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Original poster

Pamper party for 5 year olds

83 replies

Ontheclifftop · 09/10/2023 11:12

My 5 year old niece has just received an invitation to a 'pamper party' from a school friend. Apparently there will be mocktails, manicures and a make up session. My SIL thinks it's bloody ridiculous and I'm inclined to agree with her.

Are these really a thing now for very small children.

OP posts:
Figgygal · 09/10/2023 13:06

Nonsense like This is how gender stereotypes perpetuate through the generations
Yuck they're 5!!!!!!

Zzizzisnotzeproblem · 09/10/2023 13:11

I think just be busy and do something else.

Wishingwell57 · 09/10/2023 13:11

RosesAndHellebores · 09/10/2023 11:30

I think it's inappropriate on a variety of levels. Too young for make-up, idolisation of looks, precocious, stereotypes girls and women.

This. What happened to pass the parcel?

BittIeLastard · 09/10/2023 13:18

Why is it any different to playing shopkeeper, or pretending to drive a bus, or a little girl doing mummy's hair like the hairdresser does? I don't understand the issue with it, if it's not for you just say no.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 09/10/2023 13:19

Figgygal · 09/10/2023 13:06

Nonsense like This is how gender stereotypes perpetuate through the generations
Yuck they're 5!!!!!!

dresses and painting nails is only acceptable when enjoyed by boys?

Genderstereotype · 09/10/2023 13:29

Depressingly sexist unless boys are invited to get manicures etc too

DisappearingGirl · 09/10/2023 13:29

I think it's all about balance.

I'd worry about a little girl whose mum/family was always going on about looks and make-up etc, or who never got to run around and play in the mud.

However attending a one-off pamper party, for a kid who generally has a balanced set of activities and influences - I wouldn't worry about this and they would probably love it.

Motherofjessie · 09/10/2023 13:29

Think it depends on the child and what they like. At that age it won't resemble an older child or adult. DS is 5 and likes to have same as older sister but I'm cool with that.

Mischance · 09/10/2023 13:31

What message is this sending to these little girls? Tart yourself up - what you look like is important - etc. The mocktails are fun, but there is time enough for them to become looks-conscious.

Moonlightdust · 09/10/2023 13:38

Sounds like my DD’s recent party (without the makeup part) but she’s double the age. At 5 she was having a Disney Princess party!

Welcometotheocbitch · 09/10/2023 13:39

I get the negative connotations, but my own little one this age would love this so much more than a bouncy castle/softplay type party. I’d contemplate arranging something similar for her knowing how much she would enjoy it, but I don’t think it would go down too well amongst mums…

miniaturepixieonacid · 09/10/2023 13:42

I don't know, when I first read it I agreed with you and thought it was really inappropriate for that age but, after reading the comments, they don't sound that bad.

They are very stereotypically girly so I guess few boys would be interested and a lot of girls wouldn't either. But a lot of girls would be interested. So if this particular girl and her friends are then maybe there's nothing wrong with this child friendly version of a pamper party. I wouldn't be interested in attending an adult one so I would decide whether it was a good enough friend to go anyway or whether to just say thank you but decline. Children can make those same decisions.

I wouldn't have a problem with a Disney Princess or a pink, sparkly unicorn etc party. So I think there's maybe some adult projection going on that makes a 5 year olds pamper party seem more inappropriate than it is.

Original poster
Ontheclifftop · 09/10/2023 13:42

BittIeLastard · 09/10/2023 13:18

Why is it any different to playing shopkeeper, or pretending to drive a bus, or a little girl doing mummy's hair like the hairdresser does? I don't understand the issue with it, if it's not for you just say no.

But that's children making up games themselves and using their imaginations. This is parents paying someone to come in and do the girls' nails and apply make up and provide foot spas. I mean they're 5.

OP posts:
BlurredEdges · 09/10/2023 13:44

There are loads of things you can do like crafts, jewellery making, painting pottery, making t shirts, which don't involve running around and don't cost a lot of money, but also don't normalise a massive focus on looks and a horrible stereotypical idea of 'femininity' for children who are barely of school age.

Baffled1989 · 09/10/2023 13:53

My 5 year old won’t be wearing makeup.

coldcrossbun · 09/10/2023 13:54

I think you're being precious and closed minded. I went to one of these at around 7/8. We had our nails painted, hair curled or plaited (parents were asked what was ok re heat on hair), drain mixed juices in fun cups, the 'make up' was a little bit of glitter - obviously not being sexualised, just some fun sparkle, and I think then just played together for the rest of the party. The girls mum and older sisters did it all so would've cost the family next to nothing. They didn't have much indoor space and it was rainy and cold outside.

