Would you force your child into pity friendship?

[QuidFacere]

My daughter's classmate (Y8 girls' school) is struggling with friendships and is keen to be friends with my DD. DD is amicable with the girl - as she is with other kids - but has no interest in being friends or meeting outside of school. She finds the girl clingy and manipulative.

Sadly, the girl has been unwell and missed a term last year which made it even harder for her to maintain friendships. Her mother is understandably trying to create opportunities for social interactions for her daughter and keeps inviting my DD for a play date, in a passive-aggressive way. DD asks me to decline, but at some point we relented and had DD go to a play date and then invited the girl over. DD did not enjoy either occasion.

I think it is important for DD - and, indeed, anyone - to make own choices about relationships she wants to maintain and those she wants to avoid. A few years ago she had an experience of a toxic friendship with a similar dynamic, and relief came only when classes were mixed up snd they were in different ones. Neither of us wants a repeat of that. I also think that it is kinder towards the girl not to nourish a fake relationship and then sever it after the girl's emotional investment is much bigger.

On the other hand, I realise how awful it is for a teenager to be isolated and lonely while dealing with a health issue. To be clear, she does not have a life-threatening disease - she has migraines - but obviously it affects her quality of life and mental health.

Would you force your child into pity play dates or keep saying no?

No, don’t do it. I did that with DD… I ‘encouraged’ her to hang out with a girl, way past the time they had anything in common, for these exact reasons.

They have now separated, in different friend groups, but still chat to each other and get along fine as distant friends.

let your dd decide who her friends will be. It’s for the best. Encourage her to be polite to the young girl and of course kind but she doesn’t have to be her new friend. That’s your dds choice.

I replied No, not because I don't feel sad and sympathetic to the other girl (I do, it's heartbreaking) But because it doesn't stand OPs DD in good stead to teach her she has to stick with people she doesn't want to, in the name of 'being kind' It is a terrible lesson for future relationships (I.e boyfriends)
I would encourage DD to be kind to the girl in school and possibly even help facilitate another friendship for the girl if she sees another lonely/isolated child, though that shouldn't be on her shoulders, some kids are really gifted in that sort of thing.
But to force a friendship out of pity, absolutely not.