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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to keep my laundry basket

44 replies

welwyngardencity · 15/10/2023 15:49

I am 24 and living with my parents while I save to move out (I should be able to within the next 6 months). My parents have bought a new house and are moving this week so I am going with them. It is the first house they have bought and chosen themselves so it is a big deal for them. My mum in particular wants to start afresh with a lot of new appliances etc after selling her old ones even though they were still in good condition.

I have a plastic laundry basket in my room which I use to put my dirty washing in before I take it downstairs to the washing machine. This afternoon I got home and noticed while I was in my room that my laundry basket was missing.

I asked my mum where it was and she said it was on its way to the dump. I said I wanted to keep it. She said it was "stinking" (it wasn't, and I would have been happy to give it a clean if needed. It's plastic so easy to clean) and that she didn't want it in her new house. I said it was mine and I wanted it. She said she paid for it (about 10 years ago) so she could decide what she wanted to do with it. I said, "so are any gifts you bought for me not mine then?" I stated that I wanted to take it with me when I moved out into my own place. She said that in that case I could keep it in my car boot until then as it wasn't coming into her new house.

AIBU to have been annoyed about this? It's not even just about the laundry basket, it's that she went into my room and without permission took something that belonged to me to throw it away. I felt like my autonomy and privacy were invaded.

She said that she will have a communal laundry basket on the landing in the new house, however I don't want to use this as I would be sharing it with my parents and younger brother. I like having my own laundry basket while living with my parents as I need that independence. I am ready to move out myself, but due to circumstances I just haven't been able to yet.

Who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:

Pumpkinspicelattetime · 15/10/2023 16:17

viques · 15/10/2023 16:13

So you don’t think a 24 year old should be expected to have the social skills to deal with a situation like this ? Because I do.

Show quote history

I would expect anyone to be annoyed if someone had rummaged through their bedroom and stolen something, no matter what that item is. And she has dealt with it. She's spoken to her mum and got her item back. She hasn't started a fight, she hasn't been violent, she's not trying to get revenge. In what way do you think she hasn't shown the social skills to deal with this situation?

madeinmanc · 15/10/2023 16:18

I've got a mother like this, years on and she has never understood my brother and I as separate people with our own belongings. Part of a wider problem in our case, possibly in yours, too.

Ponoka7 · 15/10/2023 16:19

MermaidEyes · 15/10/2023 15:54

What on earth is wrong with sharing a laundry basket?! Anyway, after 10 years I think it's time to get a new one regardless.

She doesn't want someone else handling or seeing her dirty knickers, especially her Dad and Brother, not unreasonable.

OP I still occasionally do my DD's washing, she's 25. But she has her own laundry baskets. It is about the right to privacy. Buy another basket. Do your own washing. It does sound as though your mum wants you gone tbh. She's making it clear that it's her house.

greengreengrass25 · 15/10/2023 16:19

I think I took a plastic laundry basket from my dps house when I bought my first house

Long gone now but I like a laundry basket

Daisybuttercup12345 · 15/10/2023 16:24

Brandyb · 15/10/2023 16:04

You are definitely not being unreasonable. You want to keep your own laundry in your own basket. Why is she making a deal of this? You're an adult and you want to keep your own possessions in your own room; it's not going to affect the new house aesthetics. I think it's good you're dealing with your own laundry. What's her real issue with this?
As others have said, it sounds like it's time to move and not be dealing with whatever it is that is making your mum stressed.

I agree with this.
Your Mum is being very controlling and I would want to do my own laundry too. You are being related as a child.
Move as soon as you are able too.

forrestgreen · 15/10/2023 16:25

Can you dismantle it and pack it so she doesn't know.
Yep she should t touch your things. It's rude

Sheswearsby · 15/10/2023 16:29

Can you keep the 'offensive' laundry basket in your wardrobe OP?

OneWildNightWithJBJ · 15/10/2023 16:33

It’s irrelevant whether your mum’s moving house or she bought the laundry basket. It was yours and she shouldn’t have got rid of it.

