To think I’m missing something?

[Mamma23]

Work full time (teacher, so lots of work out of normal work times), husband full time too (non-teacher but lots of travelling involved). Toddler in childcare- always the first one dropped off and last to be picked up, mum guilt off the scales.

House is always a mess and I never seem to have time to give it a proper clean top to bottom. Full of stuff and just seemingly nowhere to put it! Money extremely tight (thanks mortgage increase!) so no budget for a cleaner/window cleaner etc.

We do both have longish commutes to work (there and back mine is about 1 hr 15, DP’s around 1hr 45) which do eat into our day a little.

People around me make it seem so effortless to excel at work, keep on top of the housework, spend quality time with DC and also manage to have a social life.

Would love to have a 2nd child soon but struggle to see how we can manage to juggle everything (as well as financially which is a whole separate issue).

AIBU to think I’m missing a trick? Anyone have any top tips for keeping afloat when you feel like there’s just not enough hours in the day?

Most full time teachers have a lot of help. Cleaners etc.

Getting a job nearer home sounds like it would free up a lot of time?

Not in my experience they don't. OP I'm a teacher on 0.6 and hardly keeping my head above water with small kids and a husband who works full time.

I've just changed jobs (left school in summer) all.of the fulltime teachers in my old dept had cleaners dog walkers and some had gardeners.

I have thought extensively about this, but terrified of ending up somewhere I hate!

I worked in a nursery for a time and and saw this a lot. Some of the 'first- in last-out families would pay me to take their child home at the end of the day and babysit if they were working late/away. The homes were always either spotless or in a complete shambles and it was always down to having a cleaner or not as working such long hours meant they couldn't do it.

It seemed those who worked the longest hours had more monet to outsource. You say there are issues with finances. Thatll be what you're missing.

You dont have the time nor the money to do these things. You need one or the other.

Money*

Given that what you’re doing now isn’t working, it’s worth looking around.

I don’t know of anyone with gardeners and cleaners. Dog walkers yes, because of the lack of flexibility to pop home and see to them!

Most full time teachers I know didn’t have cleaners or gardeners. I had a cleaner once a fortnight for two hours for a couple of years when I was on SLT. Never had a gardener, only a window cleaner every few weeks.

I think the commute is the killer OP.

I would move closer to work. Or do what I did and quit teaching.

I now have a normal 8-4 job with loads of wfh days. It’s bliss compared to my 60 hour teaching weeks.

If you don’t mind, can I ask what it is that you do? That sounds like the dream!

Moving closer isn’t an option- we don’t have the finances to do so!

Spend the holidays having a MASSIVE ruthless clear out.

I do try to clear things out regularly, but because I live a few hours away from my family I tend to spend a lot of my holidays visiting them as I don’t get to see them much during term time. I also find it impossible to get on top of housework when I am here in the holidays because of my toddler- it’s the only quality time I really get with him.

I deliver training for a charity. So some days I am out and about delivering face to face or attending meetings.

Other times I am at home writing materials or delivering online training or online meetings.

I’m a newly single mum on 0.8 with a newly massive solo mortgage.

I am paying for a cleaner (only monthly currently but in all honesty it’ll be one of the first things I increase when I get more stable).

My commute is one hour each way and I’m chasing my arse backwards.

I AM NOT DUSTING AT THE WEEKEND. FUCK THAT. GET A CLEANER.

There will be something you can cut to afford it.

I'm a full time teacher, and my house is an absolute tip. I could just about afford 2hrs cleaning a week, but at this point I genuinely don't think that would make a noticeable difference! Anyway, cleaning is easy- it's sorting through the crap to get to the stage where you can actually clean that's the problem.

The worst thing to do is waste even more time and energy feeling guilty about it, though. I try to spend about 2 hours on a Saturday morning being productive while my little ones go into a cbeebies coma, but tbh I don't much done other than a couple of loads of laundry and a bit of a tidy/hoover. And then I stop, and get on with enjoying my weekend, even though the house isn't clean 🤷‍♀️

Trust me when I say, there is no money for a cleaner! The next thing we will have to cut if prices keep increasing is food/heating, which is pretty scary when heading into winter.

OP you have just described my life! Pretty much word for word, except I have 2 DCs. As other people have mentioned, most of my colleagues have cleaners that come in to help them get on top of the house, but this also makes me question what we’re doing wrong. Our joint income isn’t massive but I think it must be about average (about 4.8k a month after taxes, childcare costs minimal as both DCs are school aged), yet we never seem to have much left after bills, DCs’ activities, putting aside for a rainy day, etc. All of my colleagues seem to have nice houses in nicer parts of the city (we live in the slums), busy social lives, lots of abroad holidays and cleaners! What are we missing here?

Can you afford for either of you to drop one day a week at work so that you save on a day of childcare costs, spend an extra day with DC and have time to clean when they nap/watch CBeebies? I appreciate this might not be possible or desirable (and that's okay).

These early years are tough, it will get easier.

We are in the thick of it with childcare costs at the minute as DS is only 2. I am dreaming of those 30 free hours! Saving grace is the term-time only contract which makes it much cheaper. No funds for a rainy day at all, manage to do a few bits through the year socially but those will have to go soon as mortgage increases. I am the main earner, so our take home is less. The only thing I can think is that colleagues partners are earning much more than their teacher partners!

I did actually try this when I first went back to work with little one, I was 3 days a week. I had a much better balance of housework/work/quality family time but we couldn’t afford to keep this up, hence going back to full time work. My dream is to be able to drop back down to 3 days as it was much, much more manageable!

Do you mean 1 hour 15 in total? So about 35/40 minutes each way? If so then I wouldn't really bother looking for something closer because that's not an overly long commute.

I don't know the answer really, I think people who were comfortable before are just not managing now because of mortgage increases/ cost of living. And unfortunately there just isn't much anyone can do about it.

So have them visit you.

Get them to help

They have jobs too, and can’t always get the time off? It’s also easier for me to go there instead of my entire family traipsing here 👍🏻