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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have treated children with letting dog out

239 replies

beakerclub · 12/10/2023 19:18

DH thinks I was OTT with this, I don't.

Basically as I was getting out of my car with my 2 year old child last night two kids, probably about 8 from their height, were stood right by silently in halloween masks whilst I was unclipping my son from his car seat.

I just rolled my eyes initially and completely ignored them but then as I walked toward my house and up my drive they followed me and at this point my little boy was starting to get upset. I told them to go but they didn't, literally followed me up my drive and to my door!!

In the end I said you have 3 seconds to get off my drive or I'll be letting my dog out to deal with you and you'll wish you had. They scarpered quick as I opened my door and shouted my dog outside.

Now my dog is pretty big and a bit barky and can be quite scary looking if he wanted to be, but he's actually soft as shit so there wasn't any real risk of him doing anything, still it did the trick and they ran off and my dog was confused as to what the commotion was ha.

DH thinks it was just kids messing about and I shouldn't have threatened to basically have my dog attack them (wouldn't have happened). I disagree, I think if you're going to be daft enough to make a toddler upset and follow strangers up their driveways then meeting a scary dog at the door is what you get and really all I did was just warn them I have a dog and was opening my door 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
BabyFireflyx · 13/10/2023 01:08

Letsgoroundagain101 · 12/10/2023 23:29

There’s a chance now (because they’re silly kids and they’ve already shown themselves to be total wind-up merchants) that they will come and hang around your house with the express purpose off winding you and your dog up. They might bring their mates over, throw things at windows, maybe over your fence, knock-door-run, etc etc The excuse of Halloween is going to run on for the whole of October at least…
No matter what the provocation, if you (or your dog) threaten or hurt these kids in anyway then the law is against you (regardless of what the court of Mumsnet thinks).

If she'd not have said anything about the dog after they followed her she could just the same be an easy mark. These little bastards will mark someone out for further intimidation on a whim. She could try to retaliate with words after another issue and have the bigger, nastier parents at her door then too.
Tell me, in the world we live in with these absolute fucking creatures dictating as they please, at what point do you give in and dare not stand up for yourself? The first offence? We'll be back. The second offence? Target acquired. The police won't sort it. But does that mean we just give up and let the fucking scum do what they like?

Mumof2teens79 · 13/10/2023 01:09

Did you say anything to them before you "told them to go"
It seems a very rapid escalation when they hadn't actually done anything

momonpurpose · 13/10/2023 01:16

sandyhappypeople · 12/10/2023 19:25

OR .. she’s taught some little shits that no means no, I wouldn’t have hesitated to do the same, but some of the kids round our way are truly feral.

Show quote history

Absolutely I'd have done it too OP

momonpurpose · 13/10/2023 01:18

eandz13 · 12/10/2023 19:43

I have kids at similar ages. Mine wouldn't be out winding folk up, but if they were my children and I caught wind of this, i'd tell them it served them bloody right to be scared off like that and they should keep it in mind if they think of doing that again.
YANBU.

The world needs more parents like this!

IMarchToADifferentDrummer · 13/10/2023 01:21

As they had masks on and followed you, I'd say not that unreasonable!
Who's to say they weren't small adults waiting for you to open your door so they could attack you and burgle your house, or even kids that would do that?!
Halloween is a couple of weeks away yet, their parents should be telling them it's far too soon to go out trick or treating!!
You were protecting your child and yourself.

Aria999 · 13/10/2023 01:33

I think you would have been better ignoring them and going in to the house.

If you wanted to bring the dog into it something a bit milder might have done; 'I need to let my dog out in a minute so like I said please can you leave as I am worried he will jump at you'

NeunundneunzigHorseBallonz · 13/10/2023 03:50

I don’t think you were unreasonable at all. Little fuckers getting their jollies from scaring toddlers screams of antisocial behaviour. They need to expect consequences. (If you HAD sicked a vicious dog on them, then that would be another story, but you didn’t do that.)

Dunnoburt · 13/10/2023 05:25

@Letsgoroundagain101 from the OPs update about the "type" of neighbourhood I 100% agree with you!.....probably made things worse and now said 8 year olds probably going to want "revenge".....

PsychoHotSauce · 13/10/2023 05:29

I mean, your house is now definitely going to be egged on Halloween but as long as you're cool with that!

