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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Catering for a vegetarian?!

516 replies

Magenta3 · 14/10/2023 13:01

My brother's gf is a vegetarian. We're having everyone over next weekend for a get together. My family eats a lot of meat and I feel a bit unsure of what to cook her, and if I'm being honest I don't see why we should change our catering for one person.

I asked my brother to bring along some of their own food for her (he eats meat so will be fine, it's literally only for her) and he seemed annoyed at me. He obliged but I could tell he wasn't happy. When we've been to theirs she doesn't cook meat for us so it feels one sided. She jokes she'd probably poison us as she doesn't know how to cook meat but realistically she doesn't want to cook it, so why should we for her?

OP posts:
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MotherOfNations · 16/10/2023 16:38

With authentic Indian and Thai curries chicken is added at the end of the complete sauce.

fearfuloffluff · 16/10/2023 16:39

phoenixrosehere · 16/10/2023 16:38

I don’t understand this thought process with people who eat meat who seem to think being a meat eater means they’re carnivorous and act as if they have never had a meat-free dish in their lives and those who don’t eat meat whether through allergy or choice are from another planet and it’s such a hardship not to add meat to a dish.

There are plenty of dishes that don’t have meat that many people ,veggie or not, eat without even thinking about meat. Most veggies get on with it yet meat eaters like yourself seem to have an issue with it and think so many have some superiority when in most cases, those who seemingly can’t imagine one meal without meat eaters are the ones making it such an issue. It’s reminiscent of those who drink alcohol and think those who don’t drink think they’re superior when in actuality non-drinkers aren’t thinking much if at all about them.

Edited
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I always have a bit of mince on top of my weetabix, me - just so I don't turn into the metropolitan elite

SandyLanes · 16/10/2023 16:39

I went to a bbq a few years back, the hosts are crap with any food that isn’t completely basic. A good friend is vegetarian and she brought her own food with her because the hosts ‘didn’t know what she likes’. I mean how hard is it to look at the meat free section in the supermarket or just google a recipe. I felt quite ashamed at the lack of thought and effort.

Purpleyogamat · 16/10/2023 16:40

You invited someone to dinner and asked them to bring their own food, because you can't be arsed with catering to their preferences??

Nice move.

TheOctomyTober · 16/10/2023 16:40

@Inyournewdress I don't eat meat for breakfast, sometimes for lunch and always meat or fish in some form for dinner. The only dinner dish I can think of, that I eat without meat, is pizza!

I'm not militant about it nor do I care if someone serves me a vegetarian dish - I'll eat anything (gratefully, if someone else cooked it!) But otherwise, yes, meat or fish with every dinner.

I'd also happily cook for any dietary requirements.

arintingly · 16/10/2023 16:41

I find the "I don't know what vegetarians like" thing super weird because surely omnivores all like different things too? No one expects the host to know exactly what their favourite food is

cushioncovers · 16/10/2023 16:48

Make the curry sauce and put some in a separate pan and add one of the soya or pea protein based packets of ' I can't believe it's not chicken ' type substitutes, or soya mince or sweet potato and chickpeas. It's so simple op.

notacooldad · 16/10/2023 16:48

Unfortunately you will never win this argument on Mumsnet however I totally agree, I choose to eat meat, she chooses not too but I don’t see why her choice is more important than my own so I’m not going to ruin a meal I’m going to eat by making it vegetarian for just one person, also I don’t know what veggies prefer so giving them the choice to bring something of their own was totally reasonable.

This is a very bizarre post. Why is a one meal going to be ruined if you make it vegatarian by having a few adaptations.

The woman who is a veggie isn’t saying her choice is more important but you invited her over as a guest.

You don’t always know people’s reasons for being vegetarian. It could be religious or cultural. You say you dont know what veggies prefer but I know plenty of meat eaters that won’t eat pork, or red meat or fish!

So if you are going to cook a pork joint and your guests can’t for religious reasons are you going to say ‘stuff them!, why should my meal, that I’m inviting guest round to enjoy be ruined.

i truly hate the entitlement that veggies have that makes them think their diet is more superior to ours. Where is the entitlement? She has her dietary preferences, same as you.

Jeez, some Mumsnetters are so out of touch I’m surprised they’ve even heard of the internet nevermind use it. The attitudes here are so outdated.

G5000 · 16/10/2023 17:16

also I don’t know what veggies prefer

They prefer to eat dishes that do not contain meat. Other than that, depends on personal taste, just like with everone else. HTH.

