To think that being self employed is a *proper* job

[GoddessOnTheHighway]

Delightful MIL asked me today whether I had a 'proper' job yet? I said that I'd had a proper job for a long time and she humphed.

I am self employed and on average earn the equivalent of a 2-3 days a week person doing my job full time would get. On top of that I bring up x4 DC, keep an eye on elderly parents and do absolutely everything in the home. And volunteer.

I'd say that my (paid) employment was a 'proper' job but all of the other stuff is a job too. Without it her DS couldn't do his (also self employed) full time job.

I have absolutely no issue with what I am doing or the (non) split of household chores. It works for us and we're very happy.

I do have an issue with MIL implying my time is worthless because I effectively work part time and for myself to facilitate family life. AIBU?

Yes deeply and profoundly

Out of pure nosiness, how old are your dc ?

Depends. If its an MLM she's right, that's just a way to lose money.

Well surely it's more the part time bit she's "humphing" at rather than the self employed bit?
Plenty of self employed people have "proper" jobs. I mean there's "self employed" doing an MLM or something then there's self employed as something like a plumber. Many self employed people have "proper" jobs rather than side hustles etc.
(By the way i still consider part time as a proper job as I am part time and self employed myself and definitely have a "proper" job! I am a dental hygienist.)

Oh yes, I'm always being asked by my mother in law if I'll ever 'go back to work'.

depends on a persons perspectives,

some prefer the traditional eg stem subjects, as proper

some prefer eg based on political and morals

some think being in the pocket of a large corporation is proper

overall it can vary as to a persons expectations

I get that all the time. People who know me know I am not thick as mince. Yet some still ask.

Op said she earns well. You just did what her MIL does and completely ignored her

My FIL keeps ‘forgetting’ that I work - about twice a year makes some sort of snide remark, and seems genuinely surprised each time he is reminded that I do in fact work and earn decent money (4-5x his highest salary). Might be a generational thing? He is also sceptical that anyone working from home is really working more than a fraction of an office job.

DH was self employed (company set up as a partnership) as an engineering consultant for decades and did very well. Multiples of what he would have earnt as an employee. DF was a self employed farmer. DD is a self employed barrister as most of them are unless working for the government or CPS. How anyone can think this isn’t working is beyond me. Ignorance I’m afraid.

Just keep asking her what she means. The quickest way to make people stop repeated rudeness is to make them very very uncomfortable. It creates an aversion.

She sounds quite annoying, do you really need to care what she thinks?

Hahahaha! I used to employ five people in a company I ran for two decades. My DM always asked when I'd be getting a 'proper job'!

@TomeTome I shouldn't care what she thinks (she hasn't had any sort of job herself for almost 60 years) but it is annoying that she thinks what I do is nothing.

How long have you been married?

this is the first time she has ever asked you?

I must be really dumb this evening because I can't for the life of me work out what this sentence means "I am self employed and on average earn the equivalent of a 2-3 days a week person doing my job full time would get."

But yes, it's very weird how people don't recognise work unless it's a 9-5 in (somebody else's) office

@Barrowgirl is there a reason why you are trying to solicit non relevant details of my life?

Elicit.

What is your AIBU?

'Self-employment' as proper job is irrelevant. It's the actual job title. I wouldn't consider someone doing MLM as having a 'proper job', a marketing consultant definitely. You lost me at considering all the household stuff a 'proper job' it's really not.

Your MIL's derision towards your life choices is another matter entirely. Why does she care what you do. apart from the fact that you do a lot. Even if you did not. None of her sodding business

I am self employed and on average earn the equivalent of a 2-3 days a week person doing my job full time would get.

What does this mean?

Also self employed can be anything. A journalist, a builder, a sole trader in a market stall or someone selling coloured rocks on Etsy..! But sure, if you consider yourself to have a proper job and you’re earning money you have a proper job, surely.

Depends whether it provides a reasonable wage.

Just say, looking her steadily in the eye - I do work MIL - I work 3 days a week doing XX, for which I earn the same as I would 5 days a week working for someone else. Pulling in an FT salary over 3 days, means I can take on the bulk of housework, home admin, kid pickups, whatever, so DH can work FT, and we have family time at the weekends.

Every time she raises it, look her in the eye and say it clearly and calmly, whether other people are there or not.

She’s getting a little kick from putting you down. It bothers you, so pull her up on it consistently. She’ll soon stop.

Because of you’ve been married thirty years and this is the first time she’s ever said anything like this… you don’t think it puts the scenario is a touch different light to her doing this weekly for the last thirty years

and there’s a difference between “raising” 4 DC under 10 and 4 adult children! 😂

I think we have the same job. Currently I do 55 hours a week with the children, then prep, cleaning, paperwork etc when they aren't there.
Still people think childminders are lazy, fed them jam sandwiches, sit them in front of TV all day. 😡

so her DS is also self employed, but no snarky comments about him getting a "proper" job?

We do! My own children are all teens now so it's not a job for convenience, I love my job! Absolutely most people have no idea how hard we work.

Which would indicate it’s not about being self employed but rather part time