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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was teacher being unreasonable?

30 replies

Harvest123 · 12/10/2023 14:52

This isn't my AIBU it's my Dsis. I'm a bit torn about what I think so seeing what others think?

Dsis is looking at primary schools atm. She looked at one a few days ago. The teacher said to stay behind if people had questions and she went around to each person to answer their questions. My Dsis was last and had a lady before her speaking to the teacher. Dsis said the lady was bitching to the teacher about another person and the teacher was joining in and bitching back. Dsis said she was waiting ages so so in the end started walking off and the teacher said oh do you not have any questions. My Dsis walked off and said no.

Dsis put on a loc group asking for recommendations for local schools as she was not impressed with this particular school. In the comments she told someone what had happened with the teacher bitching. She then received an email from the headteacher saying they had asked the local page to take her post down but they haven't yet and they suggest she removes the post immediately.

I mean the teacher was unprofessional and shouldn't have done what they did. Also I believe you have the right to speak freely if its the truth. And I do feel the headteacher was a bit rude to Dsis. However I'm not sure Dsis should have included the part about the teacher on the page. So what do others think? 9

OP posts:
ToootTooot · 12/10/2023 14:56

I've worked in schools where the staff talk negatively about the parents all of the time. It's a horrible situation.

However, your sister posting this to a social media page is madness! Her child hasn't even started any school yet and she's burning bridges all over the place. Schools have relationships with one another you know! Our school is in a 'cluster' with the other primary schools in the area and we share information and resources with one another.

Aquamarine1029 · 12/10/2023 14:59

Your sister is a shit-stirring twat. I honestly can't stand people who post things like this on Facebook, as though they're preforming a great service to the community. Your sister only served to make herself look like a catty dingbat.

Debini · 12/10/2023 15:01

I hate it when people bash the local schools on Facebook. It does no good to anyone least, staff have enough to put up with without having to endure a bashing on social media.

EvilElsa · 12/10/2023 15:05

She was an idiot to post it on Facebook -why on earth didn't she email or speak to the head if she had any concerns? Probably because it wouldn't get any "likes"?

User56785 · 12/10/2023 15:15

Also I believe you have the right to speak freely if it's the truth.

Great.

What is the name of the Facebook page she posted on because I'd like to speak freely on there about your sister.

Mothership4two · 12/10/2023 15:15

I'm not sure exactly what the AIBU vote is for. @Harvest123 is against Dsis actions of using social media?

Fine for her to discuss with friends and family - it is about her opinion of the school,- but not on social media. I hope the teacher got a metaphorical kick up the bum.

I have had a situation where a teacher gossiped about me to another parent. It was something petty and insignificant, but I was shocked at them both. I thought that parent was a friend - she obviously wasn't and I have kept her at arms length ever since. It was unpleasant and I then had a frosty relationship with that teacher for another two terms. Horrible and unprofessional.

rainbowstardrops · 12/10/2023 15:16

Why on earth didn't she just email the headteacher?
And you're only getting her version of the 'bitching'
What was the teacher supposedly bitching about and why didn't your sister stay to address her concerns?

SnowdaySewday · 12/10/2023 15:16

Your DSis should bear in mind that (unless she is looking at independent schools) when she completes the school application process, she is stating her preferences, not making a choice.

If her preferred schools are over-subscribed, she will be given a place at the nearest school with places available, which might just be one that she has been criticising…

PollyPut · 12/10/2023 15:18

What your DSIS did amounts to bullying of the teacher, especially if they named the teacher in an online forum. Totally inappropriate

savoycabbage · 12/10/2023 15:19

When my dc started school I tried to fly under the radar for as long as possible so that if there was something I wanted to complain about it was listened to. In my case I wanted the epipen policy reviewed.

Every school in the while area is going to be wary of your sister now.

Hopefully she wasn't after a positive relationship with her child's school. One where she comes in and helps out when they are making bread of going on a trip.

Allcalm · 12/10/2023 15:21

Overheard teacher bitching one on one, so bitched about the teacher to everyone on a public facebook page. She really lost the moral high ground quickly there.

Allcalm · 12/10/2023 15:27

Also, rather than being rude, I expect headteacher was acting out of duty-of-care to one of her staff. Teachers are actually humans with real lives outside of school. Did you sister give any thought at all to the impact on that teacher? Publicly named and shamed for a fairly minor error.

