To not know if baby is invited to the wedding

[Mamaof1DD]

DD was born in May.

My friend from uni is getting married in April four hours away from where we live.

My husband and I were sent a Save the Date in April addressed to both of us by name.

DD is currently EBF, obviously by April she’ll be having solids but I hope to keep feeding her a few times a day, and definitely to sleep.

Because of where the venue is, there’s not a hotel handy nearby for my parents to stay in and look after DD so I could pop back and forth to feed (nearest hotel other than onsite is 20 mins drive). I don’t want to leave her overnight four hours away from us (would be two nights most likely).

I don’t know if DD is invited to the wedding and I don’t really want to ask as I know my friend is stressed about the planning etc.

Do I assume she’s not invited as she wasn’t named on the invite (although at that point, she wasn’t born), and subsequently reject the invite, or do I have to bite the bullet and ask (if so, how do I word it in a casual, no stress to her way?!).

I might be missing something really obvious, but first time mum so sorry if I’m being ridiculous!

TIA!

I’d wait for the invite, and then ask if it’s not clear

I think you need to phone to see if it's a child free wedding. If it is don't go, it'll be too much with having to travel and take parents to a nearby hotel. I do think us ebf mothers (I was one) tied ourselves down and made life harder than it already was for ourselves by ebf, rather than mix feeding. With my second I did myself a favour and just did ebf for the first few weeks. It depends how you feel about it, but by ebf we are just a feeding source or dummy for a child we can't be away from for more than a couple of hours, which is fine but we loose ourselves in the process. A baby free wedding reconnecting with old friends and reminding yourself who you are would be lovely.

Ask. Then if necessary book the hotel 20 mins away, it’s not a long way away is it?

Is the venue very large? Would there be room to book your parents in too? Probably not ideal, but depends on the size of the place really.
Or is there a holiday house nearby you could book for the 2 nights?

At 11 months - even if you can't express - you can still leave a bf baby for some hours as they are on 3 meals a day and can manage.

You could even (for a special occasion like a wedding) give a bottle of formula.

Neither of mine would ever accept a bottle and I was completely unable to express.

However, the question is premature considering the fact the baby couldn’t have been included in the Save the Date as it hadn’t been born, and the invitations haven’t been sent yet.

Just wait OP.

Neither of mine took a bottle but at 11 months I could leave them and they’d have water at bedtime instead

I would never give formula personally. Just wouldn’t. It’s just not something I was prepared to do when I had milk on tap. I BF for 26 months until DD self weaned.

But the trip involves 2 nights, I would never leave a BF baby that long. Absolutely no way, and not for something as silly as a wedding. A hospital emergency but not something with zero importance.

Just phone and ask. That way, if it's a 'no' then you can work out what you're more comfortable with. I guess you'll respect their choice and in return, they should respect yours if it's not right. If DB is invited, then you'll also have more of an idea at the point of invitations if it'd be ok to leave - DD suddenly didn't like being left around 8-24m - we still left her occasionally with DM/DMIL and they were so kind to deal her being distraught, but for more than a couple of hours wouldn't be fair on anyone else.

Thanks for the advice everyone!

I texted this afternoon (was chatting about the wedding planning anyway so just dropped it in) and she said it was a child free wedding but if that meant we couldn’t go, she’d let us bring DD, which is so generous of her!

Going to speak to my parents and ask if they can come and stay the two nights with us in a cottage or similar, and worry about cottage/hotel etc and how I could still put DD to bed or similar on the day.

If they can’t, it looks like she’ll be coming with us (although several have pointed out what a faff this would be too!).

Bride wasn’t at all bothered that I asked, and apologised for not telling me sooner, saying it just hadn’t even crossed her mind, which is totally fair enough!

The cottage set up if you parents are willing is was absolutely super for us when we went to a wedding when DS was 8 months. I was SO worried about the putting to bed as feed him to sleep every night but got back and he was snuggled next to my mum (who was obviously still awake and watching him) in our bed, sound asleep. He was also not hoot at taking a bottle but drank some milk and water out of a cup and just had a huge feed when we got back. Despite being fed to sleep and back to sleep all night long, in our experience he has actually been fine when we are not there.

Try not to worry too much about it and have a fab time at the wedding whether she comes with you or not! Your friend sounds lovely

If she can’t go then you have months till then. She probably will only be fed 2-3 times a day by then so you could probably express enough to leave for her if your mum can look after her so I don’t think breastfeeding will be an issue. The main thing is whether you have childcare.