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CaughtUpInYourWishingWell · 09/10/2023 18:53

@QueenofTerrasen which kids are poor?

Mine don't harass me in company. My advice was for OP who's kids are 6 and 7 - plenty old enough to know better.

I was simply highlighting that it isn't normal (and in our household would be considered rude).

They aren't wanting to speak with the guest the whole time, I suspect they don't want their mum to. They're used to having her all to themselves. Despite her probably desperate for 20 mins adults chat.

Mum is asking the kids to go play for a while so mum can have a social life. They're not listening. Consequences are needed.

AngryGreasedSantaCatcus · 09/10/2023 18:54

Prepare an activity(movie and popcorn, favourite tv show, tablets, painting , something in the garden, lego building etc) for them in advance and hype them up for it so they look forward to it. When the guest comes, give them 10/15 minutes to catch up with the guest then remind them of their plans and send them off. If they're making something tell them you and guest will pop in in an hour to see what they made.

Do your guests encourage the interactions/ask questions/ show interest/happily chat with them? That can make it a lot trickier.

MidnightOnceMore · 09/10/2023 18:54

I think this is entirely normal. I'd give the first 20-30 mins to chatting/playing all together then set them up with a TV programme and a nice drink while you and your friend chat.

I always found if you pretend you want them to stay they decide they want to do something else! Basically like cats.

CaughtUpInYourWishingWell · 09/10/2023 18:55

@QueenofTerrasen No. The home is everyone's home.

OP hasn't got a problem with them playing with the guest for a while. She DOES have a problem with being left with no time to talk because the kids won't leave them alone. There's a difference.

You don't need to surrender your life to your kids. You're a family. Everyone needs to be happy. Kids talk, of course, but after a while, it's mum's turn and they need to listen and go and play.

You're over dramatising and misinterpreting what I'm saying.

QueenofTerrasen · 09/10/2023 18:57

CaughtUpInYourWishingWell · 09/10/2023 18:55

@QueenofTerrasen No. The home is everyone's home.

OP hasn't got a problem with them playing with the guest for a while. She DOES have a problem with being left with no time to talk because the kids won't leave them alone. There's a difference.

You don't need to surrender your life to your kids. You're a family. Everyone needs to be happy. Kids talk, of course, but after a while, it's mum's turn and they need to listen and go and play.

You're over dramatising and misinterpreting what I'm saying.

If you say so.

TeaKitten · 09/10/2023 18:59

CaughtUpInYourWishingWell · 09/10/2023 18:55

@QueenofTerrasen No. The home is everyone's home.

OP hasn't got a problem with them playing with the guest for a while. She DOES have a problem with being left with no time to talk because the kids won't leave them alone. There's a difference.

You don't need to surrender your life to your kids. You're a family. Everyone needs to be happy. Kids talk, of course, but after a while, it's mum's turn and they need to listen and go and play.

You're over dramatising and misinterpreting what I'm saying.

No, your first post was poorly written, or deliberately inflammatory. The rest of us are saying the same thing as you, that kids should say hello etc, and then go play. You implied that you don’t allow them to chat to guests at all.

ShutTheDoorBabe · 09/10/2023 19:04

Yea my dc can be like that sometimes and it can be annoying. I do what you do op and send them away after a while because I am allowed visitors too. I don't take over their conversations with their friends. I think it is normal with chatty children who are comfortable with the visitor.

CaughtUpInYourWishingWell · 09/10/2023 19:05

@TeaKitten no it didn't. OP wasn't asking about kids chatting for 10 minutes. She is upset that she never gets a chance to talk to her guests. So that's obviously what I was talking about. You know, responding to the actual situation in the post?

Why would I suggest they can't talk at all? Where did I say that?

Tribevibes · 09/10/2023 19:07

@43ontherocksporfavor

Yes half an hour and then they would go and play. My visitors liked chatting to my kids??? Not sure what’s so strange about that. If they didn’t like my kids they wouldn’t be in my house, simple. They went off and played after a bit. My “kids” are teenagers now and they still talk away to my friends and to teachers/grown ups etc.

When I go round my friends houses I love having a little chat to their children.

TeaKitten · 09/10/2023 19:09

CaughtUpInYourWishingWell · 09/10/2023 19:05

@TeaKitten no it didn't. OP wasn't asking about kids chatting for 10 minutes. She is upset that she never gets a chance to talk to her guests. So that's obviously what I was talking about. You know, responding to the actual situation in the post?

