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AIBU?

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Original poster

Postpartum body comments from DP

40 replies

Username1233 · 10/10/2023 18:13

I've recently stopped breastfeeding so aware my hormones are everywhere at the moment. I'm unsure if I'm being unreasonable and extra sensitive or DP has been hurtful/inappropriate with his comments. We have been together 10 years, 2 DC, I am 4 months postpartum.

I have always found myself to be body conscious anyway, I thought this was due to my own insecurities but now I'm wondering if it's comments like my DP has recently made, chipping away at my confidence over the past 10 years.

For context, I have been working out, have lost a lot of my pregnancy weight (and more), now weighing 8 stone 7. I have felt a real pressure to "bounce back".

"I'm secretly so happy you have lost the baby weight and haven't let yourself go"

And todays comment, the most hurtful one to date

"oh my goodness your boobs are so tiny now" (said in a playful/joke like manner).

aibu to think both comments are offensive and completely unnecessary?! The second one was said in a jokey way, but it's true. And before I sit him down to have a chat about just how hurt I am, I need to check in that I'm not just being overally emotionally and sensitive!

OP posts:
Original poster
Username1233 · 10/10/2023 18:13

Both comments were made in the space of two days by the way. And other small comments have been made, but they haven't hurt me like the two above.

OP posts:
RavenT · 10/10/2023 18:14

You are not overreacting. Tell him to FO.

mycatsanutter · 10/10/2023 18:17

I would be fuming , inconsiderate twat . Sorry he was so horrible to you .

Nanny0gg · 10/10/2023 18:17

RavenT · 10/10/2023 18:14

You are not overreacting. Tell him to FO.

^^This

He's a pig

Has he the body of an Adonis? (Bearing in mind he hasn't carried and birthed a baby)

booksandbeans · 10/10/2023 18:17

It’s not you, it’s him. Tell him to FO & grow up.

Original poster
Username1233 · 10/10/2023 18:18

@RavenT Thanks. I feel that after the whole ordeal of pregnancy, and all those changes, he has absolutely to right to say the things he has. He shouldn't even have an expectation for me even to be loosing the baby weight yet. I guess I was hoping he would say "don't worry about the gym, don't worry about calorie counting, you're perfect the way you are". How silly of me 🙃

OP posts:
Hatty65 · 10/10/2023 18:19

"oh my goodness your boobs are so tiny now" (said in a playful/joke like manner).

They match your dick! And your brain!

Presumably that would have gone down well, no?

PermanentTemporary · 10/10/2023 18:19

If he's 'secretly' happy, that would involve him not saying anything.

Coffeerum · 10/10/2023 18:22

I guess I was hoping he would say "don't worry about the gym, don't worry about calorie counting, you're perfect the way you are". How silly of me 🙃

I actually think that’s more offensive and unnecessary than what he actually said as it implies you would only be doing it for him, not yourself and you’re waiting on his permission to stop.

Octobermeterreadtime · 10/10/2023 18:23

Next time you see him naked ask him if his penis has shrunk..

FOJN · 10/10/2023 18:24

"I'm secretly so happy you have lost the baby weight and haven't let yourself go"

The notion of a woman "letting herself go" after carrying and delivering a whole new human is deeply misogynistic.

I wouldn't attempt to be gentle when I told him he was an arsehole.

doyouwanticewiththat · 10/10/2023 18:25

It's taken me years to realise ( and my two adult DDs pointing it out to me ) how much I have done for the 'male gaze ' .

Tell your DP to keep his comments to himself !!

Original poster
Username1233 · 10/10/2023 18:25

@FOJN Yes, couldn't have put it better myself. I feel it shows no regard or appreciation to what we have gone through. I'm so angry and disappointed in him.

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 10/10/2023 18:25

Well obviously he is exactly identical to the statue of David so ask him why his chiselled abs are no longer rock hard?

And tell him not to keep say this bollocks.