PurpleFlower1983 · 13/10/2023 05:36

From the sounds of it, the parents won’t give a shit. It’s not nice to be intimidated and no harm came to the kids.

Lostcotter · 13/10/2023 05:42

Barbie222 · 12/10/2023 19:30

Parents would first have to explain what their 8 year olds were doing out in the dark following strangers up driveways with halloween masks on.

No, they really wouldn't.

Exactly, one of those things the police would take seriously and it wouldn’t be two kids in masks following a grown adult up their drive. I mean I’d hate that too btw but the threat of the dog was a step too far.

OPs husband is correct. That said it is not great how the kids behaved as well.

Robotalkingrubbish · 13/10/2023 05:43

I’m definitely team @beakerclub . Why should kids be allowed to get away with such awful behaviour? I’m glad they were taught a lesson.

Lostcotter · 13/10/2023 05:46

Just read some more of this thread and can see things escalated - why on earth are some people describing little kids as “little bastards” and “scum” etc?! have a word with yourselves and don’t be so vile.

It’s not as if they kicked a toddler in the head or threw excrement at something or some other extreme act. They were in the wrong for sure but no need for such hateful language against 8 year old children in masks who took a joke too far.

ObsidianGrape · 13/10/2023 05:54

Yanbu. If it was my child when she was 2, she would have been so scared. If the boys intentions were to scare your 2 year old, then they deserved it.

It's good for some fear to be put in them and face some repercussions for their actions. It's all this babying of children that is ridiculous. Kids need to learn right from wrong. They won't learn anything if they don't face the consequences of their actions. Let's hope they learn from this and don't do it again to someone else that might actually let dangerous dogs on them etc.

Lostcotter · 13/10/2023 05:56

BlueYonder57 · 12/10/2023 21:29

The law would disagree with you. They did NOTHING. They were 8. They had no knife. They didn't threaten. Thjey walked up a drive.

It is illegal to set a dog on people. Full stop. Whatever the breed.

And this site is still insane. If the headline in the papers had been "householder sets dog on children - child dies" you'd have been screaming for the dogs blood. Dogs are not, and should not be, weapons. If one adult cannot handle two 8 year old children by shutting the door on them, it's a pathetic adult we are talking about.

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exactly. It’s frightening many of the people agreeing with this are parents and/or work with kids and they think this is acceptable. Threatening kids with extreme violence is not OK. And yes a dog attack is extreme violence.

From what I can see Op still hadn’t clarified if she said anything first before leaping to the threat of dogs.

What happens if the similar thing happens at a play park or shopping centre with no dog allowed.

I can’t believe I’m having to even say this but adults need to learn to be able to challenge children without falling back on the “scary dog will get you” line. aside from the fact it’s inappropriate it’s not always possible to use.

phoenixrosehere · 13/10/2023 06:23

Lostcotter · 13/10/2023 05:56

exactly. It’s frightening many of the people agreeing with this are parents and/or work with kids and they think this is acceptable. Threatening kids with extreme violence is not OK. And yes a dog attack is extreme violence.

From what I can see Op still hadn’t clarified if she said anything first before leaping to the threat of dogs.

What happens if the similar thing happens at a play park or shopping centre with no dog allowed.

I can’t believe I’m having to even say this but adults need to learn to be able to challenge children without falling back on the “scary dog will get you” line. aside from the fact it’s inappropriate it’s not always possible to use.

Show quote history

They didn't just follow me up the road, they waited by my car, right by me, purposefully whilst I was getting my son from his seat, followed me up the street to my drive, walked up my drive after being told to leave and came right up to my door whilst I was trying to settle my son and get inside. They were ABSOLUTELY trying to do it on purpose, nothing to do with sweets and they had already been told to bugger off more politely.

Literally said in one of her posts.

She told them to leave and they not only chose not to, but followed her to her door. There’s also no guarantee that they are 8. OP assumed they were by their height. She knows the type of neighbourhood she lives in. They refused to leave her be, ignored her telling them to leave her property and were following her to her door while she had her small child. She only warned them that she had a dog, didn’t let it out and that is what it took for them to finally leave.

They had no reason to be doing what they’re doing in the first place. The moment she told them to leave, that should have been the end of it. Too many adults makes excuses for children and then moan about the younger generation.

LolaSmiles · 13/10/2023 07:05

phoenixrosehere
I don't think many, if any, have excused the children's behaviour.

