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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to keep my laundry basket

44 replies

welwyngardencity · 15/10/2023 15:49

I am 24 and living with my parents while I save to move out (I should be able to within the next 6 months). My parents have bought a new house and are moving this week so I am going with them. It is the first house they have bought and chosen themselves so it is a big deal for them. My mum in particular wants to start afresh with a lot of new appliances etc after selling her old ones even though they were still in good condition.

I have a plastic laundry basket in my room which I use to put my dirty washing in before I take it downstairs to the washing machine. This afternoon I got home and noticed while I was in my room that my laundry basket was missing.

I asked my mum where it was and she said it was on its way to the dump. I said I wanted to keep it. She said it was "stinking" (it wasn't, and I would have been happy to give it a clean if needed. It's plastic so easy to clean) and that she didn't want it in her new house. I said it was mine and I wanted it. She said she paid for it (about 10 years ago) so she could decide what she wanted to do with it. I said, "so are any gifts you bought for me not mine then?" I stated that I wanted to take it with me when I moved out into my own place. She said that in that case I could keep it in my car boot until then as it wasn't coming into her new house.

AIBU to have been annoyed about this? It's not even just about the laundry basket, it's that she went into my room and without permission took something that belonged to me to throw it away. I felt like my autonomy and privacy were invaded.

She said that she will have a communal laundry basket on the landing in the new house, however I don't want to use this as I would be sharing it with my parents and younger brother. I like having my own laundry basket while living with my parents as I need that independence. I am ready to move out myself, but due to circumstances I just haven't been able to yet.

Who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:
DinaofCloud9 · 15/10/2023 15:51

I think you are being unreasonable making such a fuss over a laundry basket.

DustyLee123 · 15/10/2023 15:51

YABU. A laundry basket doesn’t make you independent.

Wingedharpy · 15/10/2023 15:53

Tensions are high.
Moving house is very stressful.
She wants her nest to look pristine and gorgeous - just like she's built it up in her head.
Humour her - just this once - unless you want to be made homeless!
Good luck with the move.

ditalini · 15/10/2023 15:54

You're not unreasonable to want to know that items in your room won't be sent to the dump with no notice nor consultation.

It wouldn't be a hill I would choose to die on though.

Buy yourself a new one and make plans to move on asap.

Your mum sounds a bit overexcited by her new house, but it is her house ultimately...

MermaidEyes · 15/10/2023 15:54

What on earth is wrong with sharing a laundry basket?! Anyway, after 10 years I think it's time to get a new one regardless.

JonHammIsMyJamm · 15/10/2023 15:55

You’re both being petty, attaching a load of meaning to a plastic basket. Choose your battles. Both of you.

GrumpyPanda · 15/10/2023 15:56

YANBU. She's being disrespectful of your space. I'd also want to keep control of my own laundry. Is she proposing to go back to doing everybody's? Odd move.

Coldinscotland · 15/10/2023 15:57

Keep the basket in your car. When you get your own new place use it as a planter and fill it with potted plants on the dining room table.. Pride of place
Your dm is nuts.
Whatever else of yours does she intend to bin I wonder?

WashingAt30 · 15/10/2023 15:58

This is simply a sign that you need to do everything in your power to move out of your parents home ASAP. The longer you stay the more the resentment will build, don't wait a second longer than you have to, you clearly need your independence. Focus on that and not the washing basket. Good luck!

LightSpeeds · 15/10/2023 15:58

I think your mum's totally rude. I wouldn't treat my daughter's possessions like that (new house or not)!

BlackForestCake · 15/10/2023 15:58

Keep the basket in your car, put your laundry in a cardboard box in your room for the next six months until you can move out.

PatsWoggle · 15/10/2023 16:01

One one hand I think she shouldn't have just chucked it out. I have adult DC living at home and wouldn't dream of getting rid of any of their stuff without consulting them first. Enforcing a communal basket won't work as presumably you do your own washing so it's better for yours to be separate.

On the other hand. It's a laundry basket, just buy another one.

Brandyb · 15/10/2023 16:04

You are definitely not being unreasonable. You want to keep your own laundry in your own basket. Why is she making a deal of this? You're an adult and you want to keep your own possessions in your own room; it's not going to affect the new house aesthetics. I think it's good you're dealing with your own laundry. What's her real issue with this?
As others have said, it sounds like it's time to move and not be dealing with whatever it is that is making your mum stressed.

viques · 15/10/2023 16:05

Are you sure you are twenty four? You sound about twelve. If you can afford to move out then you can afford to buy yourself something better than a grubby plastic laundry bin for your dirty clothes. It really isn’t worth getting into such a state about it. Just ask your mother to stay out of your room while you are still living there.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 15/10/2023 16:05

It’s a bit weird that she threw it away. But it’s also a bit weird that you are carrying on so much about it.

Let’s take a step back. You don’t know what your new place will have/not have for laundry facilities. Maybe use this as an opportunity to get a new laundry basket that will be more flexible. Something like a laundry bag

More general advice is to not sweat small stuff like this. Lots of big changes and tension will be high. Let your mum be excited for the new house and all the fun that comes from making it hers. You’ll be doing the same in a few months.

RunnyPaint · 15/10/2023 16:07

I gave in to my DD's feelings over a cracked laundry basket in her room a few years ago. She even refused to have an identical (but not cracked) one we had elsewhere. So, I'm obviously with you. But, if it's only for a few months, perhaps humour her...

Cowlover89 · 15/10/2023 16:08

Yanbu

Tinkerbyebye · 15/10/2023 16:09

Your mothers nuts. That said just buy a new one and use that, then take that with you.

Pumpkinspicelattetime · 15/10/2023 16:10

viques · 15/10/2023 16:05

Are you sure you are twenty four? You sound about twelve. If you can afford to move out then you can afford to buy yourself something better than a grubby plastic laundry bin for your dirty clothes. It really isn’t worth getting into such a state about it. Just ask your mother to stay out of your room while you are still living there.

So it's only teenagers who don't like having their possessions stolen from them? What a weird attitude to have.

Warum · 15/10/2023 16:11

YANBU.
While the laundry basket itself might not be a big thing to some, it's symbolic of your mum thinking she can just remove things from your room, and that leads to lack of trust.

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 15/10/2023 16:11

DustyLee123 · 15/10/2023 15:51

YABU. A laundry basket doesn’t make you independent.

This. You're 24 and still living at home. It is their house and they have a say on what is in it. I've never had such an attachment to a laundry basket, but if you feel so strongly then move out now.

viques · 15/10/2023 16:13

Pumpkinspicelattetime · 15/10/2023 16:10

So it's only teenagers who don't like having their possessions stolen from them? What a weird attitude to have.

Show quote history

So you don’t think a 24 year old should be expected to have the social skills to deal with a situation like this ? Because I do.

Tellytibby · 15/10/2023 16:14

Finding it a bit odd that most people seem to think it's reasonable to wait until someone has gone out and take one of their possessions to the tip without their permission.

greengreengrass25 · 15/10/2023 16:15

Sounds really awful of her tbh

I would never take things out if my adult dcs room like that or check with them first

Does she want to buy a new one to replace it

2023shady · 15/10/2023 16:16

viques · 15/10/2023 16:05

Are you sure you are twenty four? You sound about twelve. If you can afford to move out then you can afford to buy yourself something better than a grubby plastic laundry bin for your dirty clothes. It really isn’t worth getting into such a state about it. Just ask your mother to stay out of your room while you are still living there.

Why would it be grubby? It just holds clothes
I've had the same plastic laundry bin for 20 years and it looks and smells exactly the same
I'm not smearing mud and shit all over it

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