To think that being self employed is a *proper* job

[GoddessOnTheHighway]

Delightful MIL asked me today whether I had a 'proper' job yet? I said that I'd had a proper job for a long time and she humphed.

I am self employed and on average earn the equivalent of a 2-3 days a week person doing my job full time would get. On top of that I bring up x4 DC, keep an eye on elderly parents and do absolutely everything in the home. And volunteer.

I'd say that my (paid) employment was a 'proper' job but all of the other stuff is a job too. Without it her DS couldn't do his (also self employed) full time job.

I have absolutely no issue with what I am doing or the (non) split of household chores. It works for us and we're very happy.

I do have an issue with MIL implying my time is worthless because I effectively work part time and for myself to facilitate family life. AIBU?

She needs to mind her own business and stop implying that you're not doing enough or earning enough. It doesn't actually matter whether or not you have a 'proper job'. It has nothing to do with her, really.

If she persists in asking impolite questions or making snide comments/annoying sounds about your employment, I'd speak to your husband and let him have a word with her.

trust me - I think child minders must end the day on their knees with exhaustion. Could never do it in a million years!

What do you do that she thinks it isnt a job? Why would the way youre set up make her think it's not a proper job, I assume youre not talking about a trade or profession or other regular job or it wouldn't be an issue

Is it mlm?

it adds context

Because she thinks working for someone else like a robot is normal which is very sad. Good on you being self employed so am I

Given her son is self employed and she has no issue with that

Clearly the issue isn’t about being self employed but rather part time

and for some reason op doesn’t want to clarify this is first time her mil has ever said anything like this in decades or whether it’s an ongoing thing. The former could just be a thoughtless one off comment. The latter would raise questions.

If what I am doing works for me I don't need anyone else to validate it for me, they can think what they like

YANBU. The best jobs are often ones you put together yourself.

Say next time "Remind me what your career was again?"

Some people will just never see anything where you don’t leave the house to go to a premises or have a premises as work. It’s annoying but then as someone said if she doesn’t say it to your dh it’s either that he eg has a premises or that you’re part time- also possibly how crafty yours is- I’m an author on the side but don’t make even minimum wage (outgoings so far bigger than how much I make), I don’t think people will ever see it as a job (as I don’t), until I gain some form of celebrity status eg I could be earning a full wage but because they don’t see the proof I think it would take me being interviewed on tv etc for them to recognise it. Which I don’t mind😅 I’d guess artists/ designers that work from home etc get the same

If you are earning a decent living wage with your time (ie at least £16-£17 income per hour of active working time you put into your self employment) then yanbu. If just making minimum wage then yabu - minimum wage is kept artificially low to subsidise employers so that's too low a barrier to clear.

Of course your own enjoyment and welbeing is just as important as the money you are bringing in, but whether or not you are being reasonable does also depend on whether your DH is overworking himself into ill-health/trapped in a job he hates because of your decision. If you have the talents skills and qualifications sufficient that you could be bringing in a lot more and that would give your DH more freedom to seek fulfilment and happiness then I would hope that the two of you discuss together as a partnership whether the current setup is working or whether it's time for a change - but your MIL doesn't get a vote in those discussions.

Depends on the job. Some self employed work is proper work. Some is a bit of a paid hobby. And MLM is a money pit

And looking after your own children / housework is not a job

It sounds like she thinks her ds is the only one earning the money. She needs to mind her own business and your dh needs to be the one to tell her.