Helpmepleaseimbusy · 12/10/2023 15:29

I'm going to go against the grain here and say I think it's fine. It's her experience of the school, and as long as she didn't mention the teachers name, then I don't see a problem. The school can easily respond to the group and try and work things out. Like on a Google review.
I think those of you calling OPs sis names are massive unreasonable and very childish. No need to make it personal

Original poster
Harvest123 · 12/10/2023 15:59

Dsis did not personally name the teacher and what happened wasn't in the main post. It was in reply to another person.

What's the difference between asking for recommendations of schools and a restaurant and then giving feedback on a bad experience to warn off others?

OP posts:
Mothership4two · 12/10/2023 16:08

Dsis did not personally name the teacher and what happened wasn't in the main post. It was in reply to another person.

Well that puts a slightly different shine on it OP. No names given and it was a side comment. However, it would probably something I would discuss privately and not on Facebook

Bluevelvetsofa · 12/10/2023 16:09

I’m assuming your sister won’t be putting this school as a preference.

TheLongGloriesOfTheWinterMoon · 12/10/2023 16:12

Harvest123 · 12/10/2023 15:59

Dsis did not personally name the teacher and what happened wasn't in the main post. It was in reply to another person.

What's the difference between asking for recommendations of schools and a restaurant and then giving feedback on a bad experience to warn off others?

Then how was it traced back to the event described?

Your sister is, frankly, an utter fool and the school has dodged a bullet.

sprigatito · 12/10/2023 16:12

I think it's outrageous that the headteacher felt entitled to police the social media activities of a private citizen. She has no authority whatsoever over your sister. I think school leaders sometimes forget that the wider world isn't part of their little fiefdom. I would have told her it was none of her business.

Original poster
Harvest123 · 12/10/2023 16:17

TheLongGloriesOfTheWinterMoon · 12/10/2023 16:12

Then how was it traced back to the event described?

Your sister is, frankly, an utter fool and the school has dodged a bullet.

Show quote history

I don't know. I actually remember seeing it and not clocking my Dsis had wrote it and then she messaged me later about it. I'm guessing someone on the page told the school and they spoke to the teacher who then told them who my Dsis was

OP posts:
YellowDots · 12/10/2023 16:25

What's the difference between asking for recommendations of schools and a restaurant and then giving feedback on a bad experience to warn off others?

The difference is that you don't have to have a relationship with anyone at that restaurant for seven years. You don't have to send your child alone to that restaurant every day for seven years or speak to someone at that restaurant when your child bumps their head.

Other people in the area you live in don't have strong feelings about the restaurant. People who have children already at that school do the at some woman slagging off the school that their children go to.

And you might think that her child isn't going to go to that so, but there is no guarantee of that unless she goes private and regardless someone from the other schools will have seen the posts anyway. It will be the talk of all the staff rooms!

QuilBill · 12/10/2023 16:29

sprigatito · 12/10/2023 16:12

I think it's outrageous that the headteacher felt entitled to police the social media activities of a private citizen. She has no authority whatsoever over your sister. I think school leaders sometimes forget that the wider world isn't part of their little fiefdom. I would have told her it was none of her business.

It's practically part of SLTs job descriptions now to try and qualm social media spats. Probably one of the current parents went to the head. Or a TA who lives in the area.

The head is trying to protect her staff from being attacked on social media.

rainbowstardrops · 12/10/2023 16:58

Harvest123 · 12/10/2023 15:59

Dsis did not personally name the teacher and what happened wasn't in the main post. It was in reply to another person.

What's the difference between asking for recommendations of schools and a restaurant and then giving feedback on a bad experience to warn off others?

But she's not basing her recommendation on a meal she's eaten, she's basing it on what she heard/thought she heard and didn't even bother to stay to address her concerns with the teacher!!!!
So she's basically dissed a whole school on one experience on social media, when she knows absolutely nothing about the school.
I'd say the school has dodged a bullet here

Bearbookagainandagain · 12/10/2023 17:05

Responses to this thread are very odd to me (and very extreme as well!). So someone having a bad experience in a school can't share it on local Facebook groups? Parents can't share their honest opinion of the school by fear of retaliation by teachers? (or most likely other parents if we believe this thread!)

This place is so weird...

The teacher was rude and unprofessional, she should have known better. No name were mentioned, it wasn't a post bashing the school but just asking for recommendations.

BerriesNutsConkers · 12/10/2023 17:21

Posting the details on social media was not the right way to address the situation. She should have either said something at the time it happened or contacted the head.

1willgetthere · 12/10/2023 17:55

The difference in a school and restaurant is the importance , I may risk the chance I may have a less than satisfactory meal but I wouldn't like to take the same risk with my child's wellbeing.

Negative posts about a school can make other parents mistrust the teachers looking after their children and impact their relationship with the school making the staffs jobs harder.