GilberMarkham · 10/10/2023 18:32

It's sad that you've felt the pressure you have to "bounce back".

Secretly means secretly ...... So you don't say it ... Stupid fucking wanker.

Boobs displace fat when feeding. They are usually small/deflated for a while and they fat migrates back and they often go back to "normal". Takes a while.

My sister's ex husband commented on hers post partum boobs (they went back to normal again after a while). Ex husband .... Because he was an unbearable abusive asshole. The dirt of person to make remarks like that.

GilberMarkham · 10/10/2023 18:34

Yeah if be giving him some shit back a out absolutely anything you can.

But ateotd he's still a shallow wanker with no discretion or perspective.

threecupsofteaminimum · 10/10/2023 18:46

He's obviously being a twat but I'd play it differently and (unless he's built like David Beckham) smile and ask him when he's gonna reciprocate with his, er, physique, heheheee. Ps, bravo on losing it, I hope you feel better soon.

Sapphire387 · 10/10/2023 18:50

I don't think I would have sex with my husband again if he had made comments like that.

CutiePatooties · 10/10/2023 18:50

FOJN · 10/10/2023 18:24

"I'm secretly so happy you have lost the baby weight and haven't let yourself go"

The notion of a woman "letting herself go" after carrying and delivering a whole new human is deeply misogynistic.

I wouldn't attempt to be gentle when I told him he was an arsehole.

Couldn’t have put it better myself.

Thelaundryfairyhasbeenassassinated · 10/10/2023 19:02

My baby is a few months older than yours. Am still breastfeeding and I can't imagine going to the gym and calories counting. Far to tired and hungry for that! It's amazing to go to the gym if it was for your own mental and physical wellbeing but it sounds like it was to please him. You grew and fed his children from your body that is incredible and he should let you know how bloody marvellous you are.

He is a total dick for his comments. Not sure if this is your first time breastfeeding but your boobs will fill out again. At least that was my experience and my extended breastfeeding support page experiences. I say this for you of course. Not him.

Oldthyme · 10/10/2023 19:05

Hatty65 · 10/10/2023 18:19

"oh my goodness your boobs are so tiny now" (said in a playful/joke like manner).

They match your dick! And your brain!

Presumably that would have gone down well, no?

This!

As he ages, if you’re still with him, his block and tackle will probably shrink.
Save your ire for then. Tuck it up your sleeve. Revenge is sweet.

sistermichaelseyeroll · 10/10/2023 19:27

PermanentTemporary · 10/10/2023 18:19

If he's 'secretly' happy, that would involve him not saying anything.

This. He could easily have had this thought and kept it to himself, but he chose to verbalise it because he wants you to know that he has expectations for you to stay slim going forward.

YANBU to be upset, OP. He sounds like a misogynistic twat.

HoisttheMainSail · 10/10/2023 19:33

I cannot imagine being saddled with such a wanker.

You do know that loving and supportive partners don’t treat the person they love like that? Especially if they have just gone through the biggest/ swiftest biological rollercoaster a human can go through barring trauma. (And it can be pretty traumatic.)

I would tell him to fuck off, and I would seriously be considering my future with such an unthinking fuckwit.

airforsharon · 10/10/2023 19:41

FOJN · 10/10/2023 18:24

"I'm secretly so happy you have lost the baby weight and haven't let yourself go"

The notion of a woman "letting herself go" after carrying and delivering a whole new human is deeply misogynistic.

I wouldn't attempt to be gentle when I told him he was an arsehole.

This.
The only opinion he should have on your body is gratitude and respect that you nurtured & birthed your child, an incredible thing that still carries considerable risks. And he's chuntering on about the size of your boobs? 🙄 What a gent.

Maray1967 · 10/10/2023 19:51

Vile, just vile. He needs to be reminded what matters.

And yes, he deserves to receive some unflattering comments about parts of his anatomy.

And yes, he needs to be told that if he wants any kind of sex life he needs to take a long look at himself.

Basically give him the bollocking he deserves.