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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not a single picture of me

47 replies

Gaiusssie · 08/10/2023 18:31

Came back from a close friend’s wedding, I was bridesmaid, and did a reading, turns out DH didn’t take a single photo of me on the day.

We are in our 40s and two pre teen boys. All been invited to a wedding, my close friend, I was the only bridesmaid and was doing a reading. We’ve had rehearsals and put in a lot of time preparing for it, including me getting suits and boots sorted for DH and boys. First formal occasion in years.

i was running around a lot on the day and snapped the three of them in suits, whenever I could. From distance, close up, posing with other guests… it was cute to see three of them in suits,

DH clearly didn’t not share my enthusiasm. When we go and see
the children’s play at school we both film/photo them, without asking. AIBU to be upset that DH did not bother at all while sitting there bored.

is this yet another sign that things are dead and beyond repair?

OP posts:

Lolabear38 · 08/10/2023 18:34

I don’t know what (if anything) this means for your relationship, but my DH never ever takes a photo of me! I have to specifically ask him to take a picture of me with our kids, and then he will typically take one quick one which I inevitably hate. We have a very happy marriage, but taking photos is just not a priority for him. Did you ask him to take any? In my experience men are not as good at this as women (sorry for the sweeping generalisation there).

MassageForLife · 08/10/2023 18:34

That depends.

Was he taking photos of others? Does he usually take photos during events? Or is he just not into taking photos?

I'm not that into taking photos, so if I didn't take photos, it would mean nothing.

Dacadactyl · 08/10/2023 18:35

On its own its not a sign things are broken imo. Some people are mad on photos, some aren't.

In the scenario above, my DH would take pictures (he likes photography) but I wouldn't have taken pics of him (I'm shit at it and not bothered about pictures at all)

I do think that if you'd wanted photos taken of you, then you should've mentioned it beforehand to him. THEN, if he didn't do it, that would be the sign he doesn't give a shit.

Also, I'm sure you'll be in the professional pictures

Dumbles · 08/10/2023 19:18

OP it’s a common complaint of mine too.

We go on holiday, to weddings etc.. I take lots of nice photos of my partner…. come back home with no photos of me! I ask him & he just says he doesn’t take photos. I think it’s as simple as that really.

Its annoying but I think it is just a being useless thing and not because they don’t care.

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 08/10/2023 19:21

Did he focus a lot on the bride? 😬(Like the guy on the right of this picture in Love Actually?!)

Thepeopleversuswork · 08/10/2023 19:22

It sounds like there's two separate issues going on here. In and of itself this doesn't mean anything. My OH probably wouldn't take any photos of me in this situation and I couldn't care less tbh.

As a rule blokes are far less bothered about weddings than women anyway and tend to find other people's weddings a giant pain in the arse so he may have just been trying to get through it and go home.

But your last sentence about things being "beyond repair" is very telling: it sounds like the wedding pictures aren't the real issue here and this is just a last straw in a difficult relationship?

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 08/10/2023 19:22

Woops forgot picture!

5128gap · 08/10/2023 19:24

In the context of a presumably fragile relationship (?) and with a man who does typically take photographs, then it's not a good sign, no. Because it's likely either he deliberately chose not to to be passive aggressive, or he wasn't thinking of you at all. There's a remote possibility he thought he didn't need to as you'd be featuring in a lot of the formal ones, but you know him and where your marriage is best so your instincts are likely right.

EvilElsa · 08/10/2023 19:25

From your last sentence there is obviously a lot more going on than not taking photos at a wedding (which honestly wouldn't bother me in the slightest). The straw that broke the camels back?

Brumbies · 08/10/2023 19:26

Not a wedding but at my sons house there's not one photo of me, whereas there are of her parents!

I guess I'm irrelevant.

junebirthdaygirl · 08/10/2023 19:29

My dh has always been useless to take photos. I always have to ask him which means everything is posed and never an impromptu picture. By the time he gets his phone out and starts to film the moment has passed. Hopefully the bride will have lots of lovely pictures of you and her . I would say its just the thought never entered his head.

TheChosenTwo · 08/10/2023 19:29

I don’t think dh has ever taken a photo of me (well, not one that could be shared anywhere 🙈), it just doesn’t occur to him. I was bridesmaid at a wedding last year and the only photo he took on the day was of the scratch someone put in the side of our car 😂
He doesn’t really ever take photos other than of work things.
but this seems like it’s about more than a photo from the rest of your post.

MariePaperRoses · 08/10/2023 19:29

My husband wouldn't take photos of me unless he was asked to.

ActDottie · 08/10/2023 19:32

The professional photographer will have taken photos. I’d just ask your friend if there are any nice ones. But I dont really get what all the fuss is about. It’s about the day and being present in the moment not taking photos.

Agnorant · 08/10/2023 19:39

is this yet another sign that things are dead and beyond repair?

What are the other signs op?

Tohaveandtohold · 08/10/2023 19:41

It depends on your relationship. DH has never been one to take pictures, not even pictures of himself. That’s the way he is and I have to remind him to take pictures.
I remember on my 30th birthday, DH was looking for a picture of me to put as his WhatsApp profile picture and realised that the last picture he took of me was on my 29th birthday. Where as if he wants a picture of himself or the kids, he just looks at my phone and will see loads. Since then, he has told me to remind him to take pictures of me whenever I want one taken.
If he didn’t take any picture in this situation you described, it’ll be expected really.

YesSirMam · 08/10/2023 19:44

My DH does this & it really upsets me as I take loads with him & DC. So I stopped. Well, on our DC birthday I pretending I took none of him & DC to prove a point of how upsetting it was. He’s changing slowly

Londonscallingme · 08/10/2023 19:45

Some people are not good with taking pictures. I think I’d be a bit hurt if he was madly snapping other people but if not, I wouldn’t be bothered. It sounds like there are bigger issues at play here though, so I guess it’s not really about the lack of photos.

Pigeonqueen · 08/10/2023 19:55

Hugely common complaint to the point there are many Instagram memes about this or the fact dhs never take nice photos of their wives. I know that doesn’t help the way you feel but it’s unfortunately such a common complaint. I think (at the risk of man bashing) men just don’t give as much of a shit about these things as we do.

scrivette · 08/10/2023 19:58

There were hardly any photos of me unless I take a selfie, DH just doesn't think about taking photos.

Photographsandmemories · 08/10/2023 20:01

I wouldn't give a shit.

Did you ask him to take a picture?

Hibiscrubbed · 08/10/2023 20:08

He was sitting there bored? Is he normally a miserable shit who ruins occasions and won’t make any effort for anyone else?

bonzaitree · 08/10/2023 20:11

We went to a wedding last year- similar situation. I was the bridemaid running around. OH enjoyed himself loads, got some pics of me (although my dress was hideous!) and we had a great time.

MysteryBelle · 08/10/2023 20:12

He should have instinctively wanted to take pictures of you dressed up doing the reading and being the bridesmaid at this wedding. Your husband should be proud of you. He didn’t like having to be “dragged” to the event I bet. He’s selfish and is beneath you is my guess. A husband should be fond of his wife.

MysteryBelle · 08/10/2023 20:16

That said, it is a common complaint, op. My dh is a professional photographer and he takes a lot of pics around the house and of me and dc but, sometimes he completely misses out on taking pics when I think he should especially given his job and university major. And he takes a lot of selfies of himself 😂 so I wouldn’t call it the end but he definitely should have take pics of you and been proud of you!!

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