MysteryBelle · 15/10/2023 16:34

Just think, your mother has probably hated that laundry basket for years, an old basket sitting around with your dirty clothes in it, a basket that is 10 years old and grubby 😂 now she has a reason and here was her chance while you were gone to get rid of it 😂 you meanwhile are saving every penny to afford your own place and see keeping that old basket as helping you save money.

Did you have a habit of leaving that basket sitting around? That might have grated on her for years 😄

Otherwise, it does seem rude to throw it out without talking to you about it, but it also seems strange for you to be so attached to it, they don’t cost that much, though you are reasonable to not want your clothes in with everyone else’s.

autumnpleasestay · 15/10/2023 16:34

She's behaving strangely, but under the circumstances, I'd de-escalate the situation. It's a laundry basket, not something particularly cherished or irreplaceable. Once you're all moved, do your laundry as you like (separately), and in the meantime keep your eye on the prize of saving enough to move out into a place of your own.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 15/10/2023 16:42

MysteryBelle · 15/10/2023 16:34

Did you have a habit of leaving that basket sitting around? That might have grated on her for years 😄

If I’m honest I was wondering the same thing.

I tend to use things well past their prime even if it’s a much hated item (25 yo dish set that is hideous and indestructible I’m looking at you!) but if I have just a hint of justification to get rid of and replace said item I will grab hold with both hands!

Who knows maybe she’s stubbed her toe on this weekly while it’s been out of the room or it was a horribly misguided gift from her DH 10 years ago.

It’s gone and not coming back!

The OP should use this as a larger conversation. Hey mum, I’ll be moving out soon so could probably use some of the HH items you are planning to replace, can we talk about them before you get rid of them?

margotrose · 15/10/2023 16:48

viques · 15/10/2023 16:13

So you don’t think a 24 year old should be expected to have the social skills to deal with a situation like this ? Because I do.

Show quote history

Surely the mother should also have the social skills not to go into her adult daughters' bedroom and chuck her stuff out without permission?

Pythonesque · 15/10/2023 17:08

If it had been my mother she would have been working out which of the old appliances were worth storing somewhere until you moved out to save you having to get them.

(we're currently sorting through stuff that's been shipped back from overseas, working out which things her grandchildren have a use for while at university now/in the future, and what things they will be glad of thereafter when setting up on their own ... that's the extreme end of such an approach I do admit! And a lot of family stuff and personal stuff had to be shipped such that the increment was less for the more replaceable things)

SquirrelFan · 15/10/2023 17:30

Yeah, unless you're not telling us something about this laundry basket, I think she's overstepping the line. Keep it in your car as she requested (it is her house) and look for your own place. I do like the idea as @saltinesandcoffeecups suggested of asking for stuff she's getting rid of.

Gnomegnomegnome · 15/10/2023 17:33

I wouldn’t go into my adult dc room and move anything and they don’t even live here anymore!

theduchessofspork · 15/10/2023 17:34

It’s irritating but you can get one for a few quid at a pound shop.

redglobox · 15/10/2023 17:41

YANBU at all. It belongs to you. She was wrong to take it from you and she is completely unreasonable to dictate which of your possessions you may bring to a new house that is supposed to be your home too. Good luck with getting your own place. Freedom from this sort of shit will feel wonderful.

JC89 · 15/10/2023 17:50

YANBU, we could all do with wasting less!

Sounds like a lot is going to be got rid of that might be useful to you in a few months if you can move out then, is there any possibility of her selling some of this to you? Ideally when you are ready to move out, if not can you do something like rent a storage unit for a few months? (I've never looked into that so it might be too expensive to be worth it!)

MysteryBelle · 16/10/2023 00:06

saltinesandcoffeecups · 15/10/2023 16:42

If I’m honest I was wondering the same thing.

Who knows maybe she’s stubbed her toe on this weekly while it’s been out of the room or it was a horribly misguided gift from her DH 10 years ago.

It’s gone and not coming back!

Show quote history

Agree, and good points. I think she has had a visceral hatred of that laundry basket for a long time, as you said she’s probably come across it in the middle of the floor one too many times and maybe stubbed her toe. Or, it’s always sitting at the washer or dryer w op’s clothes still languishing in the machine and mum has laundry she needs to put in 😄

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