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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to park on former friend's neighbours driveway?

40 replies

stomachachequarterpast8 · 15/10/2023 20:20

My work has parking but it’s often full, so I have to park on a nearby street. The street where I usually park is near my former friend’s house and my car is probably visible from her house as it’s that close. I have seen her occasionally.

What happened with my friend – it was fine until the Covid lockdown in 2020, when she started speaking less. I arranged to meet her in September of that year but she didn’t turn up. At the time, I tried to get in touch because I was worried due to her husband’s business being badly affected by the lockdowns and she had health issues anyway, so I was concerned about her being depressed or ill. I tried contacting her via phone and email, then via letter which I delivered by hand to her house. I’m not normally a pest like that but we’d been friends for years and it was so out of character that I was seriously worried (she’d had mental health issues in the past before we met), and I told her that multiple times and that if she didn’t want to be friends anymore then she should just tell me and put my mind at rest. She never responded and we haven’t seen each other to speak to for 3.5 years, and I haven’t been in touch with her for about 2 years now. I have seen her from time to time near her house where I park but we ignore each other. I don’t want to see/speak to her again as it was a really upsetting time for me when she ghosted me, not just due to the loss of a friendship but also a family bereavement and discovering that I cannot have children (which I told her about and really needed her support).

Back to my parking issue – I’ve been parking near her house for a few years and it used to be fine, but others from work have had the same issue as me and so we all park in that road and in the area. I have to arrive an hour earlier than I need to because I never know if I’ll get a space in the road or in work’s car park. I’ve looked on JustPark and it just happens that her neighbour is renting out their driveway! It’s really cheap and would solve my parking problems, but I’m not sure about parking next to my former friend’s house. From what I’ve seen, she doesn’t appear to be in most of the time but it still feels a bit strange. I also don’t know if her neighbour knows who I am as he or she will likely have seen me delivering the letter to her house a few years ago. My family says I should just do it but I don’t know?? WIBU?

OP posts:

Womencanlift · 15/10/2023 22:55

I think you are massively overthinking this. No chance that the neighbour will remember you delivering a letter.

Yes it’s not great that your friend ghosted you but I think you just need to move past it now. Some people had to do what they had to do during lockdown to survive, I know I deliberately stepped away from some friendships during that time for my own sanity

If she sees you you can either ignore each other or say hello and move on with your day. If she turns batshit and asks why you are parking there then you can either ignore or just be an adult about it and say you have rented it and carry on

Darkmode2 · 15/10/2023 23:04

Are you worried she'll think you've moved in next door 😄 because that would be more entertaining than worrying tbh

ButterMyParsnip · 16/10/2023 07:09

I don't see the problem with renting a parking space near her. If you do see her, just smile, say hi and hop in your car or head to work like you would with anyone else.

One word of caution though, make sure the parking space is really being rented out by the owners. One of my colleagues was caught out when she rented a space from someone who didn't even own it. It was a neighbour who noticed the owner didn't have a car and thought they could make some money out of it (allocated parking outside a small block of flats).

PickledPurplePickle · 16/10/2023 07:20

Just do it - you are overthinking it

SkiingIsHeaven · 16/10/2023 07:31

She's not thinking about you so stop thinking about her.

ChChChCherryBomb · 16/10/2023 07:46

flustereddriver75 · 15/10/2023 22:54

All these people saying "go for it" etc, but honestly I'm left wondering what her side of the story might be here.

Have you got any form for turning up when not wanted op?

The whole "the only possible place to park is next door to my ex friend" scenario just seems a bit unlikely to me.

I'd have a look around and find a different parking space or even a different mode of transport and give this person some breathing space.

This!

You tried multiple times to contact her, text, email and then hand delivering a letter and yes, it’s awful to be ghosted by someone but it could be too close, especially if the driveway is right next to where she would park, therefore she might feel that you’re invading her space? Maybe?

Then again, you’ve been parking in the street for a number of years so it’s not like it’s a random turn up out of the blue, type of thing.

It’s really difficult to answer this without knowing her side of the story.

GRex · 16/10/2023 08:02

There is a bit more going on here. No rational person would state that her neighbours are likely to be renting you a space having recognised you from posting a letter to their neighbour 3 years ago. I feel parts of this story are being hidden here OP, and more has happened. Might be best to stay away if you're going to be too tempted to start up the contact again.

SlipSlidinAway · 16/10/2023 08:22

I think you were OTT to resort to hand delivered mail after she had ignored phone calls and email from you. That does sound a bit intense and stalkerish when she'd clearly indicated that she didn't want the friendship to continue.

I can imagine she might think, 'oh no!' If she sees you parking on her neighbour's drive. And yes, as a pp said, she might think you've moved in.

