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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What sort of household income is needed to raise a child?

61 replies

Andyrourkerip · 07/10/2023 18:42

I know it's not really an AIBU as such, but we're on a combined income of 43k which I know is quite low compared to what many couples earn. I am the main earner, I am a civil servant and have a good maternity leave package.
Partner doesn't think we earn enough between us yet. I do understand on one hand, however I'm 32.5 now and whilst I know it's still relatively young, I don't have forever. I am planning to apply for promotion in the next couple of months, obviously there's no guarantee but would be on an extra £200 a month which is something for sure.
I work typical 9-5 hours with hybrid and Flexi time , partner works evenings and weekends ATM.
I know babies themselves aren't that expensive, I buy majority of my own things second hand and would have no issue sourcing such things for a baby, it's just childcare costs and then when they get older for driving lessons etc (obviously that's a very long way off!)
In terms of childcare I think we could make it work with our current hours, we'd possibly need to pay for part time childcare but not full time.
Just be interested to know what people think in terms of income and if it's doable.

OP posts:
Original poster
Andyrourkerip · 07/10/2023 18:43

I don't drive, however we live in a big city centre with excellent transport so I'm not worried about that.

OP posts:
itsgettingweird · 07/10/2023 18:45

There's no perfect amount.

It's all relative.

You need to look at outgoings against incomings, nursery fees, rent or mortgage amounts and factor in possible increases and also any scope for pay rises etc.

Also look to see if you are entitled to help with childcare costs etc.

I've raised a child alone on less than that and it's been manageable as I pay £500 a month on housing.

If I was paying £1k it would have been different.

Ragruggers · 07/10/2023 18:47

Do you have your own home or rent.Are your outgoings manageable,do you have savings.? Can your partner work more hours so you have more savings before you have a baby.lots to consider.

excited18 · 07/10/2023 18:50

I don't think it's about income but more disposable income.

Can you afford to go on maternity leave? Do you know how much maternity leave pay you would be entitled to?

When you return to work will you able to afford childcare? Can you afford to feed a toddler who wants to eat a whole punnet of strawberries every few days and endless snacks

These are the things you need to look at. I'd start by making a forecast of your income and look at the effects of reducing your income - just to ensure you can at minimum cover your bills

Original poster
Andyrourkerip · 07/10/2023 18:52

I receive 6 months full pay as far as I know.
We rent our home ATM.
Currently we manage fine with our outgoings. I've just done an entitled to calculation and we'd be eligible for quite a bit of help which I'm surprised about.

OP posts:
Terfosaurus · 07/10/2023 18:53

My income has never been that high. I have 2 dc.

I suppose it depends what you want for them. We've never been abroad. Clothes are mainly primark/supermarket. I don't drive. I was lucky that my mum did childcare when I needed it and I only ever covered her costs.

mindthegap22 · 07/10/2023 18:54

I honestly think it's better to just start trying for a child and accept the finances as they are - I've been trying for a child for 1.5 years - am pregnant now but after 2 miscarriages and still need to do DS testing etc.

I hate to be brutal but money won't buy you back time - things like a strong relationship with your partner and a stable home (not be suddenly chucked out by your landlord) are probably the things I'd vote for

Ragruggers · 07/10/2023 18:54

You say you rent your home at the moment are you planning to buy ?

Original poster
Andyrourkerip · 07/10/2023 18:54

My parents would be able to help once a week which I'm very grateful for.

OP posts:
Original poster
Andyrourkerip · 07/10/2023 18:55

We would like to buy eventually, but that could be years away unfortunately..

OP posts:
excited18 · 07/10/2023 18:56

So after 6 months, would you return to work and if so how much is childcare in your area?

