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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Attention seeker child

47 replies

Honeybu · 09/10/2023 18:23

My 7 and 6 year old drive me crazy sometimes especially when I have visitors. When I have visitors they constantly go to the visitors showing their toys, drawing talking to them to a point I can’t have conversations with the visitors, it will be all about them. Is this normal or am I been unreasonable with the kids. I’m a single parent

OP posts:

Name99 · 09/10/2023 18:25

Really?

TeaKitten · 09/10/2023 18:25

YABU, this is normal kid stuff. Why wouldn’t they want to talk to visitors to their home? After a while send them to go and play in their room for a bit or whatever. But your attitude towards them here is UR

Autumnleaves89 · 09/10/2023 18:25

It is quite normal especially if you have confident, chatty kids. You’re not being unreasonable though, it can be annoying! Especially as you’re a single mum, I’d imagine you look forward to that adult conversation. I would give the kids maybe ten/15 mins with your visitor, let them chat and show toys etc then direct them away to play.

Tribevibes · 09/10/2023 18:26

Oh they sound sweet. Mine did that, it was never a problem. My visitors were happy to chat away. After about half hour or so I would simply tell them to go and play so we could chat more in peace.

CaughtUpInYourWishingWell · 09/10/2023 18:27

I have three kids, 6 and under. They don't do this.

"DS, if you don't stop, I'll be taking away a toy. This is mummy's friend here to see me. Go and watch TV now please."

I think you'll need to be quite strict on it and follow through.

What would happen if you set them up with popcorn and a film on another room?

TeaKitten · 09/10/2023 18:30

CaughtUpInYourWishingWell · 09/10/2023 18:27

I have three kids, 6 and under. They don't do this.

"DS, if you don't stop, I'll be taking away a toy. This is mummy's friend here to see me. Go and watch TV now please."

I think you'll need to be quite strict on it and follow through.

What would happen if you set them up with popcorn and a film on another room?

That’s really quite horrible, especially when your children are all under 6. Atleast one of them must be a toddler and they aren’t allowed to interact with your guests? Just go and watch tv or be punished. Nice!

RangleDrang · 09/10/2023 18:30

Jeez, take away a toy because they want to talk to an adult? Your kid is going to have some weird social anxiety when they grow up @CaughtUpInYourWishingWell

Like someone else said, I'd let them get all thier chatter out for 15 minutes whilst i made a cup of tea or whatever and then usual my kids move on to something else engrossing.

How do you approach the situation at the moment OP?

43ontherocksporfavor · 09/10/2023 18:33

My chn were quite shy of visitors so I’d be encouraging them to say hello and that’s all. If they had been keeping the visitor’s attention the whole time I’d be teaching them not to. “ Play with your toys now so mummy and friend can have a chat.”

43ontherocksporfavor · 09/10/2023 18:34

@Tribevibes half an hour??? Dear god!!

Catza · 09/10/2023 18:34

They are not attention seekers, they are just friendly and confident kids by the sound of it. Your reaction is a little concerning though. It must be really difficult to be a single mum wanting some adult company but your kids are in their own home so it's not really just your guests but theirs too. It's good to teach them about social cues in a gentle way but being annoyed at them for interacting with adults is definitely unreasonable.

CaughtUpInYourWishingWell · 09/10/2023 18:35

@TeaKitten I don't need to take my kids toys away, they don't harass me when we have company.

OPs children are 6 and 7, plenty old enough to follow instruction and listen to their mum when she says she wants adult time and to go and play.

Do you not uphold any boundaries in your household?

Original poster

Honeybu · 09/10/2023 18:35

At the moment I subtly say go and play and they go sometimes and come back 2 mins later or they just ignore me and start another topic. This afternoon they brought their activity box and start creating some lovely poster which my guest seem to enjoy.

OP posts:

43ontherocksporfavor · 09/10/2023 18:37

Explain before visitors arrive that they can show one toy then it’s adult time. Make sure the chn have something else to focus on like a film . Otherwise ask friends to come over when they are in bed.

CaughtUpInYourWishingWell · 09/10/2023 18:37

@RangleDrang did you read the OP?

The children don't want to speak to the friend. They want to stop their mum and the friend from having any time to talk. They are dominating the situation and not allowing mum to have anytime.

Wanting to talk to a guest for 10 mins - normal.

Wanting to talk to them the whole time they're there and not letting mum have any time with them? Not normal at all for that age.

