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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not a single picture of me

47 replies

Gaiusssie · 08/10/2023 18:31

Came back from a close friend’s wedding, I was bridesmaid, and did a reading, turns out DH didn’t take a single photo of me on the day.

We are in our 40s and two pre teen boys. All been invited to a wedding, my close friend, I was the only bridesmaid and was doing a reading. We’ve had rehearsals and put in a lot of time preparing for it, including me getting suits and boots sorted for DH and boys. First formal occasion in years.

i was running around a lot on the day and snapped the three of them in suits, whenever I could. From distance, close up, posing with other guests… it was cute to see three of them in suits,

DH clearly didn’t not share my enthusiasm. When we go and see
the children’s play at school we both film/photo them, without asking. AIBU to be upset that DH did not bother at all while sitting there bored.

is this yet another sign that things are dead and beyond repair?

OP posts:

Anonymouseposter · 08/10/2023 20:17

It depends if he normally takes photos and whether he was taking photos of other people. I don't always think to take photos myself.

GodDammitCecil · 08/10/2023 20:18

OP - I think you’ve asked the wrong question.

This isn’t actually about whether he took photos of you or not.

The not taking photos is obviously a symptom of a more serious issue.

Now, most (not all!) people are fixating on answering the photo question - which doesn’t actually help you.

Maybe tell us a bit about what the actual issue/s is/are, if you would like to.

PocketBattleship · 08/10/2023 20:22

MysteryBelle · 08/10/2023 20:12

He should have instinctively wanted to take pictures of you dressed up doing the reading and being the bridesmaid at this wedding. Your husband should be proud of you. He didn’t like having to be “dragged” to the event I bet. He’s selfish and is beneath you is my guess. A husband should be fond of his wife.

Why should he, if he's just not into taking photos? I've got friends who take more photos in one holiday than I've taken in my entire life, I don't think I possess one single photo of my OH, and frankly if nobody ever takes one of me again I couldn't give less of a shit.

Winnipeggy · 08/10/2023 20:23

Mine wouldn't unless asked but it depends on what's usual for you. The fact that you're asking if this means it's dead suggests there are deeper issues at hand

TheYearOfSmallThings · 08/10/2023 20:25

If you want photos of yourself it's best to say so and give directions. Honestly most men won't think of it otherwise

MoiraBebe · 08/10/2023 20:26

We had a family holiday to Cornwall this year and there is not one photo of me there! Hurts my feelings a little truth be told.

CalistoNoSolo · 08/10/2023 20:27

Ex husband is a keen photographer but rarely took pics of me. Its one of the many reasons he's an ex - he just couldn't be bothered to make an effort in any way. He was devastated when I ended our relationship, but if you never tell or show how you feel its inevitable your wife is going to assume you dont care.

Current partner takes lots of pics of me (none nude!) and makes it very clear in other ways he's very in love with me. So imo not taking pics of you on a special occasion is indicative of his attitude towards you generally.

Ginger1982 · 08/10/2023 20:28

I have this issue too.

My dad died when I was a teenager. Photographs are all I have now. Maybe it sounds arrogant and/or morbid but if anything were to happen to me, I'd want DS to have lots of pictures to look back on.

sparklefresh · 08/10/2023 20:30

I think this is something you need to communicate with him about. It wouldn't occur to me that DP might get upset that I didn't take a picture of him. It doesn't mean I don't love him! I do. I just wouldn't think that way, perhaps your DH is like me.

reggieisl · 08/10/2023 20:32

Looks like it's indicative of other things. XH was like this. There are loads of fabulous photos of him with the children on trips, days out and occasions, all in yearly photobooks made by me. Very few pics of me, only taken when I've specifically asked him to. It was definitely indicative of other things and he got his marching orders after a long marriage.

DappledThings · 08/10/2023 20:44

I hardly ever take photos of DH. I take plenty of the DC because they are changing every day and I want to remember how they were at different times. But DH and I are pretty fixed, I know what we look like and it rarely crosses my mind to record that.

I wouldn’t have wanted photos of me taken during the reading, that would be pretty inappropriate. And I'd assume the wedding photographer was taking some of both of us.

So I don't think it necessarily means there's anything wrong in and of itself. But given your context I think it's symbolic of bigger issues.

LolSpinner · 08/10/2023 20:44

On its own it means nothing. It wouldn't cross my mind it was odd if it was my husband.if I'd wanted a photo I'd have asked for one.

CherryMaDeara · 08/10/2023 21:01

Brumbies · 08/10/2023 19:26

Not a wedding but at my sons house there's not one photo of me, whereas there are of her parents!

I guess I'm irrelevant.

It’s not her job to put up pictures of you, I hope you’re blaming your son and not her.

Daniki · 08/10/2023 21:03

Me or my husband ever take photos of each other or together 😂. Like ever. We do of our son but we're both not photo people so to me I wouldn't think much of it tbh.

SummerDawn2000 · 08/10/2023 21:06

DP is the selfie queen! when I take a picture either taken by someone else or me I look like a beetroot faced shrek 😂😂😂

it is upsetting when your partner forgets to take a picture of you.

please talk to him about it. I don’t think it’s vindictive maybe just really thoughtless of him

GodDammitCecil · 08/10/2023 21:31

CherryMaDeara · 08/10/2023 21:01

It’s not her job to put up pictures of you, I hope you’re blaming your son and not her.

Show quote history

Exactly!

BygoneDays · 08/10/2023 21:36

He is having an affair and had checked out of your marriage. Time to leave.

WrigglyDonCat · 08/10/2023 21:49

Well when my wife died in 2021, the last photo of her was from our wedding day in 2003 (there would have been the odd one for work ID, driving licence etc. over the years, but that was the last one that wasn't for a specific purpose).

She hated her photo being taken and I have no zero interest in photographing my life, so it just never happened. So it all depends on the expectation I guess - if he normally would take photos or knew you wanted him to, then it's poor form to say the least. If that is normal for him, then where's the problem?

Brumbies · 09/10/2023 09:24

CherryMaDeara
It’s not her job to put up pictures of you, I hope you’re blaming your son and not her.

Exactly!

Did I say it was her?

Twentypastfour · 09/10/2023 09:29

I don’t think on its own this is a problem but if you feel your relationship is on its last legs, then you have serious issues obviously.

I don’t think I’ve seen my DH take his phone out to take a photo at any wedding we’ve been to. I try to not do this too. Maybe the odd snap before we go or of cute DC but I think ideally phones away at a wedding.

If you were prominent in the wedding party then there will be lots of (better!) professional photos of you anyway. I don’t think I’d particularly want my DH to be snapping away if I could see professional photos anyway.

Obviously if he had his phone out the whole time and took photos of loads of people and just not you, that’s a bit weird.

Nogooddeed7 · 09/10/2023 10:08

Op one thing I noticed when I left my husband was that I have thousands of photos of him and the children over the years …. But very few of me and the kids! I tried to take lovely photos at good angles etc. He didn’t.

Dishwashersaurous · 09/10/2023 10:32

It would never, ever occur to me to take photos at a wedding because that's the main occasion when there is someone there who's job is to take photos.

A member of the congregation taking photos of the service, you doing a reading, would be really rude. Instead everyone is focused on the event.

However, this clearly isn't about the photos.

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