If you'd want longer off, would you manage on statutory maternity for 3 months (£700 Approx) and after that for the last 3 months you would likely not be paid at all if you decided to take 12 months

Im sure you would be fine but just good to know and you can then discuss further with your partner

SunshineOnARainyDay3 · 07/10/2023 18:58

I'd say there's no right time to have a baby. I think you'd be fine on your income, people manage on much much less. You simply adjust your lifestyle.
The government are also updating the money given to help with child care costs and so you will be better off in that respect compared to people with children older than your child will be.
You're completely right to consider cost implications but everyone's lifestyle matches their income, so even when you earn more, your lifestyle/outgoings will increase. I'd say just go for it!

Bex5490 · 07/10/2023 19:00

You can get 30 hours free childcare at 2 now so it’s really only the 2 years that are often difficult in terms of cost.

You have enough of an income to have a baby - it might be tight but if you have a stable relationship, a supportive family and enough to get by which it sounds like you do, then I’d go for it!

One of my friends had the menopause at 35 so you just never know what’s round the corner x

Original poster
Andyrourkerip · 07/10/2023 19:02

Thank you. According to the entitledto calculator we'd be entitled to quite a bit of support financially which I was surprised about. I would likely take the 6 months then return after that. We wouldn't need full time childcare luckily. I will have to have another word with him..

OP posts:
StoneTheCrone · 07/10/2023 19:03

I'd focus on getting married and buying a flat before having a baby. Once children come along its so much harder to save and take on more work to earn more.

Oysterbabe · 07/10/2023 19:05

You'll cope, as long as your idea of making it work doesn't involve working while looking after a baby. You can't do that.

Hummusanddipdip · 07/10/2023 19:06

There isnt a perfect amount, if you live by that mantra, you will never have children.

If it helps Dh and I have a similar combined income to you and I'm the same age as you. We have 1 dc who is now at school and are expecting number 2 after Christmas.

We found the nursery years before funded hours kicked in were the most expensive. We were paying the equivalent of our mortgage for him to be in 2 days a week.

excited18 · 07/10/2023 19:06

Oysterbabe · 07/10/2023 19:05

You'll cope, as long as your idea of making it work doesn't involve working while looking after a baby. You can't do that.

Definitely, WFH with a baby/toddler = impossible

Bex5490 · 07/10/2023 19:09

StoneTheCrone · 07/10/2023 19:03

I'd focus on getting married and buying a flat before having a baby. Once children come along its so much harder to save and take on more work to earn more.

When did OP mention wanting to get married?

dortisa · 07/10/2023 19:11

I was worrying about our finances and we’re about 60k combined. TTC anyway and we do rent as well, buying a house is a pipe dream with the current interest rates. I think you’ll be fine OP and make it work. People have many children in all sorts of situations, you’re talking about one in a decent situation with income coming in. You’ll be ok! Your partner can always find a second job.

Luckydog7 · 07/10/2023 19:18

The actual costs of the baby can be tiny. Friends and neighbours practically shoved second hand stuff at me they wanted rid of especially clothes. Big spends like pram, cot and car seat can be requested as gifts or bought relatively cheaply. Breastfeeding is cheap, reusable nappies are a cheaper option. They don't eat much until they are toddlers.

As pp said, the real cost is care. The govement are planning to massively increase care provision so it covers younger children. There is tax free childcare and free hours potentially as well as child benefit and universal credit for lower income.

I would go for it now tbh, you will be fine. 32 is a perfect age but I wouldn't leave it later if you can avoid it. If you have issues conceiving you want to know now not in 5 years time.

GrettaGreen · 07/10/2023 19:19

If you're in your 20s, prioritise getting on the housing ladder first. If you're in your 30s start trying now as it's probably worth the financial trade off in case there are fertility issues which can take years to sort.

CattingAbout · 07/10/2023 19:22

Have a detailed look at childcare costs in your area. Our household income is a fair bit higher that and we found nursery fees ate up an awful lot of our disposable income for several years (2 DC 2 years apart)

bakewellbride · 07/10/2023 19:44

My bro in law and his wife earn well under £30k and have 3 happy kids who all have birthday parties and everything they need.

Original poster
Andyrourkerip · 07/10/2023 19:47

I'm in the North West, found childminders from £5/6 an hour, does that sound about right?

OP posts:
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