Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Catering for a vegetarian?!

516 replies

Magenta3 · 14/10/2023 13:01

My brother's gf is a vegetarian. We're having everyone over next weekend for a get together. My family eats a lot of meat and I feel a bit unsure of what to cook her, and if I'm being honest I don't see why we should change our catering for one person.

I asked my brother to bring along some of their own food for her (he eats meat so will be fine, it's literally only for her) and he seemed annoyed at me. He obliged but I could tell he wasn't happy. When we've been to theirs she doesn't cook meat for us so it feels one sided. She jokes she'd probably poison us as she doesn't know how to cook meat but realistically she doesn't want to cook it, so why should we for her?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
fuckssaaaaake · 14/10/2023 14:27

You should bring out a book on hosting

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 14/10/2023 14:28

Ilefttownonsaturday · 14/10/2023 14:26

That looks great!

Ilefttownonsaturday · 14/10/2023 14:28

I don't think the op is going to return to the thread.

DahliaMacNamara · 14/10/2023 14:29

If you have the skill to make a proper curry it's seriously unwelcoming not to want to bother making a few vegetable side dishes that everyone else would probably enjoy too. Unless you're a household of lions?
I wouldn't cook meat for guests either, because like your son's gf my knowledge in that direction is rudimentary, and I'd be embarrassed to serve up food I hadn't been able to test for seasoning.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 14/10/2023 14:30

Ilefttownonsaturday · 14/10/2023 14:28

I don't think the op is going to return to the thread.

Too busy aggressively chopping a butternut squash muttering “that selfish bitch” under her breath, one imagines…

Schoolchoicesucks · 14/10/2023 14:30

Hold on - you go to hers and she cooks food for you that you can eat (with no meat). When she comes to yours, you want her to bring her own food to eat. And you think this is even and fair? She has to cook both when she hosts and when she is hosted? How long have you spent thinking this through?

Cook a meal everyone can eat. Or cook a meal that the rest of you can and is also easy to serve a portion of without meat (not bread and salad) or a meal that can have a meat substitute served in place of the meat.

Don't accept her hospitality if you won't be hospitable to her.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 14/10/2023 14:30

I will never understand why some people draw an equivalence between vegetarians not cooking meat for meat-eaters and meat-eaters not cooking vegetarian food for vegetarians. The two are clearly not comparable.Confused

TheWeeDonkeyFella · 14/10/2023 14:31

If I were the guest and picked up on the resentment I'd simply decline the invitation as I'd not trust how you'd prepare my vegetarian food.

TheWeeDonkeyFella · 14/10/2023 14:32

junglejane66 · 14/10/2023 14:14

Could she not have some wafer thin ham?

Still makes me smile 😁

rocknrollaa · 14/10/2023 14:33

Pinkfluff76 · 14/10/2023 13:58

Oh ffs only on mumsnet! Of course you’re not feeling unreasonable. She can’t be arsed to cater for you, I wouldn’t want a vegetarian dinner. Not your fault she’s a vegetarian.

You really wouldn't eat a single meal that didn't contain meat if you were invited to the house of someone who is vegetarian and is uncomfortable cooking meat? (Either for ethical reasons or she thinks she might do it wrong and give you food poisoning?)

Poundfoolishpennywise · 14/10/2023 14:33

You sound really hostile and rude, is there a backstory to this? Otherwise YABU, it’s not difficult to include one or two dishes that she can eat - even pre-made if you don’t want to make any effort to cook something from scratch for her.

My DD can’t eat gluten but luckily my family are kind and inclusive and when we are invited over they always make a special effort to cook dishes that she can also eat.

Mercurial123 · 14/10/2023 14:34

So you eat meat/fish/chicken etc for every meal?!

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 14/10/2023 14:35

I am stunned that in 2023 someone is struggling with how to feed a vegetarian! Even if you don't want to eat veggie food yourself or cook two separate meals , the supermarkets will stock a ready made vegetarian version of whatever you are eating.

Kaftankween · 14/10/2023 14:35

My daughter is vegetarian. If I’m making curry I just use something like Richmond fake chicken pieces for her. Easy

MrsMarzetti · 14/10/2023 14:37

You do not have to change the menu for everyone. Sweet potato curry using curry paste, a spoonful of peanut butter, chick peas and spinach is quick and easy. You invited her so you need to cook for her.