Handsnotwands · 16/10/2023 17:30

andtheworldrollson · 14/10/2023 13:16

There are loads of great meals that just happen to be vegetarian

Spinach and walnut lasagne with garlic bread and green salad is lovely and special

Mexican fried beans with flat breads and all the trimmings ( sour cream, cheese , corriander, guacamole) is also a fanatic dinner party treat

I am not a vegetarian but my mind boggles that you always have meat - it seems you have a very restrictive diet ?

andtheworld can you point me in the direction of a spinach and wallnut lasagna recipe? my local pub used to do the most amazing one, about 20 years ago and ever since i have tried to replicate it and always failed

Perfect28 · 16/10/2023 17:32

Op you are rude and you should start cutting some meat out of your diet for health and planetary reasons.

Piglet89 · 16/10/2023 17:33

Jesus OP are you from the 70s or not a very imaginative cook or both?

elizzza · 16/10/2023 17:38

It’s not one-sided though is it, because they cook a full meal that you can eat, whereas you cook a meal she can’t eat (or she can only have a bit of). I cannot be doing with people who act as if one meal without meat will kill them. Do you seriously never make a single meal that doesn’t include meat??

BardRelic · 16/10/2023 17:47

When we've been to theirs she doesn't cook meat for us so it feels one sided.

Well presumably, she cooks nice food you can eat, and then you cook her nice food she can eat. What's one-sided about that?

notacooldad · 16/10/2023 17:53

I can’t believe people who say they never have a meal that doesn’t have meat in it.
Do they never have meals like Mac and cheese, omelette and salad, poached eggs, mushroom risotto etc. Even things like beans on toast for a quick lunch doesn’t have meat in it.
Even my Nan who who was born in 1922 was more adventurous with food and had less food hang ups than people here thought being a vegetarian was not a big deal and she died about 15years ago!

GreatGardenstuff · 16/10/2023 17:54

How rude and lazy. You are hosting someone who has cooked and hosted for you. How hard is it to google a simple vegetarian dish, or even buy something in m&s.

Manthide · 16/10/2023 17:58

For only one meal I don't see a problem catering for his girlfriend. It is normal to cater for guest's requirements when planning a meal eg my son in law is Muslim so we make sure we have some pork free pizzas in if he's visiting, provide alcohol free wine and pork free meals. Dd2 is lactose intolerant ( since a baby) and a vegan - it's a challenge but we find something we can all eat.

Hedgehog23 · 16/10/2023 18:03

I think you could either make something veggie or buy something for her. Unless she has additional dietary requirements it shouldn’t be too tricky.

bryceQ · 16/10/2023 18:05

I was expecting you to say you were making a Brazilian BBQ meat feast. Curry is literally the most veggie friendly type of food!!! Goodness it's not exactly unusual to be vegetarian

Bumblebeestiltskin · 16/10/2023 18:07

Magenta3 · 14/10/2023 13:21

I know there are lots of alternatives but it isn't familiar with me and not in my diet.

I started to plan out the meal (I was thinking of doing curry) and yes I know I can just take the meat out but I wanted to give my other guests the food they also wanted and didn't want to waste food by making loads of dishes. I think this has been interpreted as me being mean but I was just trying to explain the siutation. Of course I would provide rice, poppadoms and veg etc. It was more the main meal .

You sound ignorant and unintelligent

Zigzagga · 16/10/2023 18:32

Wow. You sound so welcoming...

Nelly91 · 16/10/2023 18:36

You sound awful. Hopefully she comes drunk and doesn't have to put up with you! I would be.

Sennelier1 · 16/10/2023 18:37

What I do if and when vegetarians eat here : I make a very nice vegetable dish, also a potatoes/rice/pasta depending on what kind of meat/poultry/fish the rest of us are having. Everybody eats the veg and the starch, those who want to eat the non-vegetarian items can do so. Mind : it's not just a salad, I make very good vegetable dishes inspired by Ottolenghi. Everybody here loves and eats those as a side but it can serve as a whole meal too.

Stormyweathr · 16/10/2023 18:42

Do a meat and veg curry you could then just do the meat seperate plenty of vegetables go lovely in a curry with meat as well

briggs1 · 16/10/2023 18:43

What a ridiculous take on the subject. You sound like you don't like her. Why would she cook meat for you she's a vegetarian and you I am guessing still eat vegetables along with your copious amount of meat.