Why would I suggest they can't talk at all? Where did I say that?

Deliberately inflammatory it is 👍

Maray1967 · 09/10/2023 19:20

QueenofTerrasen · 09/10/2023 18:53

@CaughtUpInYourWishingWell
The visitor is a guest in your child's home. Why on earth should they have to go elsewhere? It's their home too. Yes, of course it's acceptable to have boundaries. But enforcing punishment over behaviour that is completely normal is a weird power play. If you want silent 1-1 time with a friend, meet them without the children. You can't expect kids to stop being kids whenever you decide.

Seriously? My DC were brought up to understand that if I occasionally have someone over they can chat for a few minutes but then they go and play in their own room. I never had someone over for longer than an hour. DS1 understood this fine. DS2 did not. I dealt with it by explaining beforehand what I expected - which did not always work. After one very annoying episode when he was 7, I made it clear how annoying this was by crashing his next play date. I stayed in his room and talked non stop to his friend. When he got annoyed, I took him into my bedroom and calmly explained that that was what he did when I had a friend over and that it wasn’t very nice, was it? The next time my friend came, I reminded him that he had a play date coming up soon. He never did it again.

43ontherocksporfavor · 09/10/2023 19:20

The chn in my primary class that act like this haveADHD profiles. Most chn of 6+ will wait when asked and not keep interrupting.

Goldbar · 09/10/2023 19:22

When I have a friend over that I want to chat to, I put the TV on in another room with a big bowl of popcorn on the table. Then I tell my DC that if they come in the kitchen, they can scrub the kitchen floor for me and sort socks out because it's "grown up time" and that's the sort of thing grown ups have to do. They usually choose to stay in the other room 😁.

CaughtUpInYourWishingWell · 09/10/2023 19:25

@TeaKitten if you say so 🙄

Tribevibes · 09/10/2023 19:28

@43ontherocksporfavor

You can’t seriously be a teacher? My kids spoke to my friends but when I told them to go and play, they did so. I am also a teacher and some children naturally speak a lot more to adults (surely you should know this). It does not mean they have adhd, they might simply just be more extroverted.

Deadringer · 09/10/2023 19:30

I would see it as a real positive that they are sociable and chatty. I would give them a certain amount of time to interact then I would set something up to distract them/keep them busy for a bit. If all else failed I would tell them that they have had a lovely chat with the visitors but it's mums turn now, and I would be firm about it.

HoboSexualOnslow · 09/10/2023 19:32

As a childfree guest I consider it a privilege if they want to talk to me and show me their things. I find it awkward when they're told not to. However, it is equally fair for you to need adult time and it is rude when someone interrupts repeatedly. Sorry i don't have any advice but it's nice your kids like your guests!

EveryKneeShallBow · 09/10/2023 19:42

CaughtUpInYourWishingWell · 09/10/2023 18:27

I have three kids, 6 and under. They don't do this.

"DS, if you don't stop, I'll be taking away a toy. This is mummy's friend here to see me. Go and watch TV now please."

I think you'll need to be quite strict on it and follow through.

What would happen if you set them up with popcorn and a film on another room?

Where is the option to “unthank”.? This is awful. Horrible attitude to normal childhood behaviour. Have a word with yourself.

Badleg89 · 09/10/2023 19:47

My mum did this when I was 7/8 and its a stro g negative memory I have from my childhood

I always make a fuss of kids in other people's homes to avoid them feeling the way I did.

My dd likes a lot of attention, I let her talk for a long while before kindly distracting her

Goldbar · 09/10/2023 19:48

EveryKneeShallBow · 09/10/2023 19:42

Where is the option to “unthank”.? This is awful. Horrible attitude to normal childhood behaviour. Have a word with yourself.

Edited

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I am by no means a strict parent but I do think kids ought to be able to buzz off for a bit if asked. I wouldn't phrase it exactly this way, but "Mummy and X would like some peace and quiet so you're going to have to take it upstairs" is said occasionally in our house. It doesn't seem to have punctured my DC's apparently unsquashable confidence yet.

43ontherocksporfavor · 09/10/2023 19:53

they constantly go to the visitors showing their toys, drawing talking to them to a point I can’t have conversations with the visitors, it will be all about them.
Not normal.

CaughtUpInYourWishingWell · 09/10/2023 21:07

@EveryKneeShallBow no thanks. I'm perfectly able to parent my kids appropriately. You don't seem to be able to read the OP accurately so perhaps you could start there?