LondonJax · 14/10/2023 14:38

I know the OP has gone but, as a meat eater, my favourite meal is bean chilli. Very quick.

A tin each of kidney beans, black beans, green lentils and tomatoes (more if you're feeding a lot of people), I also add baked beans because it thickens the sauce and we like them! one or two vegetable stock cubes, a chopped onion or two and one or two grated carrots. Gently fry the onion. Drain the beans and lentils (I put the baked beans in at the last minute or the sugar can make the pan stick), bung them in a big pot with the grated carrots and add the tinned tomatoes plus the vegetable stock cubes. Add cumin, oregano and chilli powder to taste. Salt and pepper, simmer until it's all reduced down to the thickness you like. Serve with rice or jacket potatoes, tortilla wraps or loads of tortilla chips. If you don't like certain beans, substitute other veg like peppers or sweetcorn.

I actually eat this cold, on it's own, for lunch the next day as it's delicious. I don't make a 'con carne' version anymore as we all love it. I get 6 portions plus enough for two smaller lunches out of that ... and we eat 'big'.

For about £3.50p for the pot, not per portion! Plus the cost of rice or jacket potatoes etc plus any spices.

pizzaHeart · 14/10/2023 14:39

Could you call your brother to tell him sorry you were wrong before the resentment escalated? It’s probably just stress of life on your side which happened with all of us so it’s better to accept it asap and move on.

OurfriendsintheNE · 14/10/2023 14:39

Amazing hospitality Hmm

BalloonSalesperson · 14/10/2023 14:40

I think meals are best dealt with by a buffet/tapas type approach where everyone can help themselves to things they eat

My experience with that has often been that the veggie offerings are quickly snaffled up by carnivores and there's none left for the vegetarians. Especially at weddings. I think food for vegetarians should be placed on a different table labelled "vegetarian" so they can at least have the first shot at it.

BackToRealMe · 14/10/2023 14:40

Simplepink · 14/10/2023 13:29

You can’t “portion out some curry before the meat goes in” that’ll be gross.
surely you could just buy a veggie microwave curry and pop it into a bowl if you can’t be arsed learning to make an easy Dahl?

Why would that be gross if no meat went in it yet? OP could just fry up some paneer and put that in for the veggie guest.

Gnomegnomegnome · 14/10/2023 14:42

When we've been to theirs she doesn't cook meat for us so it feels one sided.

@Magenta3 does your brother not cook?

GiveMeCakeOrGiveMeDeath · 14/10/2023 14:44

BackToRealMe · 14/10/2023 14:40

Why would that be gross if no meat went in it yet? OP could just fry up some paneer and put that in for the veggie guest.

Show quote history

The meat needs to cook in the sauce and spices not be added at the end. Adding meat at the end would make a bad curry. However she could make the sauce then portion a bit aside to cook with lentils or a tin of chick peas and then add the meat to the main sauce to cook.

Warum · 14/10/2023 14:45

Melassa · 14/10/2023 13:10

Usually people who can only cook meals with meat in them aren’t great cooks. At the very least they are unimaginative and probably not great with flavours. That goes for restaurants with one pithy vegetarian offering too.

I’d probably stop off at the local Lebanese or Indian restaurant and bring my own.

What a silly statement.

Warum · 14/10/2023 14:46

I said YANBU, tbh, if you go to someone's house you eat what's offered. If you don't want to eat that you don't go/bring your own.

spookehtooth · 14/10/2023 14:47

I'm vegan. If someone I knew expressed themselves like that about my dietary needs, I would feel disliked and I would not want to visit and spend time with someone who did not like me. If you don't like her or just not enough to cater for her, so you don't want to cater for her, save everyone a lot of time. Be honest and grown up enough to say it and deal with the consequences.

If you're finding it difficult, phrase it that way, its okay to find it difficult and not know what to do. Ask for help deciding what to get, and try to enjoy doing it. If she's a nice person, it won't go unnoticed, and generate appreciation and be good for your relationship with her.