Page 2 | Introverts vs Extroverts

OnlyFannys · 09/10/2023 23:44

I'm am introvert and I also suffer from crippling social anxiety and have low self esteem so sometimes I forget that not all introverts are also shy, maybe the op is like me 😁

VeronicaSawyer89 · 10/10/2023 00:07

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

What?

SecondClassReturnToDottinghamPlease · 10/10/2023 00:14

To be fair, I am a massive introvert and also lack self-confidence. It's taken me a long time to separate the two. Probably because I've spent my life befriending extroverts and then hiding behind them, then berating myself for not being as confident and outgoing as they are. I've now got a lovely introverted DP and friends and feel much more comfortable with myself.

Vintagecreamandcottagepie · 10/10/2023 00:29

I am socially confident, chatty, find it very easy to make friends. However, I an utterly drained by seeing people.

I need hours on my own afterwards to recover and rest.

My husband is socially awkward and struggles with people, yet loves being around them. Never needs alone time.

I think,contrary to appearances, that I'm the introvert and he's the extrovert.

Just like pp said.

(Also- chow and middle finger😂Classy)

DysmalRadius · 10/10/2023 00:37

I assume there's an army of people like me who sometimes find others energising and sometimes need to be alone to recharge. Ambiverts unite!!!

HeatherMoores · 10/10/2023 00:49

I think what you describe OP can have an impact on someone’s personality long term yes.

But current thinking/ research is that the personality trait introversion/ extraversion is very influenced by genetics. The level of I/E can be seen there from babyhood.

momtoboys · 10/10/2023 00:56

I am not shy. I do somewhat lack confidence but not so it hinders my life. I am very much an introvert. Married to an extreme extrovert. If I could I would never leave my house except to work.

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/10/2023 01:04

What you're calling introvert and extrovert are actually other character rants; slow approach and fast approach. Some people are happy to rush into situations, both social and not, without a lot of build up. Others struggle with transitions and hang back. They are very consistent traits over people's lives, not influenced by being knocked.

I think what does take a beating is self-esteem. Inner voice. That's installed not hard-weird. What parents, friends, peers, partners and other say forms a great deal of that.

And all the arseholes on this thread laughing at OP are doing an excellent job of demonstrating how.

Warum · 10/10/2023 05:27

YABVU.
Maybe do some reading up on introversion and extroversion, then rethink what you've just written.

Bluetrue · 10/10/2023 06:42

TigerQueenie · 09/10/2023 23:07

I think you need to educate yourself before throwing around weird judgements.

I'm a very confident introvert and most certainly not afraid to say what I think (though I can use my judgement on whether it may or may not be appropriate to do so).

Simon Sinek summed it up perfectly for me. Everyone starts every day with 10 energies. Extroverts gain extra energies from social interactions, whilst introverts lose energies from social interactions. It doesn't mean we aren't confident or that we don't like people or socialising. It's that we don't thrive upon it.

Thanks for that quote.

I am not young but only now realised that I am actually an introvert, but if you ask anyone that knows me they will tell you I am the life and soul of a party. At this age, its draining. Very very draining.

BettyPhuckzer · 10/10/2023 06:46

tiersta · 09/10/2023 22:59

Food for thought.

AIBU to think you are only going to be an introvert if you have had your confidence knocked continuously? By one person or multiple.

Why else would you worry about saying things you want to say?

Speaking how you feel...

Surely you would be an extrovert if you hadn't been shut down in the past?

I'd agree with this for me. I think I'm an enforced introvert. Because of bullying at school etc

Warum · 10/10/2023 06:50

BettyPhuckzer · 10/10/2023 06:46

I'd agree with this for me. I think I'm an enforced introvert. Because of bullying at school etc

Show quote history

Introversion or extroversion is nore about how you gain energy/recharge.
It's possible you already had introvert tendencies but that the bullying has also affected your self confidence, ability to trust etc.

Parakeetamol · 10/10/2023 06:50

If you follow a trait rather than type based conceptual model of personality then introversion and extroversion are just on a scale. You can be in the middle. The facets of extraversion can help you understand your personality better, you may have some high ones and some low ones.

But what you're speaking about is self efficacy and self esteem. They're more core self evaluations and yes can be 'knocked'.

Warum · 10/10/2023 06:52

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/10/2023 01:04

What you're calling introvert and extrovert are actually other character rants; slow approach and fast approach. Some people are happy to rush into situations, both social and not, without a lot of build up. Others struggle with transitions and hang back. They are very consistent traits over people's lives, not influenced by being knocked.

I think what does take a beating is self-esteem. Inner voice. That's installed not hard-weird. What parents, friends, peers, partners and other say forms a great deal of that.

