Can I keep my friend if I hate her kids?

[LiveDieRepeat]

Met a new friend at a hobby/activity a few months ago. We get on really well and have similar interests, humour and are both single and at a similar stage in our lives. We have kids and they’re similar ages so we get each others family commitment level. I’ve met up with her today and we both brought our kids. It’s the second time we’ve met and I absolutely hate her children. They’re precocious and demanding and rude. They constantly interrupted us talking to demand things, they’re definitely old enough to know better. Her children kept taking things from mine- I brought activities for them to do at lunchtime and hers kept taking the pens mine were using literally out their hands. At one point her child disagreed with me and told me I was wrong (I wasn’t), but then kept saying that I should shut up because I was wrong about everything. It was so annoying!
she has already texted this evening saying how lovely today was and how her children can’t wait to meet up again, but I’m dreading the idea. I just can’t stand them, and my children feel similarly if I’m honest. But I have no idea how to get out of seeing her children but still maintain the friendship? I wouldn’t be friends with someone who didn’t like my kids, so it seems duplicitous to put her in that situation, even if she doesn’t know why.
do I need to give her up as a friend? As I’ve said, we are both single so meeting up without the children is really hard to manage

I have a similar issue. My strategy is to try to meet in venues where human interaction is reduced eg cinema

nothing wrong with you standing up to them.

erm, James was using that pen, please give it back to him and you can use it when he's done.

please do not speak so rudely to me, I am not rude to you.

stand up to them!

really you either challenge theor obnoxious behaviour and hope for change or you meet without them. "I'd love to see you again. The kids aren't over keen, and would rather skip the next get together. So I can do coffee on 23rd if you're free?"

If you met this woman months ago and this is only the second time that the children have got together then you must have been able to keep the friendship going until now. You will just have to go back to that situation?

It is hard to believe that this woman is so great when she allows her children to behave so awfully. Surely the two don't go together?

yanbu op

just say you want to meet without the kids as it’s hard to properly catch up
if she says no, well - girl, bye

YANBU- just arrange adult only meet ups. Suggest meet ups that are in school time or adult only meals. Decline any suggestions of whole family meet ups.

If she won’t allow it then yes I guess you’ll have to let the friendship drift.

I suspect I have lost some friends because of my children/my parenting. We’re not a nice family to be around, always shouting and arguing. Not relaxing at all. I wouldn’t choose to spend time with us as a family so I can see why from the otherwise you would want to avoid it.

How did you get to know her before you met with the kids if you can’t meet up without the kids? You say it’s a hobby or activity, just keep seeing her there.

I’ve never ever heard someone say that about their own family, it’s breathtakingly honest.

It’s ok to say you hate random kids, it’s just a turn of phrase, it doesn’t mean OP is going to do anything to them 🙄

I think I’d probably try to give it one more go with the kids. My children are a lot younger (both pre-schoolers) but they have ‘off days’ when they’re tired, or getting ill, or recovering from being ill, or just have something going on where they aren’t themselves at all and their behaviour is terrible. I don’t know if that’s as much of a ‘thing’ with older children as it is with toddlers. But if you really like the mum then I’d try to establish whether it was a one-off.

😲😲

I've got a friend like this . Her kids constantly interrupt when people are speaking and she lets them. In fact she interrupts conversations herself to answer them. and she also does that going off and plays with them whenever they want or lets them lead her around if that makes sense

I don't understand Why ????

I mean my kids are older now but when they were little I'd play with them a lot but not when I was seeing friends etc. they knew that they would have to entertain themselves for a while

IME…nice people with badly behaved kids know it, and they try to “train” their kids on other people’s nice kids in the hopes thier own kids will stop being so difficult. It never works because it’s only and hour or two whereas the parenting influence is 24/7. I have a similar friend of 1 year now whose kids (8 and 10 yo) don’t know how to behave in other people’s houses and I find them so annoying to be around. We’ll have out nice crafty things and water play potions and her kids will just pour everything out all at once and the activity is ruined and lasted all of 10 seconds. Her son also speaks in a squeaky baby voice which my kids then copy and it enrages me.
I’m trying to figure out how to be friends with her but avoid having the kids together. She keeps inviting us to hers and goes to great effort. She has even offered to take my kids to school if I drop them off in the morning; again I feel she is trying to moderate her own children with mine as mornings are really tough for them and they are always late for school (and so would my kids be!). I know kids learn through experience and being around others but at some point the good outweighs the bad and if it’s starting to feel harmful then disentangle yourself.