Maybe it was because it was all the family could afford
Maybe it was what the little girl wanted because she'd seen her older sisters doing similar things
Maybe she just liked make up and that's what she wanted

It doesn't matter, the bday girl was happy, and it's her birthday so it should (within reason) be what she wants, and it was perfectly reasonable.

crafts, jewellery making, painting pottery, making t shirts - all cost money in supplies that you don't just have lying around the house already. And create more tat that eventually gets thrown away, no 5 year old is making jewellery that's actually wearable.

Original poster
Ontheclifftop · 09/10/2023 13:57

coldcrossbun · 09/10/2023 13:54

I think you're being precious and closed minded. I went to one of these at around 7/8. We had our nails painted, hair curled or plaited (parents were asked what was ok re heat on hair), drain mixed juices in fun cups, the 'make up' was a little bit of glitter - obviously not being sexualised, just some fun sparkle, and I think then just played together for the rest of the party. The girls mum and older sisters did it all so would've cost the family next to nothing. They didn't have much indoor space and it was rainy and cold outside.

Maybe it was because it was all the family could afford
Maybe it was what the little girl wanted because she'd seen her older sisters doing similar things
Maybe she just liked make up and that's what she wanted

It doesn't matter, the bday girl was happy, and it's her birthday so it should (within reason) be what she wants, and it was perfectly reasonable.

crafts, jewellery making, painting pottery, making t shirts - all cost money in supplies that you don't just have lying around the house already. And create more tat that eventually gets thrown away, no 5 year old is making jewellery that's actually wearable.

As I've already said, the parents are paying a company to come into the house with make up supplies, foot spas, manicure kits etc. This isn't just kids playing dress up. They will also be making their own face masks apparently.

OP posts:
Hufflepods · 09/10/2023 14:08

They will also be making their own face masks apparently.
The horror!

Even my toddler likes to cover her face in cream because she sees me moisturising every morning. It hasn't killed any of her braincells.

This is hardly a group of 5 year olds getting a Kardashian makeover, it will be a bit of glitter and some nail varnish. This has always happened.

Warum · 09/10/2023 14:10

I think 5 years old is a bit young for a pamper party, wouldn't they prefer to be playing games, running around, eating (junk) food?

Original poster
Ontheclifftop · 09/10/2023 14:10

Hufflepods · 09/10/2023 14:08

They will also be making their own face masks apparently.
The horror!

Even my toddler likes to cover her face in cream because she sees me moisturising every morning. It hasn't killed any of her braincells.

This is hardly a group of 5 year olds getting a Kardashian makeover, it will be a bit of glitter and some nail varnish. This has always happened.

Nope it's a mini makeover as well.

Anyhow, my SIL has decided to politely decline the invite. She thinks her 5 year old will be bored, and just finds the whole concept a bit vapid.

OP posts:
UndercoverCop · 09/10/2023 14:12

My niece had a pamper party at a salon at five, she's now a seven year old with an IPhone, my brother and I are very very different.
DS is unlikely to be invited to such things, but if I had a daughter I absolutely wouldn't be taking her

Hufflepods · 09/10/2023 14:15

@Ontheclifftop Nope it's a mini makeover as well.

Again, it isn't going to be an adult makeover.

This isn't even your child, you're over invested. Absolutely no need for your SIL to call a 5 year old and what she chooses for her birthday party as "vapid"

Your niece has more to lose from her mums rampant misogyny than from having her nails painted at a party.

Original poster
Ontheclifftop · 09/10/2023 14:19

Hufflepods · 09/10/2023 14:15

@Ontheclifftop Nope it's a mini makeover as well.

Again, it isn't going to be an adult makeover.

This isn't even your child, you're over invested. Absolutely no need for your SIL to call a 5 year old and what she chooses for her birthday party as "vapid"

Your niece has more to lose from her mums rampant misogyny than from having her nails painted at a party.

She's not calling the child vapid.

OP posts:
Growlybear83 · 09/10/2023 14:20

I think it's a really unpleasant idea for a party, and I would never have allowed my daughter to go to a party like that. Why can't parents let their children be little boys and girls? It's not normal to have manicures and makeup at 5! It reminds me of that revolting Minipops TV series in the 80s when little girls performed often really inappropriate songs wearing totally inappropriate clothes, and covered in makeup. I've always felt strongly that children shouldn't be using makeup of any kind until secondary school.

stillsleeptraining · 09/10/2023 14:23

fearfuloffluff · 09/10/2023 11:25

Kind of gross and I'd definitely draw the line at make up, which to my mind is designed to increase sexual attractiveness and therefore unsuitable to children.

A bit of glitter, watered down juice and kid-friendly nail varnish wouldn't get me that worked up, though.

I loathe, loathe, loathe the word pamper used as a euphemism for 'labour to ensure you meet a socially sanctioned standard of beauty'. I like baths with bubble bath. That's a treat. I don't like having hair plucked out or breathing varnish fumes. That's not a treat.

You are so eloquent! I feel all of this in my bones but if I tried to articulate it I'd just say "It's gross and I can't be bothered"