But if you're sure you can resist any urges to attempt to rekindle the relationship then, as you need somewhere to park and as it's ridiculous arriving at work and hour early each day, I would go for it.

MsRosley · 16/10/2023 08:36

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 15/10/2023 21:01

Are you prone to overthinking things?

Who gives a shit if someone you're not friends with thinks something about you? Just hire the space and park on it.

Are you prone to criticising people?

It's natural she might have misgivings about this.

MidnightOnceMore · 16/10/2023 10:38

ChChChCherryBomb · 16/10/2023 07:46

This!

Then again, you’ve been parking in the street for a number of years so it’s not like it’s a random turn up out of the blue, type of thing.

It’s really difficult to answer this without knowing her side of the story.

Show quote history

It does feel a bit like we've only got half the story.

Keepingongoing · 16/10/2023 11:14

You say that you don’t want to see or speak to her again, and she withdrew from you when you needed her, which was very painful for you.

In your position, I wouldn’t want to be dependent on parking right next door to her every day unless there really was absolutely no alternative. It’s not that it’s illegal or even unreasonable behaviour, but I just wouldn’t want that potential of seeing her at the beginning and end of each day.

Original poster

stomachachequarterpast8 · 16/10/2023 18:53

Thanks everyone for your posts today. I've had another think and if it was my former friend parking on my next door neighbour's drive, I don't think I'd be too impressed and probs feel awkward. The points about harassment are fair I think, although it's not my intention it could be misinterpreted and then I really wouldn't have anywhere to park!!! Just to clear up a few things

I know it was a few years ago now and some are asking why am I thinking of her, I don't normally anymore but the fact that it's her neighbour with the JustPark has obviously made me think about her.
I don't want to be friends with her again, unless she got in touch with a really good reason for why she blanked me, I'm not interested.
The contact attempts were over the span of a few months. The first time I emailed her because I had a lot of news. This was when we were meant to meet and she wasn't there. I sent best wishes etc and left it at that. I think I texted on the same day just saying hope you're ok. Asked again about a month later on text saying been busy all is well etc. Then at the start of 2021 I was health issues and a family member died so I wasn't in touch. When the govt began to lift the lockdown in March/April? I decided to email again just saying I was worried about her and explaining my troubles. Then in June I did the letter as a final thing asking her to just let me know what was going on as I was worried but understood if she didn't want to be friends. I didn't want to send it but I wanted to try absolutely everything so that I can sit here today and say I tried everything I could to get in touch and find out about her. I kept things polite and generally light-hearted.
I wouldn't have bothered so much if it had been anybody else, but we were friends for a long time and she wasn't the sort of person to just go quiet. If she'd had a problem with me personally she would've said, I'm sure of it.
The only other things I know are that she quit her job at the same time she stopped speaking to me, and I saw her husband once in 2020 and asked after her, he just said she was fine and changed the subject to how his business was doing. Again all quite odd, we'd been talking about work and she hadn't said anything about quitting. In hindsight I think it was probably a mental health issue related to the lockdown. When I was trying to get in touch, mental health didn't really enter my head and I was concerned about a serious physical illness.
I don't think she'd think I'd moved in 😂it's definitely way out of my price range!

So I'm just going to keep doing what I usually do, go to the work car park, attempt to park, then if I can't go there then go to the side street, and if I can't park there then I'll go and park in the supermarket car park, which is some distance away but I don't mind a walk occasionally! What a long post!

OP posts:

Squeakypipster · 16/10/2023 22:05

I think you're over thinking it. I just wouldn't make an issue of it. Might be a bit awkward the first time of seeing her, but you're just going to be getting in and out of your car! And the chances of that being the same exact time as her going in and out of home is pretty slight? All you have to do is a polite wave. She'll soonwork out youve hired the parking space and that's all. But if it gets too awkward for you, then stop doing it if you have to, but it might actually help smooth things over one day! Either way you are NOT stalking or harassing her!

ElleCapitaine · 16/10/2023 22:13

How long has she been married? Is there any chance that her husband is exerting control over who she sees or doesn’t see? Could he be the reason she ghosted you?

In your shoes, if you know you haven’t done anything wrong, take the parking space and if she accuses you of stakinging just tell her the situation. Presumably she knows there are parking issues at your workplace.

Original poster

stomachachequarterpast8 · 16/10/2023 22:38

ElleCapitaine · 16/10/2023 22:13

How long has she been married? Is there any chance that her husband is exerting control over who she sees or doesn’t see? Could he be the reason she ghosted you?

It's something that crossed my mind. She's been married for about 10 years but in a relationship with him for about 20. I never saw much of him but he seemed nice on the occasions that I did speak to him. Of course you can never really know what goes on behind closed doors. When she does cross my mind, I always think 'what if.'

OP posts:

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