AIBU to tell DH he can’t socialise one night a week?

[Calmondeck]

In a nutshell, very sensitive toddler w cancer, 8 week old newborn, me just returned home from hospital after major surgery. DH wants to socialise one night a week (fair enough) but I am struggling doing dinner/bedtime routine alone as newborn screams/toddler get scared and starts crying. Do I just need to suck it up that this is life with multiple children? I told DH he is free every night after 8, but he wants freedom from 5pm

I read the title and thought yabu and then read the post and wow yanbu at all

8pm is fine. Who the fuck socialises at 5? He's just trying to avoid doing the grunt work

Christ YANBU and I’m sad for you that your DH is even asking at a time like this.

Its always all about their bloody needs isn't it. What about your needs? This is exactly why I can't stomach living with a man any more.

In my world FAMILY COMES FIRST!

YANBU. You could consider compromising at 7pm, or 6pm fortnightly, depending what that means for you.

My husband found a hobby that started at 9pm. That made it sustainable, and 15 years on he's still going. 5pm is ridiculous as a start time for adults who have children. It will prob be v important for him to maintain his friendships but 8pm is a perfectly sensible time for him to meet them. 5pm is just lumbering you with bedtime deliberately.

YABU. He is not a prisoner and neither are you his guarder. Sorry for your situation which is desperately sad but you cannot and should not force anyone to stay home. That is coercive control.

So she just has to suck it up? How about he organises some cover if he can't or won't shoulder his share of responsibilities?

Coercive control?

Give over, she's not locking him in!

But if his 'socialising' is more important than his family right now the OP is better off looking for outside help and support because she's not getting it from her husband

It’s not her situation though is it? It’s their situation and under these circumstances I’d expect any loving parent and partner to want to be at home as much as possible

Coercive control?? 😂😂
That madness aside ... it's simple. 5 - 8 pm 'slot' is horrible even without your added complications.
So - after 8 00 - yes.
5 00 - no.
I hope life becomes more manageable for you soon.

Sorry what? Who has cancer you or your toddler? You are doing amazing either way and he is more than selfish what is wrong with him?

I get he might need some space but where’s yours? He is not supporting you at all.
Do you have any support at all? Family or friends?

What the hell 😂🤣

Show me you don't understand coercive control without saying so ...

I was replying to the coercive control comment with this. Absolutely mad comment to make

Eh? 8pm is a perfectly normal time to go out.

You can bet your last pound if he as recovering from surgery he wouldn't he happy at the OP leaving him home alone from 5pm every week with a newborn and a poorly toddler!

In fact, id ask him if it would be a reasonable request to make of him.

When my youngest was that age, our evening routine involved me going to bed after a feed about 8 or so, and DH giving the baby a bottle of expressed milk when he needed his next feed. Saved my sanity, and we didn't have any of the extra challenges you face.

He wants to go out from 5pm? Hell no! What a selfish git.

I would point out all that you say here and that his priority should be his family. It isn’t that he can’t go out just that you need him until 8

I really don't think socialising should be on his radar right now, end of.