I am 35 yo and married to a wonderful man. He’s always wanted children and, when we met, I said probably. The thing is, this country has become more and more hateful, with awful policies. National schadenfreude.
I grew up in a village near a prosperous city in the north. My parents had less qualifications than my husband and I but similar ‘level’ jobs. I had tutors, sports classes, foreign and UK holidays, a regular babysitter and was able to do 5 years at university for free. I grew up in a 5 bed house that was 3x my parents dual income. That same house would be 14x my husband and I’s dual income. We have a lovely 2 bed terrace in the city near my home village. My parents paid a huge deposit, independently we’d afford a studio. My parents have helped us and I’m extremely grateful but I’d like to think of a future where children aren’t dependent on their parents. My husband’s parents live 2 hours away and care a lot for his brother’s children.
Currently I’m a specialist nurse and work 40-55 hours a week. I live an ok life with some joy like a gym / yoga membership and a city break or beach holiday a year. I see first hand at work the brutality of the government’s policies but I earn enough with my overtime to shut it out on time off and enjoy my day to day life.
Ive done all the calculations and if I were to have a baby with 12 hours a week childcare from parents, nursery and the rest ourselves (me only doing 30 hours at work) we’d be borderline in poverty. There is no way we could give a child a good start in life and we’d have no escapism from the horrors of work through enjoyment. The sports clubs that were about when I was a child are now all shut to anyone but wealthy fee payers. The village I grew up in is for only the super wealthy and seems vacant of children. I’m my city the parks are housing estates. Streets are lined with litter and homeless. There’s no nightlife open or anywhere fun to go. If children try playing sport in a park people film them, put it on social media and complain. If children play by the river the police disperse them. I watch children have every part of their life controlled filmed and policed. I thought being a teen was anxiety inducing I can’t imagine it today!
None of my friends have had children. Not one woman I’m friends with from childhood or adulthood has a baby yet. I feel awful saying it but, looking round, only the really rough people I know are having (or have had) kids. Women I went to school with who have never had a job have 4 children and are struggling beyond belief. My colleagues with children are in masses of debt and depressed.
I couldn’t give a child the life that we had and I’d feel such guilt at relying heavily on my parents (that’s if they stay well enough).
A number of my friends have moved to Australia, and Canada at the hope of making a life there to have children. But I worry about global unrest / environmental future too.
Should I have a child to please my husband because he hopes / believes that the world will improve. After all, when we met at 28 I said I’d like to have children one day. He thinks we’ll work it out and his mum could help (she’s 2 hours away and unwell). By doing an extra day of work a week each
we save about £200 a month and have zero debt but I don’t think that’s sustainable to raise a child nowadays when everything costs so much.