It's entirely reasonable to think the children's parents shouldn't have them out unsupervised, the children were wrong for pestering, AND that the OP was being unreasonable.

All this "but what about the neighborhood" misses the point that in the neighbourhoods that people are conjuring up to justify an adult threatening to use a dog as a weapon against some children, that's probably exactly the sort of action that is going to either escalate the situation in the moment or prompt further conflict after the event.

The OP should have been the adult in the room, not threatening children that they'll be sorry when she lets the dog out at them.

Hellocatshome · 13/10/2023 07:18

LolaSmiles · 13/10/2023 07:05

phoenixrosehere
I don't think many, if any, have excused the children's behaviour.

It's entirely reasonable to think the children's parents shouldn't have them out unsupervised, the children were wrong for pestering, AND that the OP was being unreasonable.

All this "but what about the neighborhood" misses the point that in the neighbourhoods that people are conjuring up to justify an adult threatening to use a dog as a weapon against some children, that's probably exactly the sort of action that is going to either escalate the situation in the moment or prompt further conflict after the event.

The OP should have been the adult in the room, not threatening children that they'll be sorry when she lets the dog out at them.

Exactly. If you truly live in a neighbourhood where the 8 year olds are so scary you have to threaten them with violence imagine what would happen when they tell their older siblings or parents?

OPs DH lives in the same neighbourhood and even he thinks she was unreasonable.

Dowhadiddydiddydum · 13/10/2023 07:25

That would have really freaked me out, even more so because they are so young. We’re they just silently following you 😂

I think threatening with a dog was probably OTT and maybe not sensible given the current flurry of media around dog attacks. However I can’t feel too sorry for the kids, they messed about and found out what’s happens!

Peachee · 13/10/2023 07:25

I think it would have been better to say do you mind not coming up my drive with the scary masks because it will scare my baby. Instead of rolling your eyes - however I equally get it when you have a young baby you’re in protection mode and it is instinctual.
I think YABU regarding dog but I think YANBU from protecting little one about inconsiderate children in scary masks.

Peachee · 13/10/2023 07:27

Also it’s 2 weeks until Halloween! What the heck is going on!!

NonMiDispiace · 13/10/2023 07:28

Good for you OP.
We had a gang of feral 6-9 year olds terrorise our small estate some years ago. They didn’t even live on this estate.
At Halloween they egged hoses, poured car oil and flour onto cars and set fire to bins amongst other things. The police eventually caught them but it didn’t stop them from doing the same in the village subsequently.
I loathe Halloween and dread it every year.

phoenixrosehere · 13/10/2023 08:00

Dowhadiddydiddydum · 13/10/2023 07:25

That would have really freaked me out, even more so because they are so young. We’re they just silently following you 😂

I think threatening with a dog was probably OTT and maybe not sensible given the current flurry of media around dog attacks. However I can’t feel too sorry for the kids, they messed about and found out what’s happens!

I think threatening with a dog was probably OTT and maybe not sensible given the current flurry of media around dog attacks. However I can’t feel too sorry for the kids, they messed about and found out what’s happens!

Agree more with this. Maybe a bit OTT but don’t feel the least bit sorry for them.

I don't think many, if any, have excused the children's behaviour.

Some saying they’re just kids in masks fooling around imo is excusing their behaviour. Fooling around does not mean ignoring being told to leave someone’s property and following them.

WeighDownOnMeStayTillMorning · 13/10/2023 08:29

ObsidianGrape · 13/10/2023 05:54

Yanbu. If it was my child when she was 2, she would have been so scared. If the boys intentions were to scare your 2 year old, then they deserved it.

It's good for some fear to be put in them and face some repercussions for their actions. It's all this babying of children that is ridiculous. Kids need to learn right from wrong. They won't learn anything if they don't face the consequences of their actions. Let's hope they learn from this and don't do it again to someone else that might actually let dangerous dogs on them etc.

You can't 'baby' children, but you can set a dog on an 8 year old if it scares a 2 year old.

Got it.

Original poster
beakerclub · 13/10/2023 09:48

I didn't literally set a dog on them though did I. I didn't release Cujo.

I said they needed to get off my property before I let my dog out. And they did.

If you're going to go onto someone's property after being asked to leave with the intention of intimidating the people who live there (like my toddler) then sometimes you may come across a dog who also lives there.

OP posts: