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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I’m missing something?

33 replies

Mamma23 · 14/10/2023 10:10

Work full time (teacher, so lots of work out of normal work times), husband full time too (non-teacher but lots of travelling involved). Toddler in childcare- always the first one dropped off and last to be picked up, mum guilt off the scales.

House is always a mess and I never seem to have time to give it a proper clean top to bottom. Full of stuff and just seemingly nowhere to put it! Money extremely tight (thanks mortgage increase!) so no budget for a cleaner/window cleaner etc.

We do both have longish commutes to work (there and back mine is about 1 hr 15, DP’s around 1hr 45) which do eat into our day a little.

People around me make it seem so effortless to excel at work, keep on top of the housework, spend quality time with DC and also manage to have a social life.

Would love to have a 2nd child soon but struggle to see how we can manage to juggle everything (as well as financially which is a whole separate issue).

AIBU to think I’m missing a trick? Anyone have any top tips for keeping afloat when you feel like there’s just not enough hours in the day?

OP posts:
Original poster
Mamma23 · 14/10/2023 11:09

Dramatic · 14/10/2023 11:03

Do you mean 1 hour 15 in total? So about 35/40 minutes each way? If so then I wouldn't really bother looking for something closer because that's not an overly long commute.

I don't know the answer really, I think people who were comfortable before are just not managing now because of mortgage increases/ cost of living. And unfortunately there just isn't much anyone can do about it.

Yes, that’s what I mean! I know it’s not a really long, but longer than a lot of people I know!

Yes, cost of living has a lot to answer for doesn’t it…

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 14/10/2023 11:13

The issue is the term time childcare and spending the holidays visiting. Ride it out but once you get free hours, toddler goes in on days off. Visiting is a few days less and get ruthless with possessions. If it's you running the house because your DH works away, then when he's home he takes child and you crack on. These early years are tough.

RachelSTG · 14/10/2023 11:15

Get really organised in the holidays. De clutter and simplify your life. Batch cook at weekends and clean as you go. How messy can a house get if all three out of the house all day? Surely it's just dinner and bath and bed when you get home?

HugoDarracott · 14/10/2023 11:34

I do think you're in the hardest and most expensive part of parenting. Are you primary or secondary? If secondary what subject? These all make a difference.

My house is tidy but I know it's because I am the sort of person who has a place for everything. Tricky when you have young children because they come with a lot of stuff. I'm also someone who puts stuff back where it came from as soon as I finish using it. Not everyone does this. I'm not sure if it's possible to become someone who does it either. If the house is stressful you do need to do something but if you're just comparing your house to others and feeling it's not good enough stop worrying about it. The key thing is if your child has all the essentials and time with you and your husband. They don't care about the house unless it's something off a hoarding programme. Focus on having a happy home rather than a tidy one.

Original poster
Mamma23 · 14/10/2023 11:42

RachelSTG · 14/10/2023 11:15

Get really organised in the holidays. De clutter and simplify your life. Batch cook at weekends and clean as you go. How messy can a house get if all three out of the house all day? Surely it's just dinner and bath and bed when you get home?

This is what I aim to do, each holidays, but between catching up on work and looking after toddler, I seem to never get time!

We go through phases with batch cooking- I find it much easier in winter as typical batch cook recipes are what I would class as winter dishes. We will probably dig slow cooker out and use it more as the weather gets colder!

I think the clutter just builds with children over time, and I’m hanging onto things he’s grown out of for when (at this point it’s an if!) we have another child, So we don’t have to buy everything all over again! I didn’t add that due to being in a new build we can’t use the loft as it’s not boarded out/no ladder etc and to do so voids our warranty. So every nook and cranny is full to the brim!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Mamma23 · 14/10/2023 11:45

HugoDarracott · 14/10/2023 11:34

I do think you're in the hardest and most expensive part of parenting. Are you primary or secondary? If secondary what subject? These all make a difference.

My house is tidy but I know it's because I am the sort of person who has a place for everything. Tricky when you have young children because they come with a lot of stuff. I'm also someone who puts stuff back where it came from as soon as I finish using it. Not everyone does this. I'm not sure if it's possible to become someone who does it either. If the house is stressful you do need to do something but if you're just comparing your house to others and feeling it's not good enough stop worrying about it. The key thing is if your child has all the essentials and time with you and your husband. They don't care about the house unless it's something off a hoarding programme. Focus on having a happy home rather than a tidy one.

Primary, Year 6.
Good advice, I don’t necessarily compare my house to others, more just feel that I want a nice house to show for all my hard work over the years! I also do get stressed at times with the piles of laundry, floors that need a good vac, toys to tidy away etc.

OP posts:
HugoDarracott · 14/10/2023 12:27

Parenting will get easier unless you have another!! I have much older kids and it's so nice to be able to tell them to sort washing / dishwasher / dinner etc.

But primary year 6 really is hard. So much pressure and longer hours than secondary in my experience. Go easy on yourself.

Catza · 14/10/2023 15:16

The trick to keeping on top of it is to get rid of everything you don’t like, use or need. We moved house 3 times in two years and got rid of 90% of our possessions. A complete house clean of 3 bedrooms takes 30 minutes. I give a kitchen a wipe every morning while the kettle is boiling.
Kid is putting away her own things, including laundry and she does washing up every Saturday which is something she has done since she was about 10.

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