CaughtUpInYourWishingWell · 09/10/2023 18:38

@Honeybu do they talk to you non-stop normally, or is this about the guest?

TeaKitten · 09/10/2023 18:38

CaughtUpInYourWishingWell · 09/10/2023 18:35

@TeaKitten I don't need to take my kids toys away, they don't harass me when we have company.

OPs children are 6 and 7, plenty old enough to follow instruction and listen to their mum when she says she wants adult time and to go and play.

Do you not uphold any boundaries in your household?

Yes of course. My kids can say hello and chat to guests in their home and then go off to play. Your children are under 6, they wouldn’t be ‘harassing’ you anyway. Expecting them to go away and quiet as soon as you have guests when they are that small does not make you a superior parent.

AprilMayBeJune · 09/10/2023 18:41

I don't need to take my kids toys away, they don't harass me when we have company.
Presumably because they’ve already learned they’ll be punished if they don’t make themselves scarce.

I mean, you did say "DS, if you don't stop, I'll be taking away a toy. This is mummy's friend here to see me. Go and watch TV now please."

CaughtUpInYourWishingWell · 09/10/2023 18:42

@TeaKitten so your children do go off and play?

Well, OPs don't. They give her no time to catch up with her guest. As a single mum she needs adult time too.

You're talking crap teakitten, who even said I'm a superior parent?!

StarDolphins · 09/10/2023 18:43

I absolutely love it when I go to my friends & her DD is showing me stuff & telling me stuff (usually secrets🤣).

morag1234 · 09/10/2023 18:44

My eldest is like this (she's 6). I find it absolutely infuriating.

It's not just joining in and being sociable. That wouldn't be a problem. It's the way she will literally interrupt me mid conversation and will do this until the person leaves. At times, she will actually jump up and down in front of me so that I can't see the person I'm talking to. She will draw attention to herself, dance, sing, shout really loudly, try and show off by telling stories.

I completely understand where you are coming from. I don't have a solution though. I am now really firm when I say "Mummy is talking", but to be honest she doesn't give a flying fart. She's such a strong personality.

Hopefully someone will have some advice for the both of us on here!!

CaughtUpInYourWishingWell · 09/10/2023 18:47

@AprilMayBeJune there's nothing wrong with having boundaries and expectations. Parents don't have to do exactly as children want all the time.

And yes, there are punishments when my kids don't listen. They have a million toys, taking one away isn't going to hurt them. But it does make them realise that I'm serious when I have instructions.

I'm happy with my parenting. My kids are happy, polite and smart. I'm proud of them and I maintain boundaries 😁

QueenofTerrasen · 09/10/2023 18:49

CaughtUpInYourWishingWell · 09/10/2023 18:27

I have three kids, 6 and under. They don't do this.

"DS, if you don't stop, I'll be taking away a toy. This is mummy's friend here to see me. Go and watch TV now please."

I think you'll need to be quite strict on it and follow through.

What would happen if you set them up with popcorn and a film on another room?

That is beyond over the top - absolutely horrible. Poor bloody kids!

TeaKitten · 09/10/2023 18:52

CaughtUpInYourWishingWell · 09/10/2023 18:42

@TeaKitten so your children do go off and play?

Well, OPs don't. They give her no time to catch up with her guest. As a single mum she needs adult time too.

You're talking crap teakitten, who even said I'm a superior parent?!

It was you implying that your children under 6 don’t talk to your guests, they get told to go away and watch tv or be punished. You are talking crap. My post to the OP clearly said the kids should be allowed to chat and then sent away to play. Yours just said your kids don’t talk to your guests because you have boundaries. If you missed out the step were you allow them to chat for a few mins before going off to play then that’s your own fault, it totally changed the sound of your post.

QueenofTerrasen · 09/10/2023 18:53

@CaughtUpInYourWishingWell
The visitor is a guest in your child's home. Why on earth should they have to go elsewhere? It's their home too. Yes, of course it's acceptable to have boundaries. But enforcing punishment over behaviour that is completely normal is a weird power play. If you want silent 1-1 time with a friend, meet them without the children. You can't expect kids to stop being kids whenever you decide.

Bearcub101 · 09/10/2023 18:53

Children learn by behaviour they see. Show your children how to behave. Model good behaviour. They are still learning social cues at that age. Allow them to speak, then tell them it’s mummy’s time to speak. Keep
repeating. They’ll soon learn how it works!

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