To not want to go on holiday with in laws?

[TiredandWornoutFTM]

Will try to keep details as brief as possible. We have been invited on a holiday abroad next year with my in laws and I really don't want to go. The holiday would be paid for by them, we would just need to pay for flights and some spending money.

Ever since the birth of our first child I have found them more and more unbearable. My MIL is very overbearing and treats my DS like it's her baby- she has even referred to him excitedly as my baby. We clash a lot over things like weaning, screen time etc.

I have nothing in common with them and their idea of a holiday is to drink heavily and lay by the pool getting sunburnt all day. I don't drink due to health reasons and like to explore local culture etc. My FIL is not as overbearing as my MIL but can be emotionally manipulative and volatile.

Since giving birth I have also suffered with severe anxiety and PND which I am receiving counselling for but the idea of having to travel abroad with a toddler seems incredibly stressful.

Basically AIBU to deny my DH a nice holiday with his family even though I'll be miserable the whole time??

I don't think the OP has said she's breastfeeding?

Don't go. Ever. Do your holidays your way.

Do not go with them! They are stressing you out with their overbearing behaviour so the less you see of them the better. Put your own little family first and that means nurturing your own MH.

It doesn't matter, toddlers can still be quite attached to their mums and not cope well a whole week apart. Op's dc could be 1yo or 2yo, it's still very young

Is there any compromise possible?

E.g. spending a few days having a city break just you guys and then joining the in laws for a few days?

If you don’t want to go, don’t go. But you shouldn’t stop your DH and DS going.

While she has no right to say if her DH goes she does have a right to say if her son goes. It may not be in his best interest to be away from his mum for a holiday.

If it was the mum wanting to go away for a week you'd be telling her she needed the break and he'd be fine.
Everything the OP is feeling will be clouded by the anxiety and PND she mentions. Perhaps this proposed holiday isn't coming at the right time. But it's very hard to see the good in anything when you're depressed.

Lets be honest—those who talk about the dh’s “right” to take the children on holiday without their mother or the grandparents “right” or want ti have a holiday with grandchildren—how often in reality to husbands and grandparents want ti holiday while doing allllllll childcare? In reality these overbearing grandparents and servile dh’s need OP to be there to do the hard work: diapering, toy wrangling, managing whining, early bedtimes, pool safety. Its a holiday for them which is just parenting-in-a-different -location for OP. Its not a gift and they don’t want to do it without her to do the scut work.

Yanbu - don’t go.
They’ll feel like they own you once you let them pay for the holiday & from what you say they are already over bearing and manipulate - it will be much worse & no kind of holiday.

It's a field with no WiFi my kids wouldn't go never mind me. Actually H wouldn't go.

That's not a holiday!

A field, no WiFi no escape from SIL.

Say you don't do camping without a pool and a bar on site.

With pleasant helpful in-laws this night happen do but how many threads have I seem in here where family are on OPs arse all day over her not up to scratch by their standards parenting then Fucking off to go out while she wrangles a child alone 24\7.

And since this OPs husband seems to allow his mother to do crazy shi t like calling herself mum he's unlikely to be much use is he?

Your title says you don't want to go on holiday with your in-laws. So don't..Just go by yourselves. Enjoy.

Just say no.
If she wants to know why, just tell her.

Yet another ‘my in-laws are awful’ post.it’s so depressing if you have sons. If OP,doesn’t want to go away with them ,fine. Just sick of dils moaning about ILs. It’s natural for women to be closer to their own mother, but give MILs a break!