25

You need a parking space. You’ve found one in a good place at a reasonable price. You’d be a fool not to take it.

Your friend cut you off without explanation. You owe her no consideration.

You’re not doing it to get under her skin. You’re doing it because it is a good space.
Go book it now, before some one else does!

PuttingDownRoots · 15/10/2023 20:26

Would your ex friend even realise? Unless you have an extremely distinctive car or a personalised plate...

Lucyintheskywithlove · 15/10/2023 20:28

I would say go for it.
The worst she can do is ignore you, which she is doing already, so nothing will change.
Are you worried she might cause a scene if she sees you there?

cartagenagina · 15/10/2023 20:28

PuttingDownRoots · 15/10/2023 20:26

Would your ex friend even realise? Unless you have an extremely distinctive car or a personalised plate...

That’s exactly what I was thinking! The only friend whose car I would recognise has a personalised plate.

Most people just aren’t that interested in other people’s cars surely?

TheCrystalPalace · 15/10/2023 20:28

No debate. Do it.

TheCrystalPalace · 15/10/2023 20:30

Reasons being: she has no say in your life now as she's withdrawn. Why should she have the power to make your life more stressful than she has already by ghosting you?
If parking on this driveway makes your life easier, then go for it. If (and it's a big "if" in my view) she has an issue with it, then tough. Why should you care?

NancyJoan · 15/10/2023 20:32

cartagenagina · 15/10/2023 20:28

That’s exactly what I was thinking! The only friend whose car I would recognise has a personalised plate.

Most people just aren’t that interested in other people’s cars surely?

Show quote history

Well, presumably she’ll recognise her ex friend, if not her car! If she’s parking next door, there are ten opportunities each week for them to bump into each other.

I still think you go for it. OP. It’s not even as though you had an actual falling out.

Original poster
stomachachequarterpast8 · 15/10/2023 20:34

PuttingDownRoots · 15/10/2023 20:26

Would your ex friend even realise? Unless you have an extremely distinctive car or a personalised plate...

Yes, it's very distinctive due to being a fairly uncommon colour and I've got a personalised plate 😳

OP posts:
MolkosTeenageAngst · 15/10/2023 20:38

You’re definitely overthinking things here, it’s been years I’m not sure why you’re still giving her any of your headspace.

Original poster
stomachachequarterpast8 · 15/10/2023 20:39

For everyone asking why I'm bothered, it's because I don't want her to misinterpret it as me wanting to be friends again or thinking I'm trying to be intrusive in some way. I suppose the worst she can do is come out and tell me where to get off. I think I'll just go for it, thank you everyone.

OP posts:
NotAKangaroo · 15/10/2023 20:40

Yeah, I can't see the problem at all. Even if she does think you're doing it to become friends with her, she'll soon realise she was wrong because you won't be trying to make contact with her. As PP said, you can't restrict your life because of someone you don't even know any more.

littlefireseverywhere · 15/10/2023 20:43

The arrangement is between you & neighbour. If it works out well for you both, ignore anyone else!

Goldbar · 15/10/2023 20:56

Just do it. Smile vaguely and ignore her when you pass, as you would any stranger. Pretend you don't know her. You don't need to let her influence your everyday life anymore... she's lost that right.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 15/10/2023 21:01

Are you prone to overthinking things?

Who gives a shit if someone you're not friends with thinks something about you? Just hire the space and park on it.

Moonbowlspoon · 15/10/2023 21:05

Fuck your ex-friend. Why should she do you out of a place to park? I’d take it up in a heartbeat.

mondaytosunday · 15/10/2023 21:13

Non issue. Just do it.

anon0007 · 15/10/2023 21:16

It's a parking space. It's not like your using it to peek in her windows.

TeeedleDum · 15/10/2023 21:31

Do it!

Squeakypipster · 15/10/2023 21:43

Totally do it. It's a simple business transaction and nothing to do with ex-friend.

Scottishskifun · 15/10/2023 21:46

When I read the title I thought crikey (as in you were going to park on your former friends driveway without asking etc) but actually if it's her neighbour and your paying for it then perfectly fine!

VineRipened · 15/10/2023 21:56

he or she will likely have seen me delivering the letter to her house a few years ago.

Unless you got dressed up as Postman Pat and danced up the path singing the theme tune at full volume it is batshit to think a neighbour would remember someone delivering a letter 3 years ago.

QuillBill · 15/10/2023 22:00

I can't believe you think that the neighbour will likely have seen you deliver a letter years ago. Grin

Or that you are considering arriving an hour early for work every day of your working life because it 'feels a bit strange'.

AcclimDD · 15/10/2023 22:29

I wouldn't OP. There must be other places to park.
I think your former friend could interpret this as harassment /stalking.

flustereddriver75 · 15/10/2023 22:54

All these people saying "go for it" etc, but honestly I'm left wondering what her side of the story might be here.

Have you got any form for turning up when not wanted op?

The whole "the only possible place to park is next door to my ex friend" scenario just seems a bit unlikely to me.

I'd have a look around and find a different parking space or even a different mode of transport and give this person some breathing space.