And all the arseholes on this thread laughing at OP are doing an excellent job of demonstrating how.

I'm not laughing at OP, but I do think she doesn't really understand what introversion and extroversion means, or at least her wording suggests that to be the case.

Splitscreened · 10/10/2023 06:53

FOJN · 09/10/2023 23:01

It's helps if you understand what introvert and extrovert mean. Being an introvert does not mean you are shy or lack confidence, its often quite the opposite.

Extroverts are energised by company. Introverts are recharged by solitude.

Exactly. The continual misuse of both terms on here is maddening.

I am a socially-confident, sociable person who loves company and enjoys friendships, and talks to hundreds of people at a time daily as part of my job. I am also an introvert who needs significant time alone to recharge to compensate. I am not ‘quiet’, shy, or socially-awkward, and I enjoy other people — it just doesn’t recharge me, so I need solitude for that.

As it happens, I had a dreadful, impoverished childhood with a lot of knockbacks, SA and some fairly bad parenting and was an underconfident child, but you can move on from those childhood scripts.

DivergentTris · 10/10/2023 06:54

I'm not shy, I'm confident and I'm introverted. I can manage perfectly well and comfortably in social situations and actually like people but I prefer my own company, I love silence and solitude (and can thrive in it), and prefer doing things on my own as I enjoy the activity more when I can focus on it and I'm not distracted by social interaction, which, again, I do like but just prefer in small doses where I can concentrate solely on the person/people I'm with.
Hope that makes sense.

I feel your thoughts on introverts make them sound weak, that's definitely not the case at all. You can still be introverted but have a lot of strength and resilience to deal with people shutting you down, believe me, I'm known for it! Being extroverted could actually mask a lot of issues and people may not end up seeing the turmoil you're going through, so which way you lie is irrelevant, to be honest. Both sides of the scale could have their confidence knocked, but they would deal with it in very different ways.

Warum · 10/10/2023 06:57

@DivergentTris very relatable. 👏

Bobby80 · 10/10/2023 07:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

It’s “ciao” unless you are meaning the breed of dog?

Willyoujustbequiet · 10/10/2023 07:39

Has it never occurred to you that there may be other obvious explanations?

Autism for example or other conditions that can affect social interaction?

Bugger all to do with confidence.

cherrypeachparfait · 10/10/2023 08:03

I’ve always thought it’s very simplistic to try and divide people into camps like this. The quality of the company makes a big difference to whether I gain energy or not from it. I think introvert / extrovert is actually nonsense and people will look back on this idea as basic and wrong

Tumbleweed101 · 10/10/2023 08:33

I'm a natural introvert and enjoy time by myself to recharge. However I was also bullied quite a bit at school for my quieter traits and that has affected my confidence in large groups of people in particular. Sometimes it can be hard separate what my natural tendencies are and what might be because of the bullying.

SilentNightDancer · 10/10/2023 08:53

Gosh, this is all a bit 2015, isn't it? Where everyone falls over themselves to explain how introverted they are and send links to Susan Cain's TED talk?

Anyway, introversion/extraversion is a spectrum and most people fall somewhere between the two extremes.

In other words, we're all ambiverts.

Catsmere · 10/10/2023 09:18

DysmalRadius · 10/10/2023 00:37

I assume there's an army of people like me who sometimes find others energising and sometimes need to be alone to recharge. Ambiverts unite!!!

Ambiverts, I love it! That's me.

Splitscreened · 10/10/2023 10:46

SilentNightDancer · 10/10/2023 08:53

Gosh, this is all a bit 2015, isn't it? Where everyone falls over themselves to explain how introverted they are and send links to Susan Cain's TED talk?

Anyway, introversion/extraversion is a spectrum and most people fall somewhere between the two extremes.

In other words, we're all ambiverts.

I imagine Susan Cain is lying down in a basement saying ‘Why? WHY?’, as her perfectly reasonable main message has, on Mn, mostly been twisted to justify having zero social skills and making no effort to work on them despite it causing significant personal and professional problems, or total ‘wedding invitations are an infringement of my human rights, as is a ring at the doorbell’ misanthropy.

cherrypeachparfait · 10/10/2023 10:49

SilentNightDancer · 10/10/2023 08:53

Gosh, this is all a bit 2015, isn't it? Where everyone falls over themselves to explain how introverted they are and send links to Susan Cain's TED talk?

Anyway, introversion/extraversion is a spectrum and most people fall somewhere between the two extremes.

In other words, we're all ambiverts.

If we are all ambiverts then the whole thing is a